Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Barrows Or Bust!

While the rest of the world was busy going to Germany and Florida and other lame places, the Manly Mustaches got their priorities in order and journeyed to a much more original Spring Break vacation spot. We have a feeling that it will become the hot new hangout for the entire Mustache Nation. I'm speaking, of course, about Barrows, Minnesota, that diamond in the rough just off old 371.

10:50 a.m.: We departed Tom Day's Mustache Mansion. We decided to save Mother Earth some trouble and carpool in the Kuehn family van, re-christened today as The Mustachemobile. We packed up all of our worldly belongings and hit the road, uncertain if we would ever see our beloved Brainerd/Baxter area again.





10:52 a.m.: After an arduous journey of almost 12 miles, Sam and Tom succumbed to exhaustion and collapsed in the back seat.



10:55 a.m.: After what seemed like hours of travel time with no sign of civilization, we spotted a small rural outpost that offered us basic supplies like donut holes, root beer, wild rice, and double-barrled shotgun lighters. Fueled up and stretched out, we kept on keeping on.



10:58 a.m.: At long last, we arrived in the promised land. With the Italians' excellent picture for inspiration, we posed and got what was probably the best picture of the day. Everyone else has their work cut out for them on the Spring Break picture contest. Sir Alex and company, this one's for you.



11:20 a.m.: Drove the streets of Barrows. This vibrant city seemed to hum with activity and life. More than once we had to stop, open the door of the van, and capture the pictauresque natural beauty of this peaceful, idyllic, pastoral scene of arcadian revelry. We even caught sight of a few native Barrowinians.


(If you look closely, you can see a bike hanging from the tree)


11:25 a.m.: By following clearly marked signs, we located possibly the only public building in Barrows: Crow Wing Town Hall, or something like that. Our hopes of finding a brochure with information about Barrows were dashed when we found the door locked. We posted a memorial for Rupert, and Muslim Magic got a bit emotional.



11:30 a.m.:Next door was the future site of Township Park. From the looks of the sign, this has been the future home of Township Park for about 4 years now, and will be into the forseeable future. We found a dangerous old playground and got a better shot of the Mustache shirts on display. The combination of good times and sunshine prompted MM to make good on his promise of shorts and a t-shirt in a lawn chair. And the suntan lotion flowed like wine.



11:40 a.m.: As we bid farewell to this rustic center of primitive beauty, we all felt a confusing rush of conflicted emotions. Our first thought was to stay there, to get jobs as farm hands and live out the rest of our days as simple men of the earth. However, a deep feeling of homesickness and a desire to see cars with wheels and houses with actual aluminium siding eventually drew us back home.



This totally makes up for not going anywhere for Spring Break. This just goes to show, the most unspoiled locations are often right in your own backyard. So go on! Explore your world!

Written by Max Kuehn. Edited by Andrew Kubas. Technical crap figured out by Sam Walker. Published for your viewing pleasure by the entire Mustache Franchise and Monstar Organization. Copyright 2006.

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33 Comments:

At 4:52 PM, March 14, 2006, Anonymous Amelia said...

Did y'all see Colbert ripping on the italians last night?

 
At 6:47 PM, March 14, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not to mention you guys turned down a challenge. All in a days work for the (Wo)manly Buttstaches.

 
At 7:03 PM, March 14, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

it takes a man to post your name...

hey! that's me!

 
At 7:12 PM, March 14, 2006, Blogger The_Janitor said...

What kind of dirtball posts anonymously? It must be one of those Wanksta Nation punks.

 
At 7:23 PM, March 14, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

how great is that?! the wanksters read the mustache blog!

this is a great day in mustache history.

"Not to mention you guys turned down a challenge." <---this guy is an idiot because the note at the door said "8:00" and he posts at 6:47. who said we turned down the challenge?

 
At 7:42 PM, March 14, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

I'd say it was Caucasian Invasion (buttstaches?), but I'm not sure if those guys know how to operate computers.

Seems like blogging would get in the way of their moonshining...

Also, we're letting their childish tactics get in the way of our Barrows enjoyment. All in favor of ignoring them, do so now.

 
At 8:04 PM, March 14, 2006, Blogger 3_the_hard_way said...

"(Wo)manly Buttstaches"

I don't know whether to laugh hysterically or cry profusely.

 
At 9:17 PM, March 14, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I'm saying is that you guys wussed out. You guys obviously had nothing better to do tonight than to respond to an anonymous challenge.

 
At 9:34 PM, March 14, 2006, Anonymous teradactle said...

yeah, looks like we just missed you guys in the amazing township of Barrows. consider youselves lucky. did you guys happen to see the sweet truck with the Git-R-Done sticker on it? did you buy any firewood? did you notice how much more affluent east Barrow seemed to be?

 
At 10:21 PM, March 14, 2006, Blogger cameron said...

this has provided me so much joy and laughter. thank you.

 
At 12:24 AM, March 15, 2006, Blogger Kid C said...

This is arguably the best post on this blog yet... and that's saying something!

 
At 12:54 AM, March 15, 2006, Anonymous Velociraptor said...

