Manly Mustaches

Requiem For A Blog

2007-10-27T12:32:00.000-05:00

Once upon a time,

so the legend goes,

there was a blog,

run by pros

Their posts were witty,
insightful and fun,
and what's more,
they posted a ton

Battles were fought,
blogs came and went,
but this blog endured,
'till it's time was spent

Now here my friends,
when all seems lost,
let's turn to some lines,
from my man Robert Frost

Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Truer words
were never spoke.
It's been fun,
but that's all, folks

damn that's trite

The End......or is it?

2007-10-26T18:17:00.000-05:00

Bloggedy Blog Blog Blog

2007-10-24T23:01:00.000-05:00

People don't seem to be caring too much about the title, so I'll just list the three of mine that Kurt liked here (The Dirtmouth is just too Stevensonesque), and the contributors (me, kurt, bundy, tirth, cameron, Tom Day or kubas if they show up) can cast their ballots in the comment thread for this post.

1. Manly Mustaches, Redux--Ruggeder and More Unorthodox
2. Nuclear Balloon Arrows--Power To Burn
3. Hater's Ball--Hate: It's What We Do

The deadline for voting is Friday at midnight. Votes will be counted Saturday morning and the new blog will begin.

If I were ever to obtain this either of these classic 1984 Dune shirts, it would immediately become one of my most treasured possessions.

P.S.: Didn't Pristchet (sp?) have some weird connection to goats.com? Like his brother-in-law ran it or somthing? Because I just realized that goats is a kind-of-a-big-deal webcomic (which I don't read), not just a t-shirt company.

a beginning to the end

2007-10-23T15:51:00.000-05:00

It appears inevitable that this blog is going to die. So, we need to figure out a few things:

Should we create a new blog, or just rename/revamp this one?
What will the new blog's name be?
Who will be on the new blog? Only former/current members of this blog, or should we introduce some new contributors?
Do we want to keep the same web address to avoid confusion and keep my business cards current?
Who is going to be in charge of setting up the new blog?
Will the new blog continue to support the Bread Party?

Dry Your Eyes

2007-10-20T12:53:00.001-05:00

I've got troubles. Right here in River City. Troubles with a capital T and that rhymes with B and that stands for Blog.

Justin Bock's posts were getting to me.

But I guess they were keeping the blog moving.

Maybe I should have just left and let the blog become the Justin Bock show.

But no: if Bock wanted to have a blog, he could have had one. I didn't want that crap on this blog.

If we had to resort to Justin Bock to continue adding content, then the blog may have truly run its course.

Now I'm sitting here, thinking about putting the blog down and moving on.

There would be a new blog, with many of the same contributors and probably similar content, just without all the baggage of the ol' staches blog.

It would be a new beginning.

But it would be an end.

Goddamnit.

Okay Everybody

2007-10-20T11:48:00.000-05:00

Bock is gone, Kubas is gone, and Bundy is gone. It's time to move on, get back to blogging and stop crying. That said, I've yet to do an official "college post" updating people on classes and life in general. So here it goes.

It rains a lot here. I've been keeping track for the last couple weeks, and it has rained seven times the last two weeks. Even when it isn't raining there are almost always standing puddles of water in the grass because the ground is waterlogged. Normally this wouldn't be a problem, but I bike everywhere so it is kind of inconvenient. Not only do I get soaked going to classes everyday (not a huge deal), but my brakes on my bike don't work when wet, making biking on the sides of the shitty streets here slightly dangerous.

So far, classes have been really easy. This is either because I had all of them in high school (Chemistry, Precalc, Economics, and a Health/Gym class), or just because UW-Superior isn't a very challenging school. I seriously haven't studied at all, other than doing assigned problems, and I got 100% or better on both my midterms so far.

The food here is delicious.

I managed to score a single room, it's fairly big because all the rooms are the same, a single just means I don't have to share it with anyone

People in my gym class are now calling me "The Janitor" because I wore my Manly Mustache shirt on the first day.

Let's all just move on. I would like our contributors who left to come back, but this blog started with four people and it can definitely continue to survive with four.

A caravan of goodbyes

2007-10-19T18:06:00.000-05:00

What started out as a trivial ouster of whom some folks believed to be a lackluster blogger has now erupted into a caravan of goodbyes.

Josh Bundy tried to show some vague so-called attachment for me by invoking the fading Hopkins connection, but I am sorry Josh, that does not stir up my emotions as much.

I am wholeheartedly with Maxwell on this issue partly because he is the one reason I am on this blog, but mainly because I believe he is absolutely right in this case.The blog, and not Bock, occupies paramount importance.And who is Bock to claim that this blog is sinking like a ship anyway?Only because he left does not mean he has the license to make unjustified statements.
I don't believe this is a grown-up, mature way to react to criticism.

Andrew Kubas, I respected you during the time that I got to know you (mainly through speech), but forgive me if I do not approve of your departure. Bock may have been your friend, but I hardly think this is the right way to care for the blog.

So Maxwell, I hope you are with me on this.I am sincerely for keeping this blog alive.So what if I got to know you people only for a year?I am quite attached to this blog, and frankly this is one of the biggest entertainment in my life (apart from the blow-hard make-believe pundit Stephen Colbert).

Edit: I see you made a post before I could finish this one Max.
Let's keep this blog alive, Maxwell.

USA!USA!USA!

Can You Take Me Back Where I Came From

2007-10-19T17:30:00.002-05:00

We got back our pop quizzes today in Highlights of Astronomy. They were 10 points and accounted for about 15% of our final grade.

Class average: 5.6
Max's score: 10

USA! USA! USA!

If our astronomy professor had tested us on our athletic ability, or our acting talent, I would have been outshone by many a classmate. Luckily for me, he tested us on astronomy knowledge instead.

This almost makes up for my (fully-deserved) B- on my first humanities paper, and my (predicted) B on my next one.

I am enjoying astronomy though. I'm certain I will enjoy knowing about the phases of the Moon for the rest of my life.

This shit is bananas

2007-10-19T17:27:00.000-05:00

why? what the fuck is wrong with you guys?

max - you're better than that. i always thought the purpose of our blog was to show an eclectic mix of wierd ass shit from many different styles of people to entertain. bock entertained people. i love you buddy, but i think you meddled where you shouldn't have meddled.

bock - i'll be honest, i didn't find myself loving your posts. hell, i didn't even read the blog for a long ass time. but you posted, and CONTRIBUTED, so good job, man.

josh mattson - suck my balls. i don't even fucking know you, and i have no idea how you influenced max to hate on bock, but DO NOT come on our fucking blog saying condescending bullshit like "i was doing this blogging shit back when you all were in middle school and i know a lame blogger when i see one." bock was doing his best, so shut the fuck up. if you don't like what's on the blog, then don't look at it, and sure as hell don't make stupid-ass comments.

kubas - you aren't going to read this, but i understand why you left. that's legit, bock was a good friend of yours and it's bullshit that you had to see everyone being asses to him.

tom day - i love you, stay on the blog and contribute. thanks for being my friend - we'll play napa and golf this summer.

kurt - i love you too, buddy. keep up the good work. rock the 2pac chain and thank you for playing basketball with me. maybe again sometime.

tirth - i don't know you, but linda dockter told me that you kind of wanted to go to johns hopkins (or you applied, or whatever, i don't know), so i feel some kind of attachment to you.

so again i ask - why? i love you guys, it was awesome being friends with you the last couple years of high school. i loved playing basketball with you, and i still love the manly mustaches. but i think i'm going to make this my last post, and say goodbye to you all. this blog isn't really what i want to be a part of anymore. (i know i was barely a part of it (the blog) anyway, but i played on that fucking awesome team, and i love you guys)

peace out,
The Chef

At Times Like These...

2007-10-19T15:28:00.000-05:00

We need mumbling Mexican Rappers

And Bread

Jesus Christ

2007-10-19T11:12:00.001-05:00

It was me.

Bock is an okay guy. I don't hate him. I just really dislike his blog posts. They were long and boring and not entertaining or clever. They made me not want to read the blog. That's a dealbreaker for me.

I didn't want to be an jerk about it and pull rank and stir up a huge public shitstorm, so I sent a message to Kubas, then to Bock, explaining that I didn't want to be on the blog if he was going to continue posting. I told him he could make the call. He chose to leave.

This decision was NOT influenced by Josh Mattson. He just happens to agree with me on this one particular topic.

That said: Fuck You, Justin Bock, for your high-handed final post. I'd rather have a few quality posts a week than three shitty, boring ones a day. This blog was here long before you and will continue on its course just the same as if you'd never been here.

Andrew Kubas, I'm sorry you saw the need to quit the blog, I assume in protest. You're a good blogger and a good friend.

Maybe I could have been more straightforward about it, but I acted for the good of the blog. I will not apologize for that.

Taking the High Road

2007-10-18T14:18:00.000-05:00

It has come to my attention, in a somewhat roundabout way, that my contributions to the Mustache blog have been unappreciated by a faction of the Mustache Nation, in fact quite the opposite of appreciated, and that if I don't leave, the consequences for this blog would be dire.

Some would say that I've done a nice little part to keep this thing afloat. And I appreciate you all. But I would rather not be the one to torpedo-bomb the damn thing and sink it by remaining. I must be content to watch from the sidelines. Rather I'll let it trudge along as it always had until it springs a leak and slowly sinks into oblivion.

I thought I wanted to be a part of a wonderful organization, but that organization isn't what it once was. I wanted to be a part of the glory days of the Mustaches. But really, those days are long gone and the purpose of this blog has shifted. The energy, the zeal, the wit of it, and the glue that held it together has been burned by the fury of a few. The fact of the matter is that though I may know most of the mustaches and would like to keep in touch with them, I only have a true friendship with one of them. The Manly Mustaches just aren't what they were, and what they have become is something I no longer want to be a part of.

Some have suggested that I begin my own blog. That's not going to happen. So if any of you do want updates from the place of your roots, you ought to know where to find me.

So, this is it, my farewell to the blog.

"I'm quaking in my boots..."

2007-10-17T23:41:00.000-05:00

Here is to this amazing (and probably unique) youtube video...

The battle of the titans: professor vs. preacher

And now for some information:

The professor in question is the honorable Eric R. Scerri, professor of Chemistry at the UCLA department of Chemistry and Biochemistry.It seems that he is some sort of an expert on the science of periodic tables, considering he has written a whole book on them, which is used as a textbook for one of his classes (my roommate is taking his class).

Prof.Scerri was educated in England, and he is definitely not lying when he says (in the video), "I teach logic [self-censored]".

According to my roommate, he majored in logic and chemistry. Very aggressive combination, apparently.

Turn This Big Motherfucker Left

2007-10-17T20:53:00.001-05:00

I use one piece of notebook paper for my to-do list for two days and this is what I end up with.

There's more on the back. Ridiculous.

A Blog Of Many Persons

2007-10-16T23:39:00.000-05:00

Five items today. In the future, I will try to have more on-topic posts, more times per week. No promises.

1. Today I purchased 5 postcards for $1.40. I'd been on the lookout for a less expensive means of keeping my friends "posted" (ha! ha!) about goings on around the big NU, and I think these could be the answer. Plus, they're blank except for the postage so I can print out custom designs on 'em to give 'em that personal touch that so much correspondence lacks these days.

Possible designs:
-Me giving a thumbs up.
-Bikini Babes
-Bikini Babes giving a thumbs up
-Solid black (for maximum ink-wastage)
-Manly, the Manly Mustache
-More writing (silly, I know)

When I think of postcards, I think of Brokeback Mountain, where Heath Ledger (man, that's a great name) gets the letter from Jack and replies with a postcard that just says "You Bet" on it.

2. Over the past few days I've been burning through the database over at Achewood, a comic strip on the Internet about some animals. It's now my all-time favorite webcomic. I highly encourage you to check it out.

Josh Mattson, I once made fun of you for wanting to spend $150 on the complete Achewood collection in several fine bound volumes. I still think it's a ridiculous price, but I think I understand where you're coming from now.

3. So I looked through some Manly Mustaches Blog archives earlier today (because I just have too much time and needed some way to waste it) and found that all the old posts, created long before beta blogger came around and tacked on these "labels" for each post, have been automatically assigned two labels: "billions and billions" and "bread." I am going to go ahead and assume that this is for alphabetical reasons. Coincidentally, these labels describe the content of the posts pretty well.

Memories from the archives: the word "troffle" and Chacarron.

4. Tommy update: as a reminder, Tommy is the bleach blond piece of shit in my seminar who likes to talk about "paradigms" and "dichotomy." Today he wore a shirt that said "The Name's Duge, Duge Hick." Also, he wrote a note to a bro that said simply "Tequila and skinny dipping."

Maybe he'll get hit by a train one of these days.

5. I want to dress up for Halloween, but the problem of a costume is probably going to fall by the wayside. Like every kid in North America, I wish I had the dough/gumption/technical know-how to buy/build myself a Daft Punk robot helmet for Halloween. Tragically, I don't have $14,000 (or is it $65,000? Does it really make a difference?) and a year to burn. I actually did buy a motorcycle helmet at a garage sale this summer, so constructing such a helmet (or a crude facsimile of such a helmet) could be a fun project. But for this year, things are looking doubtful.

Oh Yoko!

2007-10-16T19:26:00.000-05:00

Man has it been awhile since I've posted... anyways its good to see that someone is keeping the blog afloat. A well formulated post full of everything needed on the Mustache blog: some wit, a cup full of urine, and a little Tay bashing. Brings us back to the good 'ol days, the all or nothing days. The days when the basketball team was losing and our international relationships were blossoming.

What happened to those days?

Back then the pictures of gaybos and videos of chacaronne would leave us in stitches. Max's daily entries would incite us on the life of a genius and Kubi's would let us know how is bowels were doing after a ten round bout with Taco Bell. Or how about Sam Walker being a douchebag and taking all our posting privileges away. (OK maybe that wasn't part of the good times but memorable nonetheless)

Has college taken our Mustache pride away? Maybe the secret to success of a great blog was the fact that we were all in highschool. Naive to the fact of the outer world we could formulate our organization as the world's dominating force in entertainment. Not until we left highschool did we lose our cunning, witty style. Perhaps our saving grace is this lowly "minor-leaguer" Bockmed. I think its possible...

So for the sake of the blog, humanity, and Max's puppies leave the kid alone. Not everyone has to be a pretentious asshole to be cool.

...much like Khalid, the sword of Allah

2007-10-16T19:07:00.000-05:00

For those of you who care, the titles of this and my last post make up one of the more memorable quotes from one of my former managers, Craig.

Also, I'd like to thank the folks at the Daily Show for revealing this little gem to the world.

At dinner this evening, the fine folks at KSTP news were doing a piece about the importance of early detection of cancer, in particular; colon cancer. One man they interviewed said this about colonoscopies, "It feels good, having the procedure done...."
I laughed.

Yesterday, I made the decision to drop band second semester and I've narrowed replacement courses down to:
1)team sports
2)triathlon
3)AP Psych
4)AP Stats (I'd have to start it independently to catch up by then)

And finally, tomorrow is my last cross-country race. Yes. I'm looking forward to getting in the weight room.

love,
Bockmed

p.s. Most of the criticisms of Tay's writing come from Hewitt and our class' discussion of it regarding rhetorical effectiveness of the letter.

My Vengeance Shall Be Swift....

