Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Ong-Bak Got Nothin' On Me

This blog has had a dearth of full-length posts these days.

In an effort to remedy the situation, I present to you: Max's thoughts on college.

I figure that really, there are basically only 6 or 7 paths I can choose right now. So I can just list them, use my powers of divination to determine the future of each, and choose accordingly. Right? Right.

Option 1: Major in business/econ/managment/finance/vampirism
Take classes I hate, with people I generally dislike. Move immediately into moderately well-payed job I will hate. End up working for Jeff Smith anyways.

Option 2: Major in engineering/chemistry/physics
Take progressively harder calc courses, bitch about it on my blog. Move into well-paying job I hate. Get caught in some gears or silo explosion or fall into lye tank something. (My theory is, engineers must spend a lot of time on catwalks above massive gears and tanks of lye.)

Option 3: Major in psychology/sociology/new age feel-goodery
Spend four years shocking mice and conducting surveys. Move into boring Human Resources job at Jeff Smith Inc. Yawn.

Option 4: Cultivate my flowing modeling career
I mean, look at these shots from my portfolio:

Aw yeah, he is just poured into that jumpsuit.

Option 5: Take the Josh Mattson approach
Rock and roll all night, party every day.

Option 6: Major in journalism
Take maybe interesting courses. Deal with a lot of annoying people. Get job at Podunk Daily Shitrag (thank you America the Book) or unpaid internship at a reputable paper...or just go run the Dispatch. Zing.

Option 7: Major in art history/religious studies
Take fun classes. Deal with some douchebags, but hopefully fewer (by definition) than in business school. Hopefully travel to see some great art. Learn a lot about some very neat stuff. Go on to graduate school in art and become a teacher or writer, or go to law school, or just party 24/7.

That's pretty much it. Oh, wait, I'm legally obligated to include just one more:

Option 8: Join the Armed Forces
Join the Armed Forces. Die.

P.S.: I totally mastered the art of copying and burning DVDs, at least for the next 30 days. Aw yeah.



At 7:39 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger royalewithcheese_ said...

as i've always said. fuck the police

At 7:55 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Amelia said...

fuck the police.
I like option seven the best. for obvious reasonsh.

I am TAing for an ancient art course right now, getting credit, surfing the web, looking authoratative, taking a few words of notes on Linear B and Cycladic wall painting.

the great thing about option seven is that you have to make new approaches to old problems, so you're a "genius" no matter what you do.

I am also an MARWP RA, again, more easy money, web surfin time, fun!!!!

At 8:39 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Amelia said...

oh, and crosswords. option seven involves lots of crosswords!

At 10:46 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Pelk said...

Yah I'm gonna have to give -10 votes for option 1. Way too many of the kids in my classes wear dress clothes everyday, and if I asked them, they would probably say that writing poetry about dark and mysterious women is childish. Seriously, who are these people?

Tools, douchebags, insert whatever term you prefer.

At 10:48 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Pelk said...

Option 7 all the way. Just make sure you add that feminism major

At 11:05 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Gregarious.Mime said...

For choices like these, wise men turn to Celine Dion:

If it's meant to be
Don't think about it
Let love run free
Cause you're on your way
Follow your heart when it's calling on you...

At 11:06 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Gregarious.Mime said...

That's Titanic-speak for Choice 7

At 11:14 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

It should say "flowering" model career, not "flowing."

Although "flowing" has a nice feel to it. I think Niemi would approve.

Pelkey I need some more poetry.

At 11:29 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger El Jefe said...

I don't like the term "work for Jeff Smith", I prefere "work with Jeff Smith, one of the grestest men to walk the Earth"

At 11:44 PM, October 04, 2006, Blogger Josh said...

quit your day job

At 12:39 AM, October 05, 2006, Blogger Kid C said...

Ong-Bak is a great movie (this totally didn't mesh with the comment thread, whatever)

At 12:56 AM, October 05, 2006, Blogger Houley said...

First, cross Physics off #2. Physics major? Maybe if you plan on sitting in a wheelchair and thinking about black holes all day. Not if you plan on doing anything remotely interesting, enjoyable, or profitable.

Now let's have some representative real-life people from each of your choices and assess their happiness levels on a 10-point scale:

1) Ben Stein (Economics with honors, Columbia '66)
Ben Stein has a good game show and a solid career in acting. Besides, one time we mistook Mr. Lade for Ben Stein when the former was reading roll and Ginny was missing: "Mueller? Mueller?"
Happiness Rating: 9.3

2) Linus Pauling (PhD in Physical Chemistry summa cum laude, '25)
His list of accomplishments include helping to invent quantum mechanics, receiving both the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in '54 "for his research into the nature of the chemical bond and its application to the elucidation of the structure of complex substances" and in Peace in '62 "for his campaign against nuclear weapons testing" and becoming the only person ever to individually receive two Nobels Prizes, predicting DNA's helical shape, contributing to the deveopment of the first modern electric car, being named to New Scientist's list of the 20 greatest scientists of all time, and having a successful marriage with a wife and three kids.
Happiness Rating: 9.9

3) Ted Bundy (Psychology, Washington '72)
Bundy was a law student, Boy Scout, was involved in a Washington State party politics, served as a counselor at the Seattle Crisis Center, and raped and killed at least 30 women, often visiting the dump sites of his victims to re-live his crimes and commit necrophilia, earning his execution in 1989.
Happiness Rating: 2.4

4) Fabio Lanzoni
He modelled, acted on the silver screen and in some soaps, and wrote at least 10 romance novels. He also starred in a series of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter commercials.
Happiness Rating: 9.2

5) Josh Mattson
He modelled, acted on the silver screen and in some soaps, and wrote at least 50 romance novels, three of which starred Sam Walker and Buckminster Fuller. He also starred in a series of "This Better Not Have Butter In It" commercials.
Happiness Rating: 9.2

6) Connie Chung (Journalism, Maryland at College Park '69)
Married Maury Povich.
Happiness Rating: 0.03

7) Josef Strzygowski (first chair of art history at the University of Graz in 1892)
Developed influential work on Armenian architecture. Unabashedly anti-Semitic and espoused ideals soon to be the groundwork of Nazism.
Happiness Rating: 3.4

8) Baron von Steuben
Became deeply indebted and signed up with the Continental Army at Valley Forge. Reformed soldiers and saved America. Died a bachelor in 1794.
Happiness Rating: 9.8

I hope this helps.

At 11:10 AM, October 05, 2006, Blogger Pelk said...

In other words, shoot for Baron von Steuben and try not to be Connie Chung. This has pretty much been my life goal for a while now. It will probably serve you nicely as well, Max.

At 4:32 PM, October 05, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

I'd say Josef Strzygowski was happier than a 3.4.
He may have hated the Jews, but I'll bet he loved hating them.

Houle, your first paragraph confused me. Are you saying physics is A: good or B: bad?

At 11:54 PM, October 05, 2006, Blogger Houley said...

Physics major: not advisable.

At 7:04 AM, October 06, 2006, Blogger Kara said...

However, if one were Ted Bundy; life before jail probably wasn't all that bad for him. Until he was jailed, and then life probably did suck. So, I guess the lesson to be learned there Max. Don't get caught.

At 2:50 AM, November 13, 2006, Blogger Houley said...

yes, i'm sure Ted Bundy led a very happy, fulfilling life.


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