Did you see the Mayor of Barrows' house? It's the rather nice yellow one.

 
At 1:48 AM, March 15, 2006, Blogger CoachDub said...

First, as a blog reader: Kudos for the entertaining post. Highly enjoyable.

Second, as your former English teacher: This is brilliant, guys. Perfectly written, satirical, clever. A parody of the highest degree. Well done.

 
At 8:22 AM, March 15, 2006, Anonymous SomeoneYouKnow said...

O.k. Call me "Anonymous #2"; This was very clever and your Anonymous #1 has a few issues to resovle. Like maturity. Name calling is so..."Grade-School". But enough of that.

I really have no desire to start yet "another" blog; So my identity Mr.K ,whom I miss the fro on, will remain as Anonymous #2 :)

Muhahahahahaw!

Awesome Blog, keep it coming. The writing style & sense of humor is refreshing to the drama posted on other blogs :)

 
At 9:59 AM, March 15, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey #2, go suck it how about?

What? Is telling someone to "go suck it" too grade school for you? You can't deal with that? Not mature enough for you, the master of maturity?

You know what you need to "resovle"? Your grammar and use of punctuation. It's atrocious.

 
At 10:42 AM, March 15, 2006, Blogger 3_the_hard_way said...

Anonymous, this isn't a topic up for insults. This is a topic about our adventure through the paradise that is Barrows. Now if we wanted a topic of insults, I would have told you, Insult the Comic Dog style, that your comments are good enough for me to "POOP ON!"

 
At 11:15 AM, March 15, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What are you gonna do to stop me?

Wuss out again?

 
At 11:30 AM, March 15, 2006, Blogger Kid C said...

Insults? Not grade school.

The word "Buttstache?" Calling it grade school is to give its speaker credit.

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog? So 2001.

Drama? Not on IHOB.

Good posts? Not on IHOB.

 
At 11:51 AM, March 15, 2006, Blogger Johnny V said...

This looks like the War of Mustache Submission, if you ask me.

 
At 11:52 AM, March 15, 2006, Anonymous SomeoneYouKnow said...

But let us speak more of Barrows...or perhaps Kimball should be your next stop...he he he.

There is Trimbal (sp?), as well.

(aka Anonymous #2)

 
At 6:19 PM, March 15, 2006, Anonymous fayyna said...

Queridos bigotes:
Puedo escribir en espanol verdad? igual os resulta màs facil, qué sé yo, seguro es un pase adelante con respecto al italiano. Pues nada, sòlo querìa deciros que NUESTRO REY Alex Mo' ha marcado otro golazo en el partido de anoche. Es increìble. Visca Sir Alex!

Me alegro también de que habeis disfrutado de la escursiòn en ese pueblo tan raro que responde al nombre de Barrows, que si no me equivoco es ese rollo para llevar tierra. Habìa una obra de William Carlos Williams, The Red Wheelbarrow, isn't it? Ma quante ne so? TELL ME, FRIENDS, HOW MANY DO I KNOW?

 
At 6:21 PM, March 15, 2006, Anonymous fayna said...

6:19 pm! sweet evening! Well, I go to sleep

 
At 9:04 PM, March 15, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

i think it's time for the mustaches to start posting their favorite memories of the trip. so i'll start.

sam: "man, what if we get pulled over by the cops?"

tom day: "we can tell them we're doing a report on poverty."

max: "yeah, i don't think that would go over well at all."

ahhh barrows...i'm starting to miss it.

 
At 11:13 PM, March 15, 2006, Blogger 3_the_hard_way said...

My favorite thing was seeing that kid from our school. That in itself was a good laugh.

On a secondary note, I am going to hell for laughing at that.

 
At 11:33 AM, March 16, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

I think my favorite part was lying down in that muddy ditch to get the awesome perspective shot of you guys and the sign.

Man, why didn't we stop to buy some firewood? It was so affordable.

Who are all these people? I had no idea we had such a diverse readership. Outside of Italy, of course.

 
At 2:59 PM, March 16, 2006, Blogger Johnny V said...

Buy firewood... Stimulate the local economy.

 
At 10:39 PM, March 16, 2006, Blogger Tom said...

lol

 
At 12:42 AM, March 17, 2006, Blogger hannah said...

i think it should be noted that i have spent many many many hours of my childhood driving to the wild rice depot on the four wheeler with kayla.

it holds a special place in my heart.

 
At 10:24 PM, March 19, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

Hey Sam, nice pink water bottle in picture #2.

 
At 8:18 PM, March 20, 2006, Blogger Houley said...

Dudes, I have some sweet pics of my Team GPA shirt in Norway and Italy.

 
At 8:42 PM, March 20, 2006, Blogger Sherlock said...

Hijo, I'm very proud. Although I was a little frightened you would get shot by coming to close to one of the numerous meth labs, you have returned to me safe, and for that I'm grateful.

But really though, sounds like you guys had a blast.

 
At 4:13 PM, June 05, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

For the future:

Turns out the anonymous persons were Johnny V and some friends. Just so everyone knows...

 
At 4:31 PM, October 03, 2006, Blogger jobble said...

oh ok

 

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