2007-10-14T11:37:00.001-05:00

Thus far in our AP Lang class, the majority of our work has been on rhetorical analysis. And of course with the referendum debate raging within libraries near you, and in the opinion section of our very own Dispatch, what better material to analyze than the arguments of locals (and not so locals) writing into the Brainerd Daily?
Just a quick update--- If this referendum doesn't pass, the District will make sweeping cuts (all junior high athletics, APs, several fine arts programs, etc...), and so far it's not looking too good. Whether it passes or fails, it'll be close.
But, whose work should we take a look at today? None other than Tay Stevenson. The following is a word-for-word copy of Tay's work:
Blame will yield no solution

The cup has been laid before us to fill. This is not a challenge of our choosing, but it is a challenge nonetheless. Tests like this - no matter the scale - have been leveled against generation after generation. Each time, the task has been put to them to understand their adversity and overcome it. What we have learned is that more understanding is required of us and an even greater effort is required of us. And that understanding is hard, because we do not grasp why the cup we seek to fill always seems empty.We see this empty cup and we are filled with rage, casting about for someone or something to blame. But blame will yield no solution to our test. We can blame the administration and we can blame the teachers. We can blame the passage of the bond and we can blame the failure of the state. But blame will not fund our school. Blame will only create more problems for us, and we have enough of those. What we need are answers, and only we can supply them.We kneel now in the olive garden of our time and ask that the cup be passed from our hands. We ask this because we do not know why we must shoulder this burden. We ask because we are on a fixed income and money is tight. We ask because we are old and retired. We ask because we are young and uninterested. We ask because we have no children and fail to see the relevance. But the true measure of a generation is not their ability to rise to a challenge when they have a proprietary stake in its outcome, but rather when they have no such stake and rise nevertheless.

Tay Stevenson

Baxter

Kinda melodramatic. And "the olive garden of our time"? Are we proposing marriage at a chain restaurant?
How do you view the 'cup'?

Half full of your urine?

or

Half empty with your urine?

I'm sorry, but this is all that came to mind when Tay started his cup metaphor.
Overall, not a bad bit of writing. Full of ethos and pathos, but not very effective.

On a side note, I have a game of battleship set up. +20 points for a hit.

love,
Bockmed

p.s. I think a worthy lifetime goal would be to become a jelly-bean connoisseur.
p.p.s. One app. down... let's say roughly 2 to go.

Burn, Crackle, Pop

2007-10-13T01:55:00.000-05:00

I was really bored, so I made this music video to pass the time. It's the hit song by the Nuclear Ballon Arrows, Fire. It was completed in about fifteen minutes so it's really bad, but I think all the fans of The Nuclear Balloon Arrows out there will appreciate it.

All alone

2007-10-12T22:33:00.000-05:00

I just realized, that this blog gets roughly 100 hits in a day. That's impressive, depressing and kind of interesting. I think that says something about today's society, which is also impressive, depressing and kind of interesting. That's my 1 cent worth. I can't afford two cents at the moment.
And then it hit me, why is there a Mustache blog? Because of the most impressive basketball team in Brainerd history, that's why. I think that in the absence of Mustache basketball, a great void has been left... a great big void.
I would like to attempt a resurrection of the Manly Mustaches moniker and philosophy of play in intramural basketball here at Brainerd High.

thoughts?
approval?

Keep up the good work Nation
Cheerio!

Dirty Mexicans

2007-10-11T21:18:00.000-05:00

So, many a time, I have succumbed to the thought, "why don't I skip the hassle and apply to just the U, I'll probably end up going there anyway, right?"
Now has been another one of those times. After nearly completing the easy-as-pie U application, I began working on the common app which I can use for all the other schools I'm applying to. And it's just so much more than the U asked me to put out. (yes, put out, as in, like a ho) You (sorry, ONE) would think that with a name like the common app, it would be you know, common and pretty simple (what's this writing sample crap?). And I have to do supplements to it too!?!?!

I quit.

Keep up the good work Mustaches.
Cheerio

delaying the inevitable

2007-10-08T21:34:00.000-05:00

so today while making mountain dew popsicles i opened up my freezer and noticed that there was a bag of totino's pizza rolls inside. i completely forgot that i put those in there. needless to say, i checked the expiration date and they expired on october 4, 2007. dang.

upon realizing this tragedy i began to panic...because i had no idea what else in my room may have expired! i frantically looked at all of the food in my dorm and feared that perhaps most of it had long passed the recommended shelf life. i was really worried about my can of turkey spam, but this sense of fear quickly turned into relief as i read the expiration date:

"june 27............2010"

that is all from this mustache...i have to go buy some new milk. take care world...mustache out!

Score One for Liquor and Poor Judgement

2007-10-08T20:01:00.000-05:00

For all of you who don't know, last week was homecoming. Yep.
Friday's pep fest was the peppiest fest I've ever pepped at one of Brainerd High's fests. John Ward was in attendance. He started speaking and was all like "Homecoming is about getting crazy, but now that I'm a representative down at the state, I can't do any of that any more." And then he walked away. After a short while, he turned back and was all like, "just kidding!" Then he ripped off his coat, tie and shirt and put on some stars and stripes shorts and a pimpin hat, and started dancing around and leading cheers. It was awesome. Then there was the downside of the pep fest. Some people from the band, which I will no longer be associated with second semester, decided to begin a chant. It goes as follows:
"BAND IS HARDCORE! (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap) (repeat)"
I sat down against the wall, buried my head in my hands and began thinking "I'M EMBARRASSED! (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap) (repeat)"
Saturday, was long, to say the least. I got up at about 6, went to Alex, ran a 5k, went to the game at Brainerd, which we won (56-6), went home, ate, and went to the dance. It started out slow, but eventually got hot, both literally and figuratively. With all of the bumping and grinding and doing the worm, and the extreme heat, pretty much everyone was sweating through their clothes.

I slept much of sunday afternoon.
why am I so tired all the time lately?
I can't wait to be done with cross-country.

Another show very much worth watching: Big Bang Theory. It's humor is like pi, endless and irrational. It's a far shot from the ordinary, but is among the extraordinary.

And here it is, your quote of the day:
in the locker room
Trevor: "I kinda feel like watching a Harry Potter movie."
Paul (really excited): "Really!? Wanna come over and watch one!? I own them all. We can have a sleepover."

Cheerio!

The Adventures Of The World's Tallest Puppy

2007-10-06T21:20:00.000-05:00

I went on a super wholesome apple picking adventure today. $5 in gas and $5 for apples was more than worth a day's worth of apple picking, apple eating, apple tree climbing, and apple throwing.

My main reason for this post is not to fill you in with the captivating details of my Saturday, but to display an image of the finest apple I picked today. I included a tennis ball to try to give a sense of scale. It's kind of hard to appreciate unless you're holding it in your hand.

It's a Northern Spy. I think I'll name it Newton.

The ultimate shame

2007-10-04T16:02:00.000-05:00

Tuesday, October 2, 2007: In a startling blog entry that took the entire blogosphere by a storm, Maxwell Kuehn announced that he is ridding himself of the benevolent Wii to embrace the "big clunky monstrosity" called XBOX 360.

Thursday October 4, 2007: Yahoo! News, the 24/7 news service courtesy of Yahoo! reports on a prominently placed "Feature" box on its website that the "Wii does the body good."This pioneering report elaborates that games like Tennis are proving instrumental "to help the injured and infirm get their grooves back while increasing flexibility and strength."

Also Thursday October 4, 2007: the Onion (byline: America's finest news source) reports that "New heart device allows Cheney to experience love."

I don't know about this Maxwell.Surely you have heard that "haste makes waste"?

What We Are Doing Is Representing

2007-10-04T12:55:00.000-05:00

FLASH:

The RIAA has filed some 26,000 lawsuits against file-sharing individuals since 2003, usually settling out of court for $3000. Tuesday, a woman named Jammie Thomas, 30, became the first person to take the RIAA to court. Her hometown?

Brainerd, Minnesota.

Ms. Thomas

Mr. Bunyan

Awwwwww yeeeeaaaahhhh.

Journal Of A Plague Year

2007-10-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

I am sick. My throat has swollen shut. My eyes water with compassionate tears.

Most people would blame the steamy cauldron of new germs that is a dorm, or the fact that I've been averaging about 6.5 hours of sleep per night, but not me. I recognize this sickness for what it is: divine judgment. I have sinned, and this is my punishment.

What was my sin, you ask? Gluttony? Lechery? Idolatry? Well, yes to all of the above, but God could overlook all of those. He could not look past, could not forgive my lack of faithfulness...to the Nintendo Wii.

I thought my relationship with my Wii was perfect and pure. We frolicked together in the fields and watched sunsets on the beach. I loved it as it loved me, and no other electronic device could get between us. Until he came along.

Prompted by an evil suggestion from that damned Jordan Stich, I am now seriously considering selling my Wii and games and using the proceeds to purchase an Xbox 360 and Halo 3.

This makes me a bad person. I am contemplating selling my sleek, cool, fun-loving underdog of a Japanese futuristic fun-box for a big clunky monstrosity, manufactured by an evil corporation which will probably use the proceeds from my purchase to oppress some Africans or exploit some orphans or something, all for the sake of a single game.

Yes, I have sinned, and here I invite the whole world to know it, that my shame and punishment might be complete. I have thought the thing, and so am just as damned as if I'd done it already.

I can already picture my break-up speech: Wii baby, it's not you, it's me. You're just too futuristic and revolutionary for me. I'm a simple man with simple alien-killing needs, and you deserve better.

I rightly hate myself for saying this: does anybody wanna buy a Wii, two controllers and nunchucks, wii sports, call of duty 3, twilight princess, and elebits for $350?

like OMGWTFBBQ

2007-10-02T21:27:00.000-05:00

Today, I showed up for the college fair at 10:17 and left at 10:22. Yep. It's like A1 Steak Sauce... that important.
Then, I played some relatively intense ultimate frisbee over at Gregory Park.

Today's Word of the Day, brought to you by Merriam Webster is
morganatic \mor-guh-NAT-ik\ adjective
: of, relating to, or being a marriage between a member of a royal or noble family and a person of inferior rank in which the rank of the inferior partner remains unchanged and the children of the marriage do not succeed to the titles, fiefs, or entailed property of the parent of higher rank

I think words like this are pretty pointless. Nobody uses them and I think it would probably be easier just to say of, relating or being a marrriage between a member of a royal......

But I digress. Let's back the train up for a sec. This homecoming week sucks as far as dressup days go. Let's take a look:
Mon: 80s day. --How 'bout some originality?
Tues: Black and White Day-- No it's not movement towards racial equality. This will probably be the second-most-participated-in day. I wore black dress pants a white dress shirt and a bitchin' white shoe/black shoe combo. Yeah.
Wed: Celebrity Day-- Or as the announcements would call it "Famous Person Day." Doesn't that just sound wrong in some way? Anyway, probably 0 participation.
Thurs: Disney Day-- Um... ok
Fri: Warrior Spirit Day-- No surprises here. Generally a good idea.

And that brings me to my latest discovery. For those of you who haven't been watching Dancing With the Stars, I suggest, start NOW. Thanks to girls with great bodies dancing provocatively wearing barely-there costumes, I have developed a deep appreciation for ballroom dancing.

I promised an update so here it is. I think our new mascott (pending school board approval) is going to be a Roman warrior.

Here it is, your Quote of the Day:
"Oh yes!" followed by Ryan Fellman moving intentionally into the path of a frisbee... and getting his cojones pwned. I geuss homecoming buttons don't make good nut cups.

love,
Bockmed

Who the hell is bundy?

2007-10-02T14:54:00.000-05:00

Hey everybody...just figured I'd post something on the mustache blog since I haven't for a good 5+ months. I don't really have anything interesting to post, but how is everyone doing? and a catfish, if you like:

And what would two guys with a catfish be without Miss Catfish 2007?

Living in the Moment

2007-10-01T21:07:00.000-05:00

Earlier this evening I did what Mr. Devine would call "be[ing] high school". That is, I went to coronation. More like KoreAnn-ation.
jk
kinda
The world's favorite little Asian, KoreAnn Martin, (isn't that kinda redundant "little Asian") played 2 songs solo and piano accompaniment for Mr. Turner Johnson. She was pretty much an all-star and recieved a standing ovation. My favorite part of her performance was the line in her first song (which she wrote in 8 minutes last night) "intense like... like camping".
Anyway, the honorable Mrs. Rusk continually pointed out how nervous the royalty was. I'm pretty sure they didn't really give a shit. So after the introductions of the candidates and some cute pictures King Turner and Queen Jess(ica Bye) were crowned. Wooo! For the most part the guys were studly and the girls pretty and it was all such a classic and heart-warming event... with no real significance.

Item two on the agenda: I have actually started to feel better. I can breath through my nose again. Also, I got new running shoes which were long overdue. And they feel good to run in... which would be the expected outcome of getting new shoes.

Tomorrow I get to sleep in. Why? Because of the annual CLC college fair. As there is only going to be one school there worth applying to (for me anyway) I will show up at the last minute, sign in, blah de blah. and it'll be good. Speaking of colleges. I think I'm going to apply to Stanford, the U of M, Northwestern, Wash. U, and either Yale or Brown.

I have a story. I'm fairly positive (or am I normative?) that Econ is the must entertaining hour of the day. We never do anything of merit and it's just loaded with good times.... kinda. Well not really but there are always quotable moments thanks to the venerable Brita Springstead. Today she went on to tell the entire class of her experiences with pee, more than likely with mr. Halverson listening. There was one about her trying to pee in a bottle on a bus and basically missing... all over, and on a sandwhich bag which she proceeded to eat out of. Also, she spoke of the time she drank a big gulp of piss at a party. You know, one would think that the moment it touched your tongue you would spit it out, realizing it isn't Apple juice (beer). But no, she had to ask "Why does this taste warm and salty?"
Which, Mustache Nation, is your Quote of the Day.

love,
Bockmed

I am a Man-Wolf

2007-09-29T18:16:00.000-05:00

Today during dinner in in the cafeteria I witnessed what was probably the most hilarious conversation I've ever heard. Two tables down from me there was a pair of strange, Dungeons and Dragons type kids. Typically, any conversation they have is quite amusing, a couple of days ago they were discussing wizards, but today it was extra entertaining. For 20 minutes, from the time I sat down until I left, they talked about werewolves.

I learned a great deal about werewolves during their conversation, for example:

"300 pounds is nothing for a werewolf, he could pick up this table and throw it, like, 500 feet."
"Werewolves can't just breathe fire, they need a special wolf potion"
"If a women was like 5'4", as a werewolf she would be like 9 feet tall."

That's all the of quotes I remember, I really wish I had brought a notebook and pencil with me to write down more, especially when they started to talk about what a werewolf would do if he played football.

And now a dog related youtube clip WAY cooler than Max's pugly puppy clip.

finding a gold mine.

2007-09-28T12:41:00.000-05:00

i stumbled upon one of the more intellectual conversations i have ever seen on blogger.

i think you could label them as two of the greatest philosophical minds to come from brainerd: jennifer dens and jason houle.

the title of the post was as follows:

"here's a thought:"

the post said:

"You can't sell a man a toothbrush if you punch out all of his teeth."

and now for 7 wonderful comments.

jennifer, 4/07/2007 10:56 PM: "but you could sell him some dentures."

houley, 4/08/2007 8:49 PM: "i wouldn't buy dentures from a man who punched out all my teeth."

jennifer, 4/12/2007 12:34 AM: "what if there was a denture monopoly? what if you sold them at really low prices? what if you punched them out accidentally because you were really going for the pinata but got his face instead?"

jennifer, 4/12/2007 12:38 AM: "wait I have more...what if he were blind and couldnt tell who knocked his teeth out? what if he were like a shark and had teeth that always grew back? what if he had the most terrible toothache in the world and you were somewhere super remote and he wanted you to take that tooth out so it wouldnt be a toothache anymore but you didnt have any tools so you just had to punch him?"

jennifer, 4/12/2007 12:38 AM: "then i guess you wouldnt have dentures either..."

houley, 4/14/2007 2:55 AM: "1) if my teeth were punched out by a denture monopolist, i would plead my case before a jury of my peers and, if that failed, publish my story either as a critically acclaimed novel with movie rights a la Erin Brokovich or else in a highly dubious left-wing pamphlet, whichever i could get, at any rate living my life in protest to the unnatural perversion of the free market system.

