Friday, June 09, 2006

how does the other side live?

FIRST and foremost,

You are cordially invited to Adam Pelkey's grad party tomorrow. (Actually, you might wanna ask him first, but I'm just gonna post the stuff...[Pelk this is good P.R.!])

It's from 1:00-4:00 at his house. I won't be there until 3:15ish, but I highly encourage everyone to go. He's that amazing. (Jake: let's invade) Give him a lot of money. Word on the street says if attendance is high enough, he'll flex his right arm and shred his sleeve.




There's also a silent auction...highest bidder receives his recently removed wisdom teeth. What a party!

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This week I started working at Meyer Teleservices. That's right, I'm a telemarketer. AND a Republican. Let me expound on this...

Meyer was created by Democrats. Owned by Democrats. 99% of the workers are Democrats. We call and raise money for Democrats, Democratic campaigns, the DNC...anything left-wing related. (in case you missed it the first time: I'm a Republican)

The entire goal is to raise money. Steal money. Take money. We have a script we read asking for money. If they say no...we read something else asking for a little less money...if they say no again, we read a third script asking for a minimal amount. (That's 3 different "asks")

So I call this lady. "Would you be willing to give...$XXX"
Lady: "I'm sorry, my 3-year-old son just died. I have to pay for the funeral..."
Me: "Oooohhh!! I'm so sorry!" (2 seconds of awkward pause)
Me: "Would you be willing to give $XXX"
Lady: (phone:) [click]

GOD I'M A DOUCHE
I'm blaming this on the left-wing fundraising strategy.
Obviously, that was a blatant bash on the Democratic Party. I'm not categorizing here, so all you left-wingers please don't RAPE me with "how little" I know about politics or how I'm a "typical Republican" that is generalizing my concepts of your fundamental ideologies. Sure, I get it.
If this job sucks the life and soul out of me, I beg for your forgiveness.

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6 Comments:

At 11:01 PM, June 09, 2006, Blogger Tom said...

now thats funny.

 
At 11:01 PM, June 09, 2006, Blogger Tom said...

i mean, now THATS funny.

 
At 11:13 PM, June 09, 2006, Blogger Tay said...

dude, kubas... it wasn't the left-wing money sucking tactics that led you down that path, it was your lack of a soul as a republican that led you to push for more money (wow, that worked on two levels there). a normal democrat (like myself) would have just ended the call with a brief apology and moved on. but no... you a) love your money so and b) have no soul. shame on you.

 
At 11:56 PM, June 09, 2006, Blogger Samwalkertron said...

Why the hell are you doing work that you have an overwhelming moral opposition to?

 
At 7:26 PM, June 10, 2006, Blogger Amelia said...

goodluck at meyers! I spent two summers there. don, the qa person,uncle to max and i, is a cool guy. not to be confused with qa dawn, the drinking, smoking, gay-loving mormon.
and that was it for cool people when i worked there, unless you consider every pregnant, 17-year-old cool

 
At 11:39 PM, June 11, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

Sam, try not to quote mattson directly next time.

Kubas, I was considering repremanding you for introducing non-bread party politics to the mustache blog, but I realized that this commentary was not self-righteous stump speaking (cough tay cough), but rather of that charmingly self-depricating, soul-searching variety. Carry on!

 

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