2) if my teeth were punched out by a denture retailer who undercut all the competitors, i'd still go to the competitors. i mean, this is like asking what i'd do if Wal-Mart came in to my house and stole all my moist towelettes. would i go back to Wal-Mart just because they sell moist towelettes for 5 cents cheaper than at Target? no, because it's the principle of the thing.

3) i suppose if i lived in a small mexican village y the local denture retailer came to my hacienda with the intention of breaking open a cumpleaños piñata but instead managed to smash my face in by casualidad, i would forgive him and allow him to service my dental injuries, but he'd of course pay for them. that's just how small-town folks work, and i certainly couldn't hold a grudge against him if he were really contrite about it and offered me free dentures to make up for it, because that would just be baaaaad sangre.

4) if i were blind and couldn't tell who had knocked out my teeth, i'd certainly ask someone's advice on the matter. i mean, i'd have to get help to find someone who could give me dentures in the first place, and if i said, 'hey, let's go to this guy,' my pal would be like, 'dude, no way, he's the type of denture retailer who would smash people's teeth just to get good business. let's go to this other guy instead because i went to high school with him and we used to be on the chess team.'

5) if i were like a shark and had teeth that always grew back, why would i ever consider buying dentures from anyone?

6) as you said, the guy wouldn't have dentures. but i mean, once we got back to civilization, i'd probably buy dentures from him, if he's a good enough bud to punch my teeth out when i ask him to. of course, he'd have to be really clumsy to punch out all my teeth while just trying to punch out one of them, unless it were the case that i was like, 'hey, this molar hurts like the Dickens, punch it out for me eh?' and he were like, 'wait, there's an oasis over there,' and i said, 'no you ignorant slut, that's a mirage. it's caused by a warping of the air by heat. punch out my molar' and then because i called him an ignorant slut he got mad at me and didn't stop with the one molar but went on to the rest of my molars, and my canines and bicuspeds and incisors as well, in this case i would probably suspect he had alterior motives in his tooth-punching than alleviating my discomfort, and i'd probably not trust him on further dental issues."

houley, 4/14/2007 2:55 AM: "so i guess i should qualify that in only certain rare circumstances would i buy dentures from a man who punched out all my teeth."

it's like a maiden voyage.

2007-09-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

in roughly one hour i will take my first test of my collegiate life. our professor e-mailed us the instructions online:

1.) arrive at willey hall.
2.) upon arrival, undo belt.
3.) pull down pants.
4.) bend over.

but after that, there aren't any more instructions. i'm pretty sure i learned what comes next during my college of liberal arts orientation last summer. (really, what topic didn't we go over)

i've taken all of the pre-tests and done fairly well, but i feel as though i'm nowhere near prepared as i should be. while most of the stuff covered in chapters 1-4 were supposed to be "review," i don't recollect doing much of it in high school.

we'll see how it goes. wish me luck. for the next hour i think i'm going to take in some final-minute-crunch-time-studying.

mustache out!

Doing Drugs Is A-Okay

2007-09-24T21:09:00.000-05:00

And now for a steaming pile of information about Max Kuehn's Northwestern experience thus far.

1. Class schedule

Humanities 210: The Good Society
This is my double-wide freshman seminar. We'll be reading a bunch of classic books and talking and writing (and writing and writing) about what constitutes a good society. It should be basically the ultimate liberal arts experience, so I'll see how I like that. My professor is a pretty cool guy, and I'm looking forward to arguing some suckas into submission in discussion.

German 221: Intro to German Literature, 1945-Present
Probably the class I'm most excited about. We're gonna read and discuss a bunch of post WWII short stories, all auf Deutsch. While my German is a little rusty after three months of non-usage, I think I'll do alright. I already read one story (Nachts schlafen die Ratten) in AP last year. This will be the first course I attend tomorrow, at 11 a.m. .

Astronomy 120: Highlights of Astronomy
I was going to take calculus, then statistics, then maybe economics, then maybe psychology, but shit got wild and I decided that my other two courses would be challenging enough without piling on another layer of math and/or essays. I've always had an interest in astronomy and this is supposed to be a great introduction to the subject.

Courses for the future, maybe:
The Bible as Literature
Linear Algebra and Multivariable Calculus
Intro to Psych
German Culture Through Film
Statistics
Some sort of econ (I'll have to go get advised on that at some point)
Japanese History
A big pile of art history courses
Borges

2. I want to study abroad as well. Northwestern has a few programs for Germany, which is where I'd like to go. At the information session the guy talked about the opportunity for doing a research project while abroad, and I started to think about Germany and religion and art and wondering if I could somehow tie them together into a sweet independent research project. It's very exciting to think about, but I know I'll have to work hard to come up with a proposal good enough to get approval. I'll keep you posted.

3. I am on track to gain a lot of weight. It's going to be a chore to stay in shape when I've got so much terribly non-nutritious food at my fingertips and a gym made difficult, nay, nigh on impossible to reach by the vagaries of geography and time management. I made it out to the Sports Pavilion and Aquatic Center (or SPAC [rhymes with quack] to nearly everyone on campus--it irritates me when people pronounce acronyms phonetically, and Northwesterners do it every third motherfucking sentence) once over the course of the week, despite 3 or more planned trips. What's more, my 25 minute workout left me quite sore the next day, and feeling rather sick the day after that; that is, today. On the plus side, I walk everywhere, and I don't really know my way around campus yet so I'm highly inefficient and take lots of extra steps.

4. Now, I try to be a positive person, and I have met some very interesting people and started what should be a few solid friendships, but while friends are great, it's also vital to have some enemies. With that in mind: there is one kid in my freshman seminar group who has really started to piss me off. He goes by Tommy. He is a conspicuously well-groomed Caucasian male with bleach blond hair who talks about all the parties he attends and calls unpleasant things "gay." He owns a seemingly limitless supply of khaki shorts, sandals, and, worst of all, novelty T-shirts. One says "Better An Awkward Morning Than A Boring Night." Another, "HORN IF YOU'RE HORNY." A third (actually a trucker hat, now that I think about it) is emblazoned with the noble motto, "I LIE TO GIRLS."

The mere fact of this apparel's existence is pretty infuriating to me, but the worst part of it is that every day, someone in the groups compliments him on his attire. Apparently, people want to be like Tommy.

Now here's my problem with this otherwise excellent MacBook: on the creaky old PC back home, I would have been able to make a whole series of entertaining and informative images on reliable old Paint, while on this gleaming marvel of modern technology, I am unable to create so much as a line segment. Does anybody know if my Mac has some standard imaging program? I'll just have to describe the images for now and rely upon your IMAGINATIONS.

It's a line of t-shirts and hats with irreverent mottoes on them, including such gems as:

HORN IF YOU'RE A SHALLOW, MISOGYNISTIC PIECE OF SHIT

Future Date Rapist

Horrible Person

I already owned Tommy (and his unbearable bro, Victor) at our mandatory "dialogue on diversity" breakout session today, and I'm looking forward to running a train on him four days a week.

I'd love to keep ripping on all the horrible people in the world, but I have to ATTEND COLLEGE CLASSES IN THE MORNING, and, thanks to my foolish decision to actually work out, I'm sick. Here, I'll try to end it on a positive note.

Louis the pug stud's owners took some video of the puppies playing the day before they started leaving. The camera work leaves something to be desired, but PUPPIES.

P.S.: There's a restaurant a half block from my dorm, open until midnight (2 a.m. on weekends), which offers one egg, potatoes, and toast for $2.99. I plan to patronize it on a disturbingly regular basis.

Your Mom and I Sold Your Soul to the Devil

2007-09-24T20:36:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to avoid writing a letter to the editor for Lang.
Flashback to Friday.... Oh what a day! For those of you who don't know, I visited the U of M on Friday. I was quite impressed with the U for the most part, except for how much money they've given me. I'd be quite displeased if I didn't get a lot more once I actually apply. After a fruitfull visit I proceeded up to Muslim Magic's dorm room, where we waited for two fine young ladies before departing to Middlebrook, which is where we met up with Mick and several other Brainerd folk/new friends. (man that was a runon sentence) From there we went down to a nice little bar. Being an 18+ party presented an issue. Young Kubas came up with the great idea that they pay with their student ID's while I 'forget' mine. So we get to the door, and Ahmed pays. The suspense builds. Two more pay. It's my turn.
I hand the lady a $20
guy: "Do you have your student ID?"
me: "Oh shit, I forgot it."
guy: "Do you have another form of ID?"
me: "No, not with me."
guy: "Where do you go to school?"
me. "...."
guy: "Quick now."
me: "Uh, St. Cloud State."
guy: "Good enough for me."
The lady makes change and marks my hand. Let's listen to some ska.
So after some 'we're your #x fans' and a 'will you dedicate a song to me?" the music began. The first band was pretty awesome, and the really good trombone player gave a shot out to his number 1 fan in the yellow (Kubas). At about the middle of the second act my enthusiasm died, and I began to take in my surroundings. For one thing the emo kid:happy kid ratio was way too high. Also, throughout the duration of the show, there was an emo couple that couldn't have been older than 15 involved with heavy foreplay that generally grossed out myself and those around me. And what would a liberal-saturated concert be without a gay couple holding each other close/making out literally an inch behind young Shannon Kummet. From there the night wound down with some Arby's and King of the Hill. Oh yeah, and I proceeded to feel sicker and sicker, my nose running like a faucet.
Saturday: Depart the U at 8, proceed to sleep all afternoon and lounge about all night.

So, basically, I think I'll not be wanting to go to school tomorrow, and I may use some of my freetime to look up symbols to apply to my tattoo design. For those naysayers who are sure to arise, Mr. Kubas is not why I want a tattoo. I have wanted to get a tat for a few years now. My good friend just gave me the inspiration to seriously consider actually going through with it in about maybe a year... or so.

Love,
Bockmed

for bockmed

2007-09-23T20:36:00.001-05:00

this was as good as we could get it. (not the best lighting. awkward camera angle. insane flash. you get the drift.)

720

2007-09-21T14:52:00.000-05:00

it looks as though the mustache blog is (temporarily) back up-and-running.

in roughly two hours i will be reunited with my long lost arby's companion and buddy. this = excitement.

for those of you outside of the twin cities, you might not be familiar with the hub. it's basically an illegal person-to-person file sharing network...but i don't think it's possible to get caught/in trouble. in other words...most everyone has the hub at the U.

it took quite awhile for freshmen to be put into the system...and only two days ago i finally found my light at the end of the tunnel: i was IN.

since that time frame....less than 48 hours later....i have already downloaded 656 songs. and those are just the audio files.

i have a number of simpsons episodes...nearly all of prison break...i just can't get enough. it's my new crack.

so now that my neck is itching and you are (mostly) caught up with my life, i must go find more music to enjoy.

mustache out!

I have the proud distinction...

2007-09-19T21:57:00.000-05:00

While Maxwell Kuehn is busy recounting his novel (and I am sure quite enchanting) experiences with ill-located dorms, and while Justin Bock is so efficiently (and if I may add, so eagerly) handling the "High School Department", I feel compelled to write something about entertainment.

Yes, it may sound stale, but while all of you folks were talking about college, another stellar phenomenon came and went away virtually unnoticed.Were it not for my prodigious observational skills, this venerable blog would be left without the potential benefits of discussing this magnificent phenomenon.

I am, of course, talking about the third and final installment in the ambitious Bourne series, The Bourne Ultimatum.

A frantic Bourne on one of his routine globe-trotting operations

Never mind that there were only three people besides me in the theater when I went for the movie today.Never mind that the movie is not an ounce (or perhaps I should say a gram?) closer to the book from which it was supposed to be derived from.Never mind that the great Jason Bourne suffers not so much as a scratch even as his stolen Police cruiser is smashed to pulp.It's all guns n glory.It's action, nonstop.

And it's not only the action.Even in the midst of chasing hired gunmen in packed streets of Morocco, Russia, Spain and New York, Jason Bourne has enough time on his hands to be a hardcore wisecrack.

Sample this phone conversation between Bourne and the CIA Deputy Director, his arch nemesis:

Nemesis:Let's meet somewhere [Or something mundane of that sort]

Bourne:[In a steely tone] Where are you right now?

Nemesis:[Quite smugly]In my office

Bourne:[Jeering]I doubt it

Nemesis:Why would you doubt it?

Bourne:Because if you were, we would be having this conversation face-to-face...

[Proceeds to replace a telephone on Nemesis' desk with a grim smile]
[Meanwhile, Nemesis says something mundane like "Abort.Get back to the office.He is in my office."]

It's official.Bourne is the new Bond.

Fall Breaks And Back To Winter

2007-09-19T16:09:00.000-05:00

After a week of backpacking through Pennsylvania (more on that later), I have arrived at Northwestern University. I'm only freaking out a little bit. Good for me.

My roomate Tay and I ended up on the fourth floor in a corner room in Allison Hall, the best dorm on campus. We've got mixed reports on the room so far: it's isolated, but kind of private; we're right at the vertex of the guys' and girls' wings, but we're also right next to the RA; and we're close to the stairs and bathroom, which means both convenience and potential annoyance. I'm doing my best to combat the tendency to skip right over our room by playing loud music on my $50 Insignia speakers. The strategy has been surprisingly successful so far.

I've met a lot of unbearable frat types, a couple of hilarious stoners, some very pretty Asian girls, and more awkward, nerdy motherfuckers than you can shake a stick at.

I'm glad to see the blog is still up and running. Welcome, Mr. Bock. I would like to see some updates from Messrs Hukriede, Patel, and Bundy, however.

I need to go learn about choices involving alcohol. I promise I'll drop some photos of Pennsylvania later.

p.s.: Top major contenders as of right now, in no particular order:
Economics
Art History
German
English
Religion
Psychology

Rice Crispy bars are delicious

2007-09-16T15:22:00.001-05:00

Today, while killing time during my open hour, I stumbled across the funniest thing ever. Seriously, click on it, you might think it's a joke.
And it's time to segway into other news. See, that's nice because I spelled Segway, which isn't how you spell segue. The reason I chose to do so is because we had to do research on the company that makes Segway for economics.... Which was fruitless, and lacking a real point. In other economic news: I took probably the funniest test ever today------
For one thing, the person from first hour who had my copy of the test had marked on it... with question marks next to 75% of the questions,
13. The concept of the "invisible hand" suggests:

B) Adam Smith was an opium addict.

8.According to the above information:
C)Texas will exchange lettuce with Michigan for garbage.

If I were an opium-addicted 'father' of economics, I would come up with a concept related to gravy. As demand for gravy decreases, the top of the boat becomes stagnant and comes out rather chunky, as opposed to as a smooth liquid, thus decreasing the price of said gravy, and the excess supplies become less profitable. If the gravy company is unable to profitably sell the surplus of gravy, the gravy company goes out of business, that is, into the garbage.
See, I'm an economics stud.

Speaking of studs... What has two thumbs and is more jacked than half of the football players on the field?

This Guy.

If I could grow up to be half the man Ed Hochuli is, I would be....
really jacked.

Quote of the day: (in two parts)
first, a little background information. Somehow, Brita Springstead gets A's in nearly everything. I say somehow, because (and those who know her can back me up) she is perhaps the spaciest person you will ever meet. Spacy, as in, there is nothing between her ears... except space.
Earlier that day-Brita-"You're meaner than Osama Bin Laden."

after several more Bin Laden comments:

Brita-"I don't know, I geuss I've just been thinking about Osama a lot today."
Me-"Were you touching yourself?"
others-(cacophonous laughter)

Friday I shall reunite with my muslim brother in Minneapolis, and it shall be glorious.

love,
Bockmed

But for him it's a walkspace

2007-09-15T10:52:00.000-05:00

I am a weak-willed individual. I was just reading the "The Beginning of the End" comment thread. I gave up somewhere around 550.
On another note, yesterday, I recieved literature from 6 different colleges/universities. I think that's a Bockmed single-day record. It's kind of annoying though. Half of it goes straight into the recycling. Among the universities that have sent me stuff (unsolicited), are: All of the Ivy Leaguers, and MIT. It's flattering, but really, I don't think I'll apply to any of them. Doing the applications just seems like more work than it's worth, they want all kinds of SAT II's, (F that, I'm done with tests), application fees, + if I do get in, do I want to go that far away just to go to school at an expensive institution with a bunch of tools? So, after that ramble, Mustache Nation, I'm calling to you for a favor... Where should I apply? I'm thinkin' something along the lines of the U of M, Wash U, and Northwestern. But, I feel like I should maybe add another one or two to that list. Ideas? (Yes Kubas, I've thought about UVA)

love,
Bockmed

Some say it's a crawlspace

2007-09-15T09:00:00.000-05:00

Recently, I was raped by Ap Bio. Let's look back at the series of events leading up to said abuse.
First day of school- learn that the objectives and vocab of the first three chapters are due fri. the 14th
flash forward to thursday night-get back from cross-country meet at 8:30, proceed to work on Bio that I put off until that night for the next 3 hours.
Friday morning-get hosed on the quiz

In other news:
1)Hewitt still isn't an asshole
2)Thursday's meet went well. Although it was cold I ran a personal best... by a minute and 18 seconds. Such a drop was made possible by having our first two meets at two of the hilliest courses in the state. By the way, our varsity is dominant. For sure gonna win state.
3)Last night's game was dece. Then fans were great, the play was mediocre, and the band mostly sucked. But nonetheless, our Warriors beat Rocori 24-18.
4)I've heard talk of a committee of students/administrators/werewolves planning to revise our logo (the good ol' flyin' B) and possibly create a mascott. More on that in the future.
5)Cross-country is sadistic. Yesterday was a long-awaited 'Activity Day.' For those of you who are wondering 'activity' is well-know to mean "running in disguise." We were hoping for soccer. Instead, roll the dice 3 times to pick destinations around town to run to. woohoo!
6)Halverson is still figuring out how to teach AP economics. Our class is down from18 to now 9 or 10 students.

Quote of the Day:
Catherine Lepel: "How can you do that?"
Rich Berggren: "Magic. Seven years at Hogwarts mostly...."

love,
Bockmed

p.s. I still don't understand "Labels for this post:"

...lives in kubas' closet.

2007-09-14T10:56:00.000-05:00

(to all of the stalkers, pedophiles, rapists, afro-lovers, and overall creepishly-obsessed fans of andrew kubas)

for those of you who don't know, i live in comstock hall. (now you can find me.) and, well, the food here isn't the best.

my neighbor "across the way" (otherwise known as the hall) is named ben. him and i are both freshman and we have a theory: comstock food tears you apart...in many ways. upon arriving on campus it seems like i have encountered a pattern: eat, go to class, in the middle of class experience immense stomach ache, after class proceed to lose 7 pounds. (ok, maybe the 7 pounds is a bit exaggerated, but you get the idea)

i would like to point out that there is a differnce among "being regular" and "eating comstock food." being regular implies that i take metamucil or benefiber or just eat my weight in bananas each day. eating comstock food is quite different. it probably takes care of the "freshman fifteen" in and of itself: you eat (for example) a bagel and...presto! a perfectly round, fresh, delicious bagel comes sliding out of your anal orifice. it's as though the digestion process is null and void: who needs it?

while reflecting on what i have written i realize that i may have offended a few readers based upon this "bathroom related" post. i just want to say that pooping is perfectly manly. but eating comstock food just isn't.

reporting live from the third floor...

mustache out!

Look mom, I made a protein

2007-09-12T20:11:00.000-05:00

What has two thumbs and is new to the blog? This guy.

As the new, and only mustache in BHS, I feel very honored. As such, I will do what I can to keep the outside updated on news from the inside.
First off, on the first day of school, in the meeting of the senior class, we got the (probably) classic, "now you're seniors, it goes fast" responsibility speech. I have to say, Rusk bashed on the class of '07. They showed a lack of leadership and left a rather poor legacy. Those were her words. She did acknowledge some good individuals, however.
New rules: cell phones, i-pods and such are strictly verboten during class time. Teachers must give written passes to allow students to leave the room (Blong). Teachers must take attendence (Blong).
They are really cracking down on the less tasteful cheering of old. Following the first football game of the season, all 4 captains of the cross-country team were called to Selk's office before practice one day and basically told "clean it up or no state." I think they're serious.
The band has moved to the home team bleachers, right next to the student section.
Against Moorhead, I didn't hear any of the classics (Fuck, give me an s-e-x, what's that spell? Score! Score! Score!, buuuullllshhhiittt) A fan favorite however, courtesy of coach Trout (craziest guy you'll ever meet) goes as such: "ooomp. Oomgawa. Gotta have that warrior powa!" Yeah.

An assessment of my classes:
1) AP Bio- Mrs. Harmer is overly organized/on crack-cocaine. Pretty easy so far.
2)open- nobody to share it with
3)AP Calc- It's Blong 'nuff said
4)Band- Berggren is a friggin mango. If he didn't have kids I'd call him flaming gay. He directs frequently with the aid of a wood block or a cow bell. Also, for awards there is a point system 1-299 activity points gets a participation award. 300+ letters. Points are given out for such things as playing at games in the pep band. If I had known about this I would have gone for 0 points, being in band, but not getting the participation award. Unfortunately, playing at friday's game earned me 20 pts already. damn
5)AP Lang- I was really hoping to have this with Devine. In the past (basketball then football) Hewitt has been a total asshole to me. He seems to have had a change of heart in that department and is actually a good teacher and quite witty.
6)AP microeconomics- Mr. Halverson has no idea what he's doing. I bet I 5 the test though.

On a separate note, why is it that woodland creatures are so comforting? In Halverson's room there is one of those old-school agenda boards and on the bottom there is a squirrel in a cape saying that "Planning your day gets you on your way" or something like that. Just a question.

Arby's really misses me. Stephen is called me at my house last night... just to say hi.

p.s. I don't get the 'labels for this post' thing

the neighborhood midget...

2007-09-12T14:59:00.001-05:00

the other day i returned to my dorm to find both a lovely note and a nickel attached to my door. (the nickel was for a down-payment to buy a cellular device. thanks, buddy!) i really hope you all can read this "hilarious" message...if not, i'll write it out later.

in other news, the great mr. justin bock recently pointed out a flaw within the mustache network: we have no voice/representation from inside of BHS. so...in light of max just randomly adding tirth to the blog....i feel it necessary to randomly add justin bock to the mustache blog. he has been a loyal and faithful supporter of the team, and will provide an uncanny ability to update the graduated mustache nation on developing situations inside the halls of that old place we used to call "high school."

also, unlike all of us, he'll actually post from time to time.

'tis all for now. mustache out!

Preludes & Nocturnes

2007-09-08T17:38:00.000-05:00

As I prepare to drop "off the grid" until Tuesday the 18th of September, I think I oughta drop a word to the mustache faithful first.

Dear Mustache Nation:

I'm sorry. I've been neglecting the old blog as of late, and that's....that's just not fair to you. I think you deserve better.

I've been trying to justify my behavior, saying "Oh, I need to get ready for college" and "Ugh, I work so much I don't have time to blog" and "Mwah, I'd rather play with pug puppies than keep my friends updated on the details of my day to day life." Fuck that noise.

I hereby promise to be a better blogger, posting whenever I have a funny experience or a weird dream or a near-fatal injury or a triumph of wit or just a good pun. I promise to do this thing right, to bring back to the good old days, the glory days, the high hearty halcyon days of yore.

Starting next Wednesday.

Probably.

Yours sincerely,
Constant K

...and then it happened

2007-09-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

last night i came home late. and a cool kid named trent had given me a free pizza.

i've been living in a single dorm in comstock hall....and to say it easily, comstock is the LEAST social hall of all of them. everyone on my floor is either a sophomore or a junior...so being a freshman didn't exactly help. it seems as though everytime i get done with class and come back to my dorm, the doors are always closed and everyone is in their own private little world. (not cool when it comes to college) my door is ALWAYS open and free to visit!

like i was saying...last night I got back at about 10:30 and my friend Trent gave me a free pepperoni pizza. So I was like, "alright, this anti-social-ness ends now!!" There was only ONE door open--so I went to that room--and was lke, "do you want some free pizza?" And pretty much INSTANTLY the people came out of the dorms and the masses began huddling around this ancient concept of free pizza. And they were all like, "Oh man, you guys, this floor is so antisocial. Why do we live here?" And we were all uniting our forces thanks to a boy named kubas with a free pizza. Honestly, we had about 10 of us guys in the hallway (which is unheard of in comstock!) and we were just talking and hanging and having a good time.

so today, when i came back from chemistry, most of the doors on my hall were opened and the people were a bit more friendly. i think i smell winds of change.

it's been a long time coming.

hopefully these blogs aren't as antisocial as the first 6 days of comstock.

mustache out!

too much free tme at college.

2007-09-04T11:43:00.000-05:00

why i love the onion.

many the miles.

2007-09-03T17:50:00.000-05:00

i am finally moved in. the room is...interesting. i apologize for a lack-of-kubas-posting-the-entire-summer, but...what do you do.

i guess i'll post some pictures of what my room looks like. it's a decent setup. i don't exactly own a digital camera, so i took these pics at an awkward angle with the camera on my computer. enjoy.

my bed area.

my cluttered desk/fridge/microwave area

my relaxation area. (soooo comfortable!)

a closer view of my desk. i have since straightened it.

my technology area. the big space in the middle is where my laptop goes.

my amazingly comfortable office chair.

Driving Drunk Isn't Manly

2007-09-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

Looking Out My Backdoor

2007-08-14T22:51:00.000-05:00

Five items today:

1. Today I was walking past the S.A.V.E. tobacco superstore when I noticed a sign in the window which read

"Roll your own cigarettes and save up to 50%, or more."

Apparently by rolling my own cigarettes I can save less than, or more than, 50%. I'd say somewhere between zero and one hundred percent, but who's to say that no one would actually pay me to make my own cigarettes, or that the discount could in fact be negative, and I would be forced to pay extra for the privilege of pinching out the strands and licking the paper.

I laughed about that sign for a moment. Then I saw two guys drive by in identical 1960's convertibles. Both guys were about 60, way too tan, and shirtless. I laughed quite a bit more about that.

2*. I realize that not everyone who reads this blog has seen Shaun of the Dead and/or Hot Fuzz, and even fewer are fans of the Streets, but I feel compelled to make an announcement:

When listening to The Streets, never, ever picture Nick Frost, Simon Pegg's bumbling side-kick, as the lead singer. You'll never be able to stop.

3. Puppies puppies puppies. The runt was just too runty to make it. She is in a box in the ground. I cried about her for a while. But! There are 5 other healthy alive puppies. Perhaps I'll get around to posting pictures and profiles at some future date.

4. I picked up a pizza at the Rafferty's take and bake place today and as I walked in I thought "Man, I hope Tirth's working." Just now I realize that he's in India. Goddamnit.

5. My roomate's name is Taylor Jang. He's from a suburb of San Francisco, I think. He has a very well-maintained facebook page. More on this as the situation develops.

*Not that he'll ever read this, but this was Sam Walker's suggestion.

Pray For Rain

2007-08-10T10:44:00.000-05:00

6 pug puppies, 3 boys, 3 girls, were all born today between 7 and 9 a.m. Poppy's first two litters were of 5 and 4 puppies, respectively.

One puppy is much smaller, about half the size of the others. I don't know if she's going to make it. Cross your fingers.

Untitled

2007-08-09T01:17:00.001-05:00

Greetings from India, folks!
It has been raining a lot here, and a couple of days ago, the temp. was around 37 degrees Celsius (my brains are too fried out to convert that to F) with about 100% humidity.

Anyway, here are a few things that have been leasing my mindspace right now:

1.Before I left the U.S. on July 30, I attended a three-day orientation gig at UCLA, The Chosen One for the fall.Well, on the very first day, our O.C. (Orientation counselor) divided our group of ten into pairs and instructed us to "break the ice" by finding out something that both persons had in common.In ten minutes.After the stipulated time was over, Mr OC went around our sophisticated oval formation asking each pair the question of the day: Tell us something that you found in common with your partner.Well he reaches this pair consisting of a girl, whom we shall refer to as S., and a boy, whom we shall refer to as W.Follow on the conversation that ensued:

Mr OC: OK, W. what did you found in common with S.?
(The crowd (that's the rest of us) leans in to catch the vital answer)
W.:Well, I found out that both of us have lived in Paris at some point of our lives
(The crowd silently oohs and aahs)
Mr OC:That's something, W.! Now S. what did you find in common with W.?
(The crowd performs its ritual)
S.:One thing that I have in common with W. is [pay close attention now, folks] that we both have watched a live open heart surgery.
(The crowd faints at this stunning piece of information)

But I tell you, folks.Bonds like these are hard to break.They last a lifetime...

2.Bulgarian classes.That's right.Here I am, lazily browsing the internet, opening my email account at UCLA, and ZAP!, I find an email that sincerely entices me to sign up for Bulgarian classes that are being offered in tandem by UC Berkeley and UCLA.Go figure...

3.Cricket.India is currently touring (that's what they call it in cricket lingo) England and is slated to play three test matches (the ones that Maxwell erroneously surmised last seven days) and seven one-day matches (I think the name speaks for itself).Well, today is that auspicious day when the third and final test match starts on the Oval Ground (quite a venerable and historic cricket stadium in England)If India wins this one, it will win the test series.22 years after it performed this feat in England for the first time.Chance of a lifetime, eh?

Seems like that's all.
So then, as my good friend Ed Murrow said: Good night, and good luck!

P.S. 9 out of 10 Americans are officially fed up by the monkey-business of Paris, Nicole, Britney and Lindsay.If I were not out of the country, the statistic would've been 10 out of 10.

My Life in Pictures

2007-08-01T17:43:00.000-05:00

The Manly Mustache logo Simpsonized

(I have too much free time)

The Mercury Grand Marquis

The Mercery had a major engine problem and we are planning on trading it in on a newer car. Any Suggestions?

The Charger

My mode of transportation until we get a new car.

University Wisconsin-Superior

The college I'll be attending

Litchfield

The city we're moving to this summer.

KG To Boston

2007-07-31T11:52:00.000-05:00

After 12 years in Minnesota, it appears that KG is going to Boston. The Wolves would in return receive Al Jefferson (young future all-star F/C), Gerald Green (young G/F with all-star potential), Theo Ratliff (center with expiring contract which will free up 10 million in cap room next year), Sebastian Telfair (former top 10 pick at PG with talent), Ryan Gomes (young foward with good potential) and two future 1st round picks.

Dealing KG will hurt the team in the short term, but in the long run it looks like a great deal. My prediction is no more that 40 wins this year, but within the next 2 or 3 years the Wolves will be one of the top 5 teams in the Western Conference.

What The Poet Said To The Sea

2007-07-31T10:08:00.000-05:00

Quick hits, broadcasting live from the new MacBook at the Brainerd Public Library (wireless Internet, don't you know):

1. Poppy is pregnant like a pumpkin.

2. I'm worried about my cat. He's getting pretty old, and he's starting to show it.

3. Gumshoe 4 should be out any day now.

4. I have a Northwestern assignment: read Utopia. I think I'll do it in a coffee shop while wearing a turtleneck. Oh God, does Sam Walker own a turtleneck? If not, it's only a matter of time.

5. According to a letter I recieved the other day, I will need a 4000 cubic inch backpack for my Northwestern hiking/camping. I don't think my current one is big enough, so I might need to buy one, along with some hiking boots for the 5-7 hours of daily hiking we'll be doing. Maybe I'll bond with the dude who has to carry me up the side of the mountain.

6. I need to check Northwestern's policy on knives. I hope it's like the U of M's: if the blade is 4 inches or less it's fine. I started using a knife this summer, and it's turned out to be quite useful. I'm definitely bringing one on the camping trip and I'd like to have one around for opening, prying, whittling, juggling, and other knife-based activities. Perhaps the student handbook can answer my questions.

7. You know who I haven't seen in a while? Matt Capelle. Capelle, I gotta get that Lord of the Rings radio show from you again.

Also, Andrew Kubas, it's been too long.

8. The Crow Wing County Fair opens today. This is my year to find the medallion. I can just FEEL it.

Age Of Consent

2007-07-29T22:56:00.000-05:00

I had a rather pivotal night of work tonight.

At about 8:20 p.m., I had one inside (staying at the resort [jack shit for tips]) table of 8 who were grumpy about their bitchy kids, and one outside ($$$ if you play your cards right) table of 8 who seemed to really dislike me. I was feeling down; the outside table just seemed totally dissatisfied with me. Motherfuckers called me "Mike" about an hour into service. They seemed to want a super-professional, elegant, graceful, French-fluent ballerina for a waiter, not dumpy old Max Kuehn. I was strongly considering my alternate summer job options for the future, such as the blue-chip ditch-digging racket Sam and Josh are in on.

Then, SUDDENLY:
Someone at the table made a little joke, I joked back, and they started to warm up to me. I got a sweet bit going; one dude kept talking about how he was paying the bill, so I was pandering to him in an outlandish fashion ("Can I get you anything else? Especially you?"). The capper came when I brought out the bill and gave it to the guy, and he said "I've been lying to you Max, I'm not actually the one paying the bill!"

I stood up straight, sighed deeply, and said "Well, to Hell with you then."

And they LOVED it. They were applauding, hooting, rolling in the aisles. After their meal, they took a picture with me in the lobby.

In conclusion: apparently, there is a place at Lost Lake Lodge for an ironic asshole waiter. If you get the people in the right mood you can basically stand there and insult them and they pay you for it. Kinda like Al's Breakfast, but with better tips and fewer health code violations.

P.S.: I hit 40 hours tonight and I'm working a double tomorrow. Delicious overtime gravy.

The Sharing Is For Cool Kids

2007-07-25T23:10:00.000-05:00

Today at work I had a little kid ask for a pancake with a chocolate syrup smiley face on them. I, being the helpful fellow I am, complied with his request. He was away from the table when I carried the pancake out, but he hurried over when he saw the food. He stood over the plate, looked at his mom, looked back at the pancake, then threw up all over it.

It was very straightforward, not at all dramatic. He might have just been saying "hello," except instead of words coming out of his mouth, it was barf. His mom was flipping out, but the kid didn't seem too worried about it:

Mom (concerned): What happened, honey?
Kid (matter-of-fact): I threw up.

Amused by this ad at the Credit Union the other day:

Bank advertisement, or Yeerk recruiting literature?

instead

2007-07-23T19:28:00.000-05:00

i recently turned 19. i really wanted to splooge and buy myself a fun present...

i've known for awhile now that guster was coming to apple valley on july 22/23. unfortunately, they sold out for both shows months ago. so this got me a little down/depressed.

that moment has passed.

i just noticed that i still have a solid $11.53 on my itunes account. i've been struggling to decide on a quality album to purchase. part of me wants to buy ben kweller's latest album, but it's about a year old and i kind of want something fresh. i've also kind of wanted to buy rufus wainwright's "release the stars" album but i kind of want his old-school "poses" cd. any suggestions?

also: i've been working at arby's. the co-workers are quite interesting...all of them are really nice...but not very educated. i have really fun conversations with one of the managers named amanda. she uses words or phrases like "tooken" or "i seen yesterday"...and i just find it hard to take her seriously.

then there is my man dan. he is (i'll ballpark it) about 70 years old. and kind of hard-hearing. he usually runs the fry machine thing and it is fun.

kubas: "hey dan, we need more chicken tenders down."
dan: "more jalepeno poppers?"
kubas: "no, more chicken tenders."
dan: "more popcorn chicken?"
kubas: "chicken tenders."

by this time my other manager, kim, (she is easily my favorite) pipes in...

kim: "CHICKEN TENDERS!!!"
dan, nonchalantly: "coming right up."

welcome to the real world?

Two Ships Exploding In The Night

2007-07-22T21:25:00.000-05:00

I have received my MacBook.

I'm on chapter 13 of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, whatever those turn out to be.

I have tomorrow off from work.

Half past nine, and all is well.

P.S.: To anyone who reads this blog and is a facebook friend of mine; sorry, bras. My facebook account is tied to my now-defunct i_shall_avenge_my_uncle (a smart, long-term choice in email addresses, that one), and it therefore rarely occurs to me to check it. I will search for some way to rectify the situation and move over to a more happenin' email. And then, then friend you all again I guess?

I'd love to say "Fuck facebook, if you corporate groupthink sheep want to talk to me you can call me, on my ROTARY TELEPHONE!", but honestly, facebook is a nifty way to keep sort-of in touch with a wide variety of people. Although I'd love to say that I call up every one of my friends every day, I'm just not that socially conscious of a person.

P.P.S.: I was reading the ridiculous Time article about lolcats earlier today, and I thought "Well, at least Tirth is in on the phenomenon now." What I should have been thinking, however, was obviously LOLPUGS.

So it's come to this.

The Thing About Transformers Is, You Don't Have To Choose Between A Car Chase Or A Robot Fight, Because The Cars ARE Robots

2007-07-17T22:27:00.000-05:00

I saw Transformers with my Pa the other day. I walked into the theater with high expectations (the Strib doesn't just hand out four-star reviews, you know [and unlike John Hansen's four-star selections, I usually enjoy the Strib's), and I gotta say: they were fulfilled.

In a movie with this many sweet robots, all the actors really have to do is meet a few basic requirements:

Our hero, Shiite LaBouferino or some such nonsense, was an acceptably underdog (and yet not too uncool) protagonist--check.

The dad stayed out of the way, and the mom was unexpectedly hilarious--check plus.

His love interest was a hot babe who managed to pose provocatively by a car hood for about six minutes straight--check.The army dudes were heroic-ish and said badass stuff like "Bring the rain!"--check.

John Voight brought a commanding screen presence to his role as some government guy, while reminding me of a pudgy Christopher Walken--check plus.The hacker subplot was kind of unnecessary, and the female analyst was deadly dull, but the black hacker dude was sweet ("Lemme work my magic!")--check minus.

John Turturro got peed on-excuse me, had coolant drained onto him-by a robot--check plus plus.

Now that that's out of the way: man, those robots were sweet. Not only did they look great (I'm sure the money spent on CG could have fed the entire continent of Africa for about a week), they had ATTITUDE. Plenty of movies have sweet robots--how many have sweet robot banter?Plus, they were all GM products. Clearly, alien robots know quality technology when they see it.

Final review: better than Armageddon, not as good as Independence Day. Man, now I'm just imagining how much better Transformers could have been with Will Smith in it.

Look at that soulful son of a bitch

There would have been no need for him to replace any of the other characters. He could have just parachuted in during the finale and punched out Megatron himself. But he'd have to have just said (pluskwam perfekt mit Sub II, oh snap) something like "Boo-yah! or "Ya heard?!?" or "Wasssup?!?" first.

30

2007-07-13T15:32:00.001-05:00

30 Bonus Points to whomever figures out this post's title's meaning first.

P.S.: Despite the Apple Corporation's repeated efforts to stop me, I'm extremely close to actually purchasing a computer.

Ain't No Party Like A Drug Free Party

2007-07-10T22:39:00.000-05:00

Sorry it's been so long since I posted, although I see Tirth has been keeping up the ol' mustache blog in my absence. Good show, Tirth.

2 things:

1. The treasure hunt is tommorow at 5 p.m. I requested the day off a month ago. I got my schedule for this week yesterday (due to my Canadian voyage), and, what do you know, they had me working 8 to 4. I was unable to get it off on such short notice.

You might imagine that with such a schedule I'd be reluctant to participate in the hunt, but I'm feeling pretty sanguine about the whole thing. I've packed up the van with a variety of supplies, and I've come up with some entertaining little secret agent gadgets that will blow all your minds. I plan to drive carefully, call everybody, and make a party out of it.

I'm still a bit concerned, though, especially about the working alone part. One of the nice parts about previous hunts was that if you ever lost enthusasim, or had to concentrate on the road, or were stuck on a clue, there was always somebody else to drive the car and carry the team for a while. If I'm flying solo and I get tired or dispirited or bored, I'm just not sure if I'm going to have the energy to keep going, you know? I won't be able to say "Okay John, run across this field in the blistering heat" or "Okay Sam, scurry up the side of that building." On the other hand, I'm under the impression that in this hunt skipping a clue or two won't be a dealbreaker, especially not for the informants.

Just got to keep my hopes up, I suppose. Just drink some Gatorade and call Mattson to insult him--you know, the usual pick-me-ups.

2. Larry Wilmore, the Daily Show's "Senior Black Correspondent" was staying at Lost Lake Lodge last week.

I considered going up and asking for his autograph, or at least asking him about the show, but I realized that I didn't remember his name, and I was too embarrassed to say "Hey, aren't you the black guy from the Daily Show?"

"Honestly, It's a bloodbath"

2007-07-08T21:56:00.000-05:00

I am a pretty staunch Harry Potter fan, although of course not as fanatical as the folks who are planning to camp out of bookstores eons before Deathly Hallows is released on July 21.I took the easy way out:I ordered a copy from B&N, and I am promised that the treasure will be delivered on the day it is released in bookstores.

I've been browsing through a myriad - a word faithfully despised by Mrs. Niemi - websites who have devoted their time and energy to the exalted existence of Harry Potter.Here's what I found:

1) Amazon.com features a customer discussion forum, which as of last count, has about 27182818284590 topics ranging from "None of the characters ever poo" to "Snape is a Riddle" to "Mr.Monk meets Harry Potter."
Suffice it so say that most of these topics are the "brilliant" productions of equally brilliant and productive minds that have a lot of free time at hand.
Access the forum here

2)Mugglenet.com has been the most satisfying experience so far.The webmasters have diligently decorated their homepage with a really good HP theme, and the homepage features recent HP events like OOTP (for non-Harryies, Order of The Phoenix, the movie) premier in England, JK Rowling's interview on the Jonathan Ross show.The links on the left side of the page lead to many interesting things both about the movies and the books.It was Jo's interview with Ross that prompted me to write here.Poking out from the glib formalities of the interview is this memorable snippet:

Ross: So, we've heard that two people die in the book...
Mighty Gal Jo: Actually, more than two people die now.[Pay close attention now]In fact, I think it is an absolute bloodbath...

Oh yeah!Bring on the bloodbaths, Jo!

3)HP-Lexicon.org is an uber-geeky HP fan site that specializes in formulating very complex and painstakingly accurate timelines of the entire HP series.For instance, they punctuate their discussion of individual chapters with dates, (and whenever possible, even time) when each event is supposed to be taking place.
Thinking of majoring in "The symbolic relevance of timelines in the Harry Potter universe and its impact on the psyche of the series as a whole", anyone?

4)JKRowling.com is an authoritative source on debunking all foul-smelling HP rumours (sample:Luna is Snape's daughter).Don't expect to find those cheesy discussion forums.However,the graphics are very sublime.

Anyway, all this exhausting sleuth work made me think of one important character that everyone has so cruelly overlooked: Remus J Lupin (Professor Emeritus of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry).

The poor bloke has seen nothing but misery his whole damn life:he was bitten by a psycho werewolf when he was a kid;he was rejected from Hogwarts as a student until Dumbledore became Headmaster;he was shunned by the wizarding world because of his er...problem;he was unceremoniously ousted by the handiwork of Severus Snape at the end of book three.

But here's more:the guy is now absolutely alone in the world.He has to painfully suffer the death of two of his best friends, Sirius and James, and also the betrayal of his third best friend, Peter.And now (that is, by the end of book 6), he has to suffer the death of Dumbledore, his figurative stepping stone in the wizarding world.

Maybe Jo should cut this miserable fellow some slack, you know?

Hodgkin's Law of Parallel Planetary Development

2007-07-03T11:58:00.000-05:00

My mom and I were channel surfing at about 10:30 the other night when we came across the second half of an episode of Star Trek. Both my parents, my mother in particular, were very big fans of the original Star Trek series. I haven't watched too much Trek, but a very entertaining half-hour television experience has me thinking that I really ought to watch the whole first series some time.

According the the "episode description" thing from the cable, the show concerned Kirk and Spock's mission to stop a rebel Starfleet captain who had violated the Prime Directive by using advanced technology to help a primitive society, the Kohms, in their war against another tribe known as the Yangs.

My mom and I arrived just in time to see Kirk punch the evil captain a few times, then vault over a low wall to avoid a phaser blast. Eventually, the whole group was captured by the Yangs, who resembled a bunch of blond white guys in fur shirts, talking like American Indians. At this point, Kirk and Spock made the astounding deduction that for some reason, humanity on this planet had followed a path almost identical to that it had on Earth, save for the fact that the Cold War had been won by the Commies. For you see, the Kohms were in fact Communists, and the Yangs were Yankees! At this point in the show, a tan fellow, naked to the waist, stepped through a doorway carrying OLD GLORY and the dramatic orchestra suddenly played the first few bars of the Star Spangled Banner in a menacing minor key. It was sweet.

A little later in the show, Kirk and the evil captain were both attempting to convince the Yang cheif of their own innocence and their rival's guilt (I think the preceding sentence may be grammatically unsound, but it gets the point across, don't you think?). At this point, the following exchange took place:

Chief: We have a way of telling good from evil.

My mom: Thunderdome

Chief: You will speak the sacred words. Surely the tongue of the evil one will burn when he...(blah blah blah, long shot of Shatner looking pained and confused, drama drama drama)

Kirk: Wait! Is it not also written that good is stronger than evil?

Max: Thunderdome

(Cut to next scene--Kirk and the evil captain are bound together at one wrist, standing in a circle of sand. The chief sticks a knife into the ground a few paces away.)

Max & mom: Thunderdome!

Then there was a very entertaining fight, then some inspiring patriotic mumbo-jumbo, then Shatner looking very pleased with himself as he speaks some final line about "helping them to discover their freedom" or something.

Very appropriate for the 4th of July.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2007-07-02T13:00:00.000-05:00

In the unforgettable movie The Untouchables, there is this memorable scene that goes like this:

Robert De Niro, who plays Capone, is hosting several of his goon-cronies in an elaborate dining.The cronies, ala kindergarteners, are sitting obediently around a lavish dining table, their heads stooping low.

Then Capone,with a smug smile on his face, jauntily asks something to this effect:
"What is it that pleases me the most?"
"What captures my imagination?"

His faithful cronies trip over themselves to please their boss:
"Dames..."
"Booze..."
"..."

Capone dismisses all of them regally, and then, boisterously proclaims:
"BASEBALL!"

He proceeds to pick up a finely crafted baseball bat from a silver platter and...Well ,the rest is not relevant to this blog.

I invoked this scene specifically to pose my own rhetorical question.In this magnificent, lethargic summer vacation, what is it that gives me the most joy?
I found out that answer last night, and being a magnanimous blogger, I shall share my joy.

Here is that little nugget:


The following AP Exams have been received by UCLA:
  Exam                                Score
 Biology                               5
 Chemistry                             5
 Economics: Macroeconomics             5
 Economics: Microeconomics             5
 English Language & Composition        5
 Government & Politics: United States  5
 Math: Calculus AB                     5
 Physics B                             5
 Psychology                            5

This is a very pleasant shock for me.I was thinking something entirely different about a couple of subjects: Chemistry ( I took the exam without taking the class) and Physics.
But anyway, as Blong would say, "All's good, Life's good"...

However,the best part about this whole affair is that I didn't have to fork out, as Maxwell Kuehn would say, Eight D's to call AP phone service.My overly meticulous and diffident college UCLA took care of this.They assiduously keep track of all the valuable documents they are supposed to receive from their students and then they post these documents on the students' online account.

Last night, I happened to - or, as Bokonon would say, was meant to - browse around my account on UCLA while devouring Jack Nicholson's performance as Joker in the 1989 hit Batman, and that's how the Grinch stole the Christmas.

P.S. I am proud of myself for three accurate citations in this post.

There's One Born Every Minute

2007-06-30T10:47:00.000-05:00

Three items of interest in the past few days:

1. I went to the bank, opened up a student checking account, got a debit card, and, horror of horrors, got a credit card as well.

I know what you're thinking:
"Well, I guess that just about does it for poor Max. I'm sure he's already a few thousand in debt, getting deeper every day. Oh why oh why did he have to apply for that god-damned unholy devil credit card? Why Lord, why? Don't call him Peter, 'cause he can't go, he sold his soul to the company sto'."

Amazingly, I am not fiscally insolvent....yet. Believe it or not, I did not apply for this credit card so I could go on wild shopping sprees, then either A) declare bankruptcy or B) fake my own death and assume a new identity as a deckhand on a Canadian fishing boat.

In fact, pretty much the only reason I got this credit card was the John Blong theory on credit cards: responsible credit card use at a young age is the key to getting a good credit rating, which is in turn the key to getting low interest rates on things like home and auto loans in the future, which is in turn the key to universal happiness. I'm not sure if I buy the last step, but I really do think that having a credit card, using it once a month, and promptly paying off the entire balance is a good idea for most young people.

That said, everyone should sock away a few hundred dollars now so you can bail me out when I need some cash to get out of the country.

2. I am weighing my laptop options at this very moment. As of right now, the $1200 MacBook is the frontrunner. It costs about $400 more (with a RAM upgrade) than the technically equivalent PC option, but Apple is offering a $100 student discount, and a $100 printer rebate, and a $200 iPod rebate, so that pretty much wipes out the price difference. Most PC laptop owners do nothing but bitch about their computers, while most MacBook owners gush about their computers at every opportunity. So, as I said, all signs are point to Apple at the moment. Feel free to encourage/dissuade me as you see fit.

3. I volunteered at Battle of the Bands for my fourth and final time yesterday, and I have to say: best one yet. As a volunteer, I got in free and got a couple of free brats and a t-shirt, but thankfully, due to the superabundance of younger/more enthusiastic volunteers (i.e. bigger suckers) than myself , I was spared the onerus burden of having to actually, you know, "volunteer" or whatever.

I ran into three people unexpectedly, which is always nice: Tirth Patel, Pammy Ronnei, and Ali Jones. Tirth was volunteering, Pammy, with Brittany and Serena, was spectating (for about 9 minutes), and Ali was there performing, on cello, with Jesse Keller and his Toolbox. Honestly, you couldn't really hear much of the cello at all; I think it was mostly for show. They might as well have had a juggler and a sword swallower and a chimp up on stage.

On a slightly more humerous note, I managed to throw out my right shoulder while playing Frisbee. I just winged the thing too hard, and my shoulder kind of rolled and popped, and I wasn't gonna be playing no more Frisbee that evening. On the plus side, the Frisbee did go pretty far.

Jackson Bollocks

2007-06-29T00:19:00.000-05:00

I'd like to go camping with some
fellow Northwestern freshmen before we start classes,
so I figured I'd sign up for Project
 Wildcat, an NU program which provides just such a service.
When I went to the website, however, I discovered
that I could not simply sign up and be done with it
--I had to fill out an application.
Oh, the injustice.

I'm not to worried though. With answers like these,
how could they refuse me?


[Q] What ingredient would you be in a sandwich and why?

[A] I would be smoked turkey, because I'm lean, pink,
and composed almost entirely of carbon.


[Q] What is your favorite joke?

[A] Q: What do worms eat before dinner? A: h'ordirts


[Q] Describe your favorite place in the world.

[A] My favorite place in the world is my home.
It's big and old and creaky, full of history and
bats.
My family also lives there, which, for me at least,
is another major benefit.
 It has a
central location...in my heart.


P.S.: As far as I can remember, I totally
made that worms joke up when I was in like 3rd grade.

are you reelin' in the years?

2007-06-27T14:44:00.001-05:00

i woke up at 11 this morning.

then i decided i needed to mow the lawn.

alas, i went to put gas in the mower...but i didn't have any gas. so i had to drive a painful 1.6 miles to the nearest superamerica to put all of 1.667 gallons of gas in the can. cost: an even $5. i'm good at what i do.

i went in to pay for this liquid gold...when lo and behold...a young jason houle was staring back at me. what a pleasant surprise.

after mowing the lawn i realized something: i could care less about this upcoming grad party. (shameless plug: saturday, my house, 1-5. anyone/everyone welcome) basically...my sister has planned out all of it. i will just be standing in my garage greeting/being friendly/not caring and everyone around me will probably ask one of three questions. "where are you going next year?" "what are you going to major in?" "are you excited?"

i've already rehearsed my elaborately detailed answers:

"the U."
"not sure."
"yup."

one last tid-bit: i still kind of want to shave my head. but...everyone around me has begged to keep the curls. so i'm thinknig of compromising: i'll shave half of my head.

with that, i would like to remind everyone that tonight is the drawing for the powerball. 103 million dollars...if you haven't purchased a ticket...you should! for those of you fools who mock me...keep in mind...if i win, i'll gladly pay for your entire college education.

mustache out!

High Definition Semantics

2007-06-25T18:20:00.000-05:00

I was vacuuming in my house today, when my productive mind churned up a very brilliant idea: how great would it be if, instead of the standardized dictionary(a historic document epitomizing humankind's finest achievements), we had a pictionary?

Instead of defining a word by employing a bunch of more words, this dictionary would define words by using pictures.The potential benefits from this miraculous invention are endless.Most importantly, this important tool will serve all of humanity by succesfully qualifying the long-standing(but unverified)claim that a picture is
"worth a thousand words".
Anyway, here are a few definitions that would find a place in this innovation:

Arrogance:

Recreation:

Toy:

Genius:

DrunkGenius:

Nobel prize winning American author Ernest Hemingway,a drinker of epic proportions

And finally, here is a word taken right from this venerable blog's title.

Manly:

And as an early warning to the unimaginative goons who might try to pilfer this gem of an innovation, I am backed by two immutable forces of the Universe:

1) The U.S. Patent and Trademark office

AND

2) Attorney Steve Lastovich, frequently seen on local T.V. commercials

P.S. Curiously enough, the word 'glad' rhymes with 'vlad' (as in Count Vlad the third, otherwise known as Vlad the impaler, the glorious inspiration behind Bram Stoker's chilling novel, Dracula)

Take This Job And Love It

2007-06-24T21:02:00.001-05:00

I know it's been a while since I rapped to ya, but the shits been raining down hard and I don't have a shit shovel big enough to shovel it all away. Most of my creative energies have been funnled into Gumshoe, the magazine Josh and Sam and Jason and John and David and I are running these days. You should CHECK IT OUT.

Work was kind of a mixed bag today. Allow me to summarize.

Cons: I got bitched out for failing to do some things I was never told to do, then I had to stay for an extra two hours, apparently out of spite.

Pros: I had a couple of sweet tables. I'm having a hard time deciding which one was better.

Table 1: A family of six, mom, dad, and four sons. They were from Lousiana, as I found out when they volunteered the information about 3 seconds after I said "Hello." They all had sweet southern accents, so I kind of accidentally fell into doing a little twang as well ("Dya want cream and suga with that?").

The kids all called me "Sir." The dad (a 300 pound man in a football jersey) alternated between chuckling at the kids' antics and offering up interesting Lousiana factoids ("You know how people from Michigan always hold up their hand and say [he points to his hand] 'We're from about here'? Well, people from Lousiana use their foot!") The mom alternated between threatening punishment and telling the kids to eat their bacon.

This family LOVED their bacon. One of the little boys sat down and said "I am gonna eat SO MUCH bacon!" in a big southern way. Everybody got a side of bacon, even the 2-year-old. One kid got an omlette with just bacon in it, with a side of bacon. The 2-year-old was chowing down on the bacon, so the mom asked me "He just loves it! Is this sugar-cured bacon?". I checked for her, and it totally was. Lady knew her bacon.

Table 2: A family of five, grandparents with a teen girl and twin 10 year old boys. The granny was picky, but the grandpa was cool, and kind of crazy and hunchbacked. All three of the kids said "Thank you" every 15 seconds whenever I was in earshot, regardless of what I was doing.

The little boys sat there and talked as loud and as fast as they could about interesting things, like why Earth spins, and how the moon was formed, and how Microsoft Vista is going to be a huge failure ("There's going to be piles of Vista in the streets, Grandma!"). I wanted to sit down and rap about astronomy with 'em.

Proton

2007-06-17T16:53:00.000-05:00

I met Jordan Stitch at Megan Saley's grad party.
He said, "You should post something on the mustache blog"

Since I have nothing else to do right now, I decided to talk about Pizza
Now as you all know, pizza is an integral component of a stable and successful college life. Indeed, some reports (unverified and unscientific but nonetheless very practical)have reached my ears that pizza is synonymous with survival in college. And besides, the manly mustaches are already associated with bread. Why not further this infatuation?

I work at a pizza place (Rafferty's on washington st. They have the best pizza in town) so I thought this is a good opportunity to educate my fellow comrades about the essentials of pizza making.

So here are the steps (which, unfortunately, are not punctuated by fancy-looking diagrams):

1) Pre-made dough is immersed in lots and lots of flour. This flour-dough complex is then passed repeatedly through a fairly complicated (and ominous) machine called "the dough squisher". The end product of this very scientific procedure is a nice and flat and smooth and round tortilla-like pizza base. By the way, this process is technically called "sheeting out".

2) Take a ladle of sauce and lather up the base generously. Add ample amounts of cheese (for us it is mozzarella, cheddar in scripted amounts. e.g. for a large pizza, the amount of mozzarella should not exceed 10 oz. (+ or - .00003 oz.)

3) Garnish the pizza with appropriate toppings.

4) Shove the sauce-cheese-toppings complex in the oven. (Take extra care not to burn your hands)

5) After five minutes, take the pizza out. (Not with bare hands, of course)

6) Cut it into professional slices, and presto! You have a nice, delicious pizza.

a freshly baked, steaming pizza

Now I am aware that I left some vital stuff out. Like, I never talked about how to make the dough, how to acquire the required toppings, and most of all, how to cook the sauce.
But you must understand is, this is all copyrighted information stored securely in the hallowed vaults of a nondescript bank in Zurich, Switzerland, and I, a lowly part-time crew member, do not have access to this vault.

So I have a better suggestion: why not come down to the place and order some pizza?
It'll save you a lot of your precious time, giving you leverage to check out the stock prices before the closing bell.

P.S. The label is for you Max

Just A "B" And An "E" Away From A Cool $300

2007-06-16T13:49:00.000-05:00

Dear Andrew Kubas:

Please to explain if I won something on this lotto ticket you so thoughtfully gave me at my grad party? I have two words (AUNT and COURT) for sure, but I'm uncertain about the status of the word in the lower left (C$IN).

Are the $ free spaces? If that's the case, then I'm thinking that I may not have only won back the three hard earned dollars you invested in this magnificent gift, but also gained two more such sums, for a grand total of $9, as my $3 prize would be tripled due to the presence of the $ in one of my completed words.

Am I reading this correctly?

P.S.: Prompted by a prepoderance of influences ($50 in soon-to-be-forgotten Target gift cards from my grad party, a sale at Target, and boredom), I bit the bullet and purchased Mario Party 8 for the Wiiiiiiiii. It is pretty good times. I need a couple more Wii-motes, though, to get the full benefits.

P.P.S.: I worked breakfast this morning at the LoLodge. At one point, as I carried an armload of dirty dishes back to the kitchen, an old woman observed my belabored condition and chuckled "heh heh heh got a match?"

And I did NOT say "Yeah, my ass and your face."

I deserve a raise.

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

2007-06-15T01:24:00.000-05:00

This summer has so far been going fast, though nowhere near as fast as it should be. I want to start the next leg of my life. College seems like a whole other journey that will be very very enjoyable. However having to work day after day definitely dampens your spirit and is starting to make me have have a case of the monday's. ("I think I might just come up shooting")
Is there anyway to get rid of these blues?

On a rather odd side note, I just saw Mr. Brooks. It was a decent flick and I would suggest going to see it.

tears in my eyes

2007-06-12T23:31:00.000-05:00

well. that was interesting.

let me say: i have had literally no involvement in my grad party planning. and, honestly, i couldn't be happier.

so now that my sister has purchased all of the decorations/plates/food/tent/anything and i'm sure she has chosen very feminine colors...anyone reading this who is among the mustache faithful...you are more than welcome to attend my grad party.

june 30th. 1:00-5:00. my house.

if you are feeling very generous: i enjoy scratch games. oh...and i need new shoes. (that is perhaps the biggest understatement on this blog. maybe i'll post pictures later.)

mustache out!

shameless plug.

2007-06-11T01:22:00.001-05:00

sooo...i was kind of roped into becoming a member of a fly-by-night band.

yeah, we don't really know what we're doing, but the support (so far) has been extensive.

we recorded 4 tracks.....right now we only have lyrics to one of them...but we should have all four completed during this week.

(afterwards i will be away as will koreann...but after that we will get back to making fresh music)

we would love you to check us out:

http://www.myspace.com/thelorenthompsonexperience

also:

http://hs.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2414534618&ref=nf

here's to listening!

mustache out!

Puppy+Update=Pupdate

2007-06-10T10:44:00.000-05:00

Misadventues in pug breeding continued at the Kuehn household this week.

Poppy and her hapless suitor, Louis, had their third date in 5 days yesterday, and they have yet to connect, emotionally or otherwise. Louis (or Ludwig Von Tailchaser, as it says on his AKC papers) is a handsome, affectionate, affable fellow, very similar to Vegas (or Vegas Lucky 7), the sire we had such luck with the past two times. Vegas, however, had years of experience in the stud-for-hire field, while Louis, at only 10 months old, lacks such first-hand knowledge.

Poppy, after kicking Louis's ass for 6 hours the first day (the "getting to know you" period), was willing, but Louis just....couldn't....quite....figure it out. They've got one more date today, and if it doesn't work out we may be forced to move on to Rocky

Many people have asked why we don't simply breed Poppy and Otto, or simlpy assume that Otto is the father. Otto is neutered, for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, while Otto is a terrific dog in almost every respect, he is a complete failure by pug physical standards. He's leggy and lank, not "decidedly square and cobby." His eyes are prone to injury and bad, even by pug standards. He has an oddly bulging sternum and a loosely curled tail (if he curls it at all.) Otto is a great companion, but he's just not cut out to be a stud.

Secondly, un-neutered males tend to be very annoying and it's a real hassle to have one wandering around the house. Ladies, insert the joke of your choice here.

P.S.: Remeber this game, Red Steel, that I was so excited about? Well, I rented it for the irresistibly low price of $2 for a week, and I've gotta say: disappointing. Is it really that hard to make a realistic, responsive sword fighting mechanic for a video game?

Oh well. Maybe next time.

All Things Dull And Ugly

2007-06-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

I'm a pretty big fan of the show Heroes, a well-produced NBC drama about people who suddenly discover that they have supernormal abilities. They have some of your run-of-the-mill superpowers (superstrength, flight, telepathy), along with some more unique talents (radioactivity, absorbing the powers of others, stopping time.) It's kind of like X-Men without all the angst and no Wolverine.

Anyways, the reason I'm posting is because I got to thinking: there's no need for magic or even imagination for some really sweet abilities to exist--they're right in your own backyard! Well, on Earth, at least.

I never took A.P. Biology in high school, but I did read an assload of Ranger Rick as a kid. I learned two things from that raccoon in a hat: recycling will solve all the world's problems, and animals can do some cool things. With that in mind, I proudly present--

Animal Superpowers I Wish I Had

Photosynthesis--While I'd still like to be able to eat, I think that being able to skip meals and just sit in the sun instead would be very satisfying.

Echolocation--As the Animorphs learned in one of their many adventures, it's the only way to find your way through a darkened room filled with light-sensitive alarms and hundreds of trip wires.

Bioluminescence--Not all that useful, but still neat. Also, think of all the money I'd save on flashlight batteries. All out of juice on the ol' maglite? Well, why don't I light our path WITH THE PALM OF MY HAND.

Whale song--Whales can communicate over hundreds of miles of ocean with ultra-low frequency messages. I'd like to be able to stick my head into the sea and yell at some scuba divers off the coast of Italy.

Prehensile feet--No brainer. I can see myself now...calmly reading reports, wearing a suit and a tie, calling for coffee...all while hanging from my office ceiling by my toes.

Electric charge--Stacks of chemicals within the bodies of electric eels and other creatures act as batteries, building up charge which they use to stun or kill prey. I would use it for shocking handshakes.

Super-navigation--According to some scientists, migratory birds, homing pigeons, and lost dogs may find their way around based on the earth's magnetic field. It's like having GPS in your head!

What I'm saying is: magic is all around you. Go out and discover it!

grow it...grow it good.

2007-06-06T23:18:00.001-05:00

ladies and gentlemen, i write to you this evening because i need your voice.

earlier this month i made a deal/bet with my father:

from june 1st-june 30th, he was going to grow a mustache. if he did so, on july 1, i was going to shave my head.

well, i woke up this morning....and my father had a clean shaven face.

SHAME ON YOU, JEFF KUBAS!

so...the question remains: should i shave my head?

last year the theme was, "the fro has got to go!" this year...i'm not so sure. please, let me know your opinions.

many mustache blessings.

Be True To Your School

2007-06-04T13:33:00.000-05:00

Quick Hits:

1. Poppy (the pug) is in heat and we plan to breed her later this week. Ideally, this will lead to some puppies in early August. Josh asked me if I could name the fattest puglet Pork Chop. I think I can swing that. Other puppy names?

2. I am scheduled for precisely zero hours of work this next week. This may prove problematic. I guess I'll try to make the best of a bad situation and spend some time driving around aimlessly, listening to the Beach Boys.

3. I'm actually kind of looking forward to my grad party. It should be fun to see family friends and relatives, and I think I can handle smiling, gladhanding, and answering the same 6 questions for 3 hours. I wish I could say the same for Sam Walker.

4. I'm posting this on a brief break from the Great Pre-Grad Party Cleaning of Ought-Seven. I've been washing windows and mini-blinds for the better part of 4 hours now. I'd be getting it done quicker, but these damn pugs are weighing me down.

Seriously, I wonder if the Chinese developed the pug as an economic weapon. It's so elegant: they export the pugs to their competitors, who experience precipitous drops in productivity when their populace turns its attentions away from work and towards their pugs. And who's there to step in to fill to pug-induced shortfall? That's right, those pug-developing Chinese.

Really, this could be a national security concern. If we're devoting all of our time and resources to caring for pugs, how can we properly prepare to defend ourselves? By importing more and more pugs, I fear we've moved from A to B on our guns vs. pugs production possibilities curve.

Man, this should be a T-shirt. Pug-loving peace enthusiasts would be all about it.

Slip 'n Slide

2007-05-30T20:12:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize this made it onto YouTube. Most of the seniors have probably already seen this, but it's still pretty sweet.

P.S. Turn down sound before watching.

N=R* x fp x ne x fl x fi x fc x L

2007-05-29T20:15:00.000-05:00

After a successful Lowell reunion party, including a 5-A-Day Live presentation, rousing games of kickball and check, seeing Valarie Niager (sp?) for the first time in about 5 years, and having my second ice cream cake of the day, I am understandably tired. However, I believe I have enough energy in these old sausage fingers of mine to bring you up to date on some pressing matters.

First: I will not be speaking at graduation. My sources tell me that it came down to myself and Sara Swenson, and Ms. Swenson was selected on the grounds that she spoke louder at the audition. Also, the students might have enjoyed my speech too much.

But seriously folks, I wish Ms. Swenson all the best. Honestly, I'm glad that I can just look forward to sitting around and being entertained at graduation. I think I'll bring some enormous beachballs.

Second: You can always tell when you've done a good job in filling out a survey for the Brainerd Daily Disgrace when Jason Houle, approaching you for the first time since the article has been published, greets you by yelling "You're such a tremendous douchebag!"

Here is the important part of the article:

Maxwell Kuehn

Class rank: No. 2.

Vital statistics: He is 18 and was born and raised in Brainerd. He currently lives in northwest Brainerd. His parents are Martha and Carter Kuehn. His sister, Maya, 21, is a senior at Northwestern University.

Activities: Tennis, basketball, playing Illuminati, reading comics and failing to use parallel construction.

Part-time work: Waiting tables at Lost Lake Lodge.

For relaxation: Calculus

Future plans: Attend Northwestern University, major in art history.

Most memorable high school moment: "This one time I saw Mr. Hewitt lift a car over his head."

Words to live by: "I work without a net, dangling precariously on the edge of genius and insanity, glory and despair, acceptance and rejection." - Tay Stevenson

Steve Kohls took that gem of a photo. Mad props to Mrs. Lundgren for providing me with the lab coat and a variety of sciency curios and gew-gaws.

Third: I signed up for my Freshman Seminar things today. I think I'll probably end up in the Kaplan Humanities Scholars Program thing, exploring notions of the Good Society and whatnot. In addition to that, I plan to take a German class, some Intro to Psych thing, and a bitchin' looking course called Intro to Astrobiology.

Awww yeah, astrobiology. Good times.

Somewhere In That Ancient Crappy Trinity

2007-05-27T15:26:00.000-05:00

Some say 3 is the magic number. I say it's a pretty shitty number. Consider the following:

-There are currently three enormous movies out.
-They are each the third in their respective series
-They are each taking up three movie screens at Movies 10

The number 3 has conspired to push Hot Fuzz out of Brainerd, and indeed, the entire state of Minnesota, if Yahoo Movies is to be trusted.

Sorry, Simon. Not even you can stop Shrek.

I guess Disturbia is taking up the tenth screen, so it deserves some of the blame. Very well: Fuck you, Disturbia.

By the way, it says "balls" on your forehead.

2007-05-27T11:03:00.000-05:00

I have been wanting to write something on the blog for quite sometime, and still I have nothing worthwhile to say. It seems I was born into this world with knowledge and imagination, but with a complete lack of writing skills. (as seen in that last statement) So I sit here thinking about what to write and *blinking light* an idea hits me. Instead of writing something meaningful, write something where the reader feels like he just lost 5 minutes of his life. Here we go:

Yesterday was my first day at Boardwalk. It was a decent job, I got to deliver pizzas for an hour or so and washed dishes for the next four hours. Hopefully I get to start making pizzas soon, that looks like kind of a fun job. Of course that is the same thing I thought about the movie theater and boy was I wrong. Recieve order, fill order, make change, send customer to watch one of the crappy mainstream movies, rinse, repeat. Only if the world was full of people who would not listen to movie commercials that say one of the many,"This movie is the next (fill in any classic movie). It makes (fill in any good, recent movie) look like a walk in the park." Oh well I can't change the world. Sill though people WATCH HOT FUZZ!

Finally I was watching Garden State yesterday again and couldn't stop laughing at this:

Grad Party June 10th: Clear Your Calenders

2007-05-20T20:51:00.000-05:00

Well it's late May of my senior year of high school, which means I'm contracturally obligated to Reflect On Days Gone By. Here we go:

I will miss many things about Brainerd High School. I will miss passing Alan Hewitt in the hall and being completely ignored. I will miss all of the terrific shirts, such as Scott Pagel's "Oh Crap...I'm 50" shirt. I will miss jazz band. And Ron Gilbertson...well, I think I'll miss him most of all.

I believe A.P. Physics has surpassed A.P. U.S. History as my second favorite all-time class, and some days it vies with A.P. Art History for supremacy.

Now, A.P. Physics was not exactly your typical A.P. class. We weren't exactly "busy as beavers." We didn't really have our "noses to the grindstone." Our studies weren't precisely "exhaustive." But I learned a ridiculous amount about a very interesting subject, and I'm cautiously optimistic about maybe getting a 4, so I didn't mind what some COUGH*TIRTH PATEL*COUGH might have considered to be a lack of academic rigor.

The main attraction of this class was not the actual course material (it was unusual if we got to more than about 25 minutes of physics a day); it was the man running the show. Ronald Gilbertson is basically the Jay Gatsby of high school teachers--he's the Platonic conception I imagine other teachers have of themselves: eating apples from his personal mini-fridge, passing out "Diner Lingo" worksheets, doing Geroge Carlin stand up.

The only difference is, with Gilby you don't get the sense that there's some boring square lurking beneath the layers of quirks. All evidence points to the fact that Gilby is Gilby 24-7, even when nobody's watching. Example: Sam and I went up to ask Gilbertson something during his open hour, and when we walked in he was standing three feet from the television, arms crossed, watching a soap opera. He turned towards us after a moment, got us what we needed, bid us farewell, and went back to his stories.

Gilbertson is like an excellent character in a long-running sitcom: he's well-developed (just like a real person!), yet flexible enough that he can keep coming up with new bits and revealing new traits that add to his personality without contradicting anything that came before. Just today, I thought up a few new quirks Gilby could whip out in the last couple of weeks:

1. Close class by saying "See you tomorrow kids. Same Bat time, same Bat channel."
2. Wear a spinning bow tie.
3. Put a duct tape cross on the floor in the front of the room, walk across the room, stop and turn on the cross, and say "Found my mark."

I would be especially pleased if that last one came to pass.

P.S.: I'm not saying that Ron Gilbertson is better than Stu Lade. He's just different.
P.P.S.: Please feel free to add your own favorite Gilby memory to the comment thread.

Contract This

2007-05-16T22:50:00.000-05:00

Bittersweet news today guys.

The Lincoln is totally dead--the Mobil guys couldn't get it to turn over, so they drained the oil, which the discovered was full of shaved off bits of metal. Not an overly good sign. The next step would be to rip out the whole engine (for $200) and discover a much more expensive problem underneath.

So, it is with a heavy heart that I will soon commit the Lincoln's earthly remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which it loved so well...seriously though, it's getting towed to the junkyard in the next couple of days, after I go down with a paper bag and pull out my meager belongings.

Good-bye, Lincoln. You drank a lot of gas, but you were a good car. We hardly knew ye.

1989-2007; R.I.P.

Now, speaking of hardly knowing ye, onto the moderately shocking revelation from my father this morning. The Lincoln's original owner, the man who bought it new and drove it until he traded it in and my grandma purchased it, was none other than former used car dealer and current commisioner of Major League Baseball, Bud Selig:

Allan Huber "Bud" Selig, Jr.; Commisioner of MLB, 1998-Present

Yep, that Bud Selig. Fucked up, eh?

As I said, this shit is bittersweet. It's awesome that the Lincoln had some genuine high class credentials and connections to the proffesional sports world, but now that the Lincoln is dead, I won't be able to brag as effectively about it.

Life is tough.

Seen And Not Seen

2007-05-15T22:09:00.000-05:00

Had a rather surreal tennis match today.

We were at Tech, in their secondary facility, near some shitty middle school. Sounds mild-mannered, I know, but trust me: things were rather eerie up in there.

First of all, the wind was blowing a steady 25 mph, gusting to about 35 or so, and the middle school building is either A: haunted or B: specially designed to funnel any wind into a haunting wail.

The wind also served to carry a mysterious hammering sound from the nearby basesball complex. Thanks to the ridiculous 12 foot granite wall surrounding said complex, I was forced to walk a short ways to get a view of what was going on: a stone structure was being demolished by an enormous excavator with some sort of jackhammer attachement on the end of its arm. It was very cool. I stood there and watched it for about 30 seconds while it hammered away and dust swirled about it.

Finally, the tennis courts also abutted the local fire department, which, for some reason, apparently has its communication system wired to an outdoor loudspeaker. So as we played we got to hear some dispatchers talking about sending out trucks and calling in squad cars.

Oh, and I won my match; talk about surreal.

(Yes, I had planned out that line before I played. If I would have lost I would have written "Well, at least one thing was normal; I lost my match.")

P.S.: I got a mysterious letter from John Ward today, congratulating me for graduating from high school. Did anybody else get one of these things?

Must Go Faster

2007-05-13T21:27:00.000-05:00

I've decided that the best way to avoid stressing about A.P. tests is to take as many of them as possible. My data indicates that there's an inverse relationship between the number of AP tests taken and the total freak-out level attained. Consider the following:

Sophomore year
Like all reasonable persons, I took on U.S. History as my sole A.P. class. I got more worked up about that class than really pretty much anything ever. If, on the eve of the test, you'd asked me if I would accept a full-ride scholarship to the college of my choice, on the condition that I would only get a 4 on the APUSH test, I would have hesitated, then turned you down.

Here's a semi-embarassing story to convince you of the magnitude of my monomania: One day, a few weeks before the test, I took a break from re-re-re-reading about the War of 1812 and the Hartford Convention (downfall of the Federalists, that ol' convention was) to watch that pitch-perfect cinematic masterpiece, Independence Day. As I watched Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum, fresh off their defeat of the alien menace, strut across the salt flats, smoking victory cigars and playfully punching each other in the arm, I seriously thought "Wow, that must be what it's like to get a 5 on the A.P. U.S. History test."

I realize this image is kinda crappy, and from an earlier part of the film, and I really identified more with Jeff Goldblum, but it was all I could find, and ideally the flightsuit and cigar should jog your memory about the part of the movie I'm talking about

The test ended up being pretty easy. In fact, I was kind of miffed that so many people got the same grade as me. I'm pretty sure I would have gotten like a 6 or a 7 if these tests were graded by people and not soulless machines.

Junior year
I took three tests, Chemistry, Art History, and Lit. I was ridiculously prepared for Chem, but that was more Lundgren's doing than my own, and Lit...well, they apparently decide Lit grades by random drawing, so there wasn't much I could do there. Really I only obsessed about Art History, and even then my fixation didn't approach its U.S. History levels.

Senior year
I have 6 tests, I've done basically no special preperation for any of them, and I'm feeling light-hearted and, as I commented earlier, sanguine. I guess I knew that there was no way I could have possibly over-prepared for these tests to the extent that I'd done so in the past, so I just took it easy. There's no way to tell until mid-July, but I think this strategy is working out pretty well so far.

P.S.: Every time I say or hear something now, I subconciously translate it into German.

P.P.S.: Work sucks. But then I suppose that's why they pay me to do it.

Tipping Is Not A City In China

2007-05-11T22:35:00.000-05:00

Alright, it's been a while since I rapped to ya, and what with my coal-miner-like work schedule and pile of homework/studying to do, it'll probably be a healthy spell before I get back and spill again. BUT I think today's experience warrents staying up a few more minutes.

So I was driving the trusty ol' Lincoln to work this afternoon, listening to my Power Loon driving mixtape (it's like the greatests songs the Power Loon would ever play, back to back to back). When I stopped at the Wise Road, getting ready to turn right onto 371, I noticed my car was vibrating; not enough to shake me around, but enough to get my mirrors really shaking. I thought little of it, but when I tried to accerlate out onto the highway, I ended up drifting off to the side of the road instead. The mighty Lincoln was dead.

With my mom on a long walk and my dad running errands, I knew that the parentals were not going to be my speediest option for a ride to work. So, I called my grandma up and described my predicament. Being a good grandma, she set out to pick me up.

Normally I would have been proud of myself for being so resourceful. This afternoon, however, Fortuna decided to screw around with me a little bit. Moments after I got off the phone with my grandma, a co-worker happened to stop, waiting to turn right onto 371, and asked if I needed a ride.

Now, my grandma is a good grandma, and I love her very much, but while I wouldn't call her a technophobe, she doesn't exactly have a subscription to Wired; nor, for that matter, does she own a cell phone. Therefore, I couldn't exactly accept another ride--my grandma would come eventually, see the abandoned Lincoln and no beloved grandson, and before you'd know it we'd have an Amber Alert on our hands. In seeking to free myself from my broken down car, I'd effectively anchored myself to it. Oh, sweet irony. I politely turned her down.

That would have been bad enough. But I got to turn down not one, but TWO more ride offers in the 20 minutes it took my grandma to arrive (she'd ended up on the wrong side of the highway; to be fair, my directions had been pretty vague.): One from Megan Saley's mom Char, a former co-worker, and another from a nattily attired Stuart Lade, dressed in his Sunday best, headed for a wedding in his olive green Saab.

Fuckin' ridiculous.

heir to the throne.

2007-05-11T16:46:00.000-05:00

i'm not really sure if we're allowed to discuss this.

but the next in line to take over paul melby:

rich berggren...the director at eden prairie.

i love this choice for the BHS music department. not only did we find someone with experience (13 years worth) but eden prairie has long been one of the better bands in the twin cities area. i think everyone should be pretty stoked/in good hands next year.

i know this post pertains to a very small faction of the mustache faithful, but it's decent-sized news.

mustache out!

ps: line of the day (yesterday)

mr. barnett: (referring to the movie) "when the lights go out, the learning comes on."
rachel lindman: (innocent rachel!) "that's what SHE said."

it boggles the mind.

2007-05-09T22:10:00.000-05:00

so i just finished watching lost. (but that's not the point.) and i decided to check my e-mail quickly before i went to bed.

and...the screen read, "you have 12 new messages."

now i was expecting one or two new ones, but twelve? this seemed out of the ordinary.

so i went to my inbox.

nothing.

after looking high and low for these elusive e-mails, i realized that i had more than one page of e-mails to go through. so i went to look at the very last page.

and sitting--at the bottom of the screen--were 12 e-mails ranging in dates from august 10th to august 30th, 2002.

2002. as in...almost 5 years ago.

a few of them were from my grandmother pre-alzheimers. some were from old walker friends. some from people i forgot even existed. ...and all of them were from 2002.

i don't know what to make of this.

mustache out.

ps. i will be at school tomorrow.

Ear Status: Lowered

2007-05-08T22:29:00.000-05:00

I got a haircut today...in fact, I got 'em ALL cut.

Last time around I just buzzed it down and let the magic of hair growth do the rest. In the here and now, however, with charm-based work as a waiter rapidly approaching, I needed to get to the hygenic-yet-stylish micro-fro right away, without the intermediate skinhead/snakehandler buzz-cut look. My solution? I brought in a grad picture to Cost Cutters, got lucky and snagged the bustling managerial-looking veteran stylist, and got a passable trim. It does resemble my hair in my grad photos, as exemplified by this inspirational image:

Man, would you look at the ivory column of a neck?

Ideally, this coiffure should be short enough to avoid any health code violations, yet long enough to get the mad tipz from the old women who say "I would KILL for hair like that!"

P.S.: Green Day is an okay band.

P.P.S.: Mr. Kubas, look at this photo. Look at the lost young man to your left. Look at the then chipper, nowadays downcast young woman on your left.

From left to right: Koreann Martin, a taxidermied bohemian, Max Kuehn

Come back to us, Kubassi. How ya gonna turn down a face like that?

nothing quite like it.

2007-05-08T20:05:00.000-05:00

i'm assuming that most of you know, but there are probably a few who have not heard yet,

but i have mono.

so i've been stuck at home for the last 2 weeks or so. and let me say: it is insanely boring.

so today i really looked forward to getting out of the house and taking some lovely ap tests.

morning test: ap spanish. this test was originally meant to go from 8:00-11:30, nothing too difficult. but...once we entered the language lab and tried to record ourselves we ran into a number of fun problems. by the time we got out of the room it was 1:00. keep in mind, i was supposed to take a stats test starting at noon. i'm pretty sure i dominated the spanish exam...it was really easy and the essay/speaking section (which are probably the two toughest parts) were both in easy tenses, so it really involved no thinking at all.

after a very quick lunch, good ol' DJ (mr. doug johnson) decided to stay and give the three kids in both ap spanish and stats the statistics test at washington. (what a gentleman) so...we started at about 1:15 and got out of washington at around 4:50. fun. (we were originally supposed to get done at about 3:00) now, i know what past ap stats kids have said..."it's the easiest AP test!" well, i don't exactly know what it was this year...but stats was insane. the multiple choice was ungodly easy...but the open ended questions were just crazy. when we got finished with our break, the other group (the kids who were testing on time) finished their tests and all talked about how difficult the test was. and then we opened our packets...and i had to agree. i'm not blaming mr. pelkey--i think he prepared us well--but no one was really ready for that stuff.

i don't know if i'm technically "allowed" to talk about this, but i don't care. i have mono. this was the most excitement i've had in weeks.

tomorrow: i'm mowing the lawn!!

i'll see those of you (at BHS) on monday.

mustache out!

Neither Short Nor Sweet

2007-05-06T23:31:00.000-05:00

How I Am Feeling About My A.P. Tests Right Now

econ>lang>>calc>german>>working as a waiter at lost lake lodge this summer*>>physics

KEY:
>=feeling more confident about than (i.e. pacman eats the test I'm feeling better about)
*included for scale

Captain Corelli's Mandolin

2007-05-05T19:24:00.000-05:00

Three items today (Item 1 may be a little slow, but stick around for items 2 and 3!):

1. Although tennis has not been terribly succesful (at least in terms of the actual sport of tennis) this year, I'd say I'm doing pretty well at the two parts of the tennis team that I consider to be the most important: the movie game and gatorball.

The movie game is the activity of choice in the back of the bus while traveling to and from away meets. The first person names a movie (example: Pulp Fiction), the next person names an actor from that movie (Steve Buscemi), the third person names another movie with that actor (Fargo), and so on, until a participant is unable to think of another movie with an actor/another actor in a movie. They may then challenge. If the previous player is unable to name another actor in the movie they named/movie with the actor they named, the challenger picks a new film and the game continues. If the challenged player comes up with another actor/movie, however (William H. Macy), then the challenger is out of the game.

It is a fun game, and I tend to be pretty good at it, if for no other reason than I seem to have the requisite knowledge of action movies necessary to hang with the teenage boy crowd, plus a slightly more obscure set of movies I can bring up to knock people out (mostly Cohen Bros. and killers like "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues"). In other venues I'm not so successful--when I tried playing this with my parents and aunt before I got completely destroyed--but I was 4 for 4 on the bus ride home.

Gatorball is an enjoyable, made-for-phys-ed sort of game, played with the eponymous spheroid--a ball filled with a foam heavy enough to allow for long throws, yet light enough so that getting whaled in the face doesn't hurt too much. I don't wanna into the dirty details, so let's just say that it's a far more athletic activity than actually playing tennis, and now that Messers Houle, Holbrook, Smith, and Valesano have departed, I'm one of the better players.

2. So the AP news service has been asking the leading presidential candidates some personal questions lately. The last one was What is your "favorite fitness activity?" and, not that I'm racist or sexist or classist or anything, but I found the responses rather amusing:

Delaware Sen. Joe Biden: Weightlifting

New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton: Speed walking

Illinois Sen. Barack Obama: Basketball

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson: Horseback riding and tennis

Now Joe, Hillary, and Barack I can understand here. They all did their best to use this question as an opportunity to emphasize the traits they want to make more prominent: everymanness (to coin an excellent word), womanliness, and blackness, respectively. But what is Bill thinking? "Horseback riding and tennis"? Is he trying to emphasize his wealth and priviledge in the hopes that the American people will recognize him as their superior and vote for him out of deference? In any case, I've concluded that the candidates did not go far enough in their responses. My reccomendations:

Delaware Sen. Joe Biden: Punching out cattle, resurfacing pick-up truck beds

New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton: Cooking, cleaning, nagging

Illinois Sen. Barack Obama: Running from police

New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson: Touring the grounds on a jewel-encrusted litter carried by a team of manservants

You're welcome, Mr/s. Future President.

3. I'm thinking I'm gonna cut all my hair off one of these days. Probably a buzz cut, for simplicity's sake. The big hair has become a burden once again, the weather's getting warmer, and I have a feeling Lost Lake Lodge might not be thrilled about a waiter having an out-there afro. Although I suppose I could go for the "Rugged and Unorthodox"-type waiter: stubble, unkempt hair, tight t-shirts, opening up bottles of wine with a bowie knife and my teeth. People like that, right?

Oooooor I could go for the clean-cut fella with the buzz cut and an irritating perchant for answering any rhetorical scientific queries his customers happen to pose to one another and correcting any economic fallacies they happen to make in conversation. Oh man, I can barely wait to hear some asshole complaining about the national debt, so I can pwn him, then get a 9% tip. Awwww yeah.

P.S.: Spiderman 3--fewer musical numbers, more Bruce Campbell, please.

I'm In Your Cave, Killing Your Bears

2007-05-02T21:49:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't heard, there was a false alarm about a school shooter at CLC a few days ago. Since my mom works at CLC, we here at the Kuehn household were a little more closely involved than others: My father recieved an unnerving automated phone call and my mom got to watch the fallout firsthand.

Really the best thing to come out of this whole experience has been this photo of Terry Fairbanks, a teacher in CLC Law Enforcement, walking through the halls with a GODDAMNED M-16. What a dumbass.

I tried a little HILARIOUS photo editing, and of course Paint didn't let me down:In spite of that second image's uncanny awsomeness, I think this picture could be made even more hilarious by a more discerning eye than my own.

For now, I will settle for a CAPTION CONTEST!!!!!

My favorite one so far is "I'm scaring up students for the law enforcement program!"

Whaddya got?

calling all mustaches.

2007-05-01T19:27:00.000-05:00

umm...

i am in need of a red tie similar to the giant oval surrounding janet reno.

the picture has a bit of a shadow on it, so a few shades lighter would be ideal.

i am looking to either borrow and/or purchase this tie. i am rich.

or, if you would prefer, any suggestions as to where i can buy a tie of this color would be greatly appreciated.

keep in mind i have tried all of the local shops/stores/merchants and have found no success. many mustache blessings to the loyal and faithful crowd!

Hats: People Aren't Wearing Enough Of Them

2007-04-30T22:15:00.000-05:00

At 9 this morning we the seniors were uncerimoniously herded into the cafetorium for a tiresome presentation about how terrific Gradblast will be. I plan to go, pick up my diploma, eat some free food, stick myself to a velcro wall, then escape via grappling hook through the A-Commons skylight.

After the Gradblast coordinators had unsuccesfully attempted to shout out all their information over the ruckus we were causing, Megan "Current Occupant" Augustinak stepped up to the microphone and announced that because no one had signed up for the senior banquet, our senior poll results would be announced today. Sam won Always Late To Class--his gag gift was an unforgiveably girly little ring/wrist watch, but he partially made up for its lameness by pretending that by twisting it, he could use it to shatter a glass window via some sort of resonance-inducing mechanism. I, on the other hand, took home the big prize, Most Likely To Succeed, and the real hardware, a fistful of classy plastic medals, each one proclaiming me a "WINNER." Sam subsequently connected these together to form a sort of medal shash, or, as I like to think of it, a medal bandelier.

Eric "Cheshire Cat" Heise then got on the mic and explained that he's been unable to come to any sort of decision about graduation because he's an ineffectual pantywaist. He conducted a series of extremely informal polls, consisting of asking a question, making a ballpark estimate of the number of people who raised their hands, then assuming that everyone who didn't raise their hands was an ardent supporter of the opposing viewpoint, even if they were ignoring him completely.

Long story short, looks like I won't be speaking at gradiation this year. Too bad, too; I had a sweet opener all set up:

"As I look out on this sea of smiling faces, I am reminded of the conversation held between Aragorn, son of Arathorn, and Gandalf Greyhem, in the great mead-hall of Theodan, King of Rohan, during the celebration of the victory over the forces of Saruman at Helm's Deep. Gandalf wondered aloud if Frodo Baggins, the little Hobbit who carried all their hopes with him in his lonely quest for the crack of Doom, was still alive. Aragorn gripped the wizard's shoulder and asked him, "What does your heart tell you?" Gandalf saw the truth of it, and realized that Frodo, and their hopes for peace in Middle Earth, were very much alive.

You may all feel that perhaps your hopes and dreams, like those embodied by Frodo of the Nine Fingers, are in danger now, wandering alone over uncharted ground, but you must remember Aragorn's advice and ask yourself: "What does your heart tell you?" If you look deep enough within yourself, you will find that like Frodo, your dreams are not alone in their journey: they are accompanied by faithful friend and family, as Frodo was accompanied by the stalwart Samwise Gamgee, and they are guided by the watchful eye of God, just as Frodo was guided into the bowels of Mordor by the gangle creature Gollum."

Also, a closing line:

"In conclusion, may your dreams fly as high as your hats!"

Or, alternately:

"Warrior Football!
Crowd: YES
Warror Football!
Crowd: YES
One, More, TIME
Crowd: YES
(dramatic pause)
Aaaaaahhhh!
crowd: AAAAHHHH!!!"

In spite of this letdown, I've had an inexplicable bubble of happiness in my belly today. Perhaps I'm in love. Or I have a tapeworm.

P.S.: Synchornisity update: On Saturday evening, a stiff white cowboy hat was found. It's size seemed unusual enough to be remarked upon: 7 and 1/8.

On Sunday afternoon, I sat in the little theater and watched You Can't Take It With You. It was a fine play, and I was delighted to find that at one point, a hat size is mentioned. You guessed it: 7 and 1/8.

What's The Buzz

2007-04-29T22:16:00.000-05:00

Tommorow I will have a better post up here, probably concerning grad speeches and such. I'll definitley have some new info to relay from the senior goddamned town-hall meeting tommorow. But for now, I think I'll just drop this little tidbit, found on this helpful website, which I was browsing through in search of some appropriately menacing Biblical text to read to all those sinners who'll be graduating in a few weeks:

Revelation 8

1. When the Lamb broke the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven for about half an hour.

You know, about half an hour. Give or take a few minutes. The dude apparently didn't have a stopwatch, so he was just eyeballin' it, I guess.

Stay tuned for some more good Bible passages, not to mention a few dramatic LOTR quotes, and, if you're lucky, some sort of grand analogy about how we should strive to be like Fedaykin, not Sardaukar.

a very, very dead kubas.

2007-04-29T21:51:00.000-05:00

why does my immune system suck?

i woke up today...and my tonsils were so swollen that they were touching each other. that's pretty huge.

the nurse gave me a throat culture. and right away after that, the doctor checked it out and he kind of laughed and asked the nurse,

"have you ever seen them that large???"

so now i'm on a load of steroids/regular drugs. luckily, i don't have strep throat, but i have some kind of ugly virus which only goes away "over time," and not with medicine. oh well.

i doubt i'll be at school tomorrow, so you should all wish me "good luck" sleeping in.

mustache out!