A Blog Of Many Persons

Five items today. In the future, I will try to have more on-topic posts, more times per week. No promises.

1. Today I purchased 5 postcards for $1.40. I'd been on the lookout for a less expensive means of keeping my friends "posted" (ha! ha!) about goings on around the big NU, and I think these could be the answer. Plus, they're blank except for the postage so I can print out custom designs on 'em to give 'em that personal touch that so much correspondence lacks these days.

Possible designs:
-Me giving a thumbs up.
-Bikini Babes
-Bikini Babes giving a thumbs up
-Solid black (for maximum ink-wastage)
-Manly, the Manly Mustache
-More writing (silly, I know)

When I think of postcards, I think of Brokeback Mountain, where Heath Ledger (man, that's a great name) gets the letter from Jack and replies with a postcard that just says "You Bet" on it.

2. Over the past few days I've been burning through the database over at Achewood, a comic strip on the Internet about some animals. It's now my all-time favorite webcomic. I highly encourage you to check it out.

Josh Mattson, I once made fun of you for wanting to spend $150 on the complete Achewood collection in several fine bound volumes. I still think it's a ridiculous price, but I think I understand where you're coming from now.


3. So I looked through some Manly Mustaches Blog archives earlier today (because I just have too much time and needed some way to waste it) and found that all the old posts, created long before beta blogger came around and tacked on these "labels" for each post, have been automatically assigned two labels: "billions and billions" and "bread." I am going to go ahead and assume that this is for alphabetical reasons. Coincidentally, these labels describe the content of the posts pretty well.

Memories from the archives: the word "troffle" and Chacarron.


4. Tommy update: as a reminder, Tommy is the bleach blond piece of shit in my seminar who likes to talk about "paradigms" and "dichotomy." Today he wore a shirt that said "The Name's Duge, Duge Hick." Also, he wrote a note to a bro that said simply "Tequila and skinny dipping."

Maybe he'll get hit by a train one of these days.

5. I want to dress up for Halloween, but the problem of a costume is probably going to fall by the wayside. Like every kid in North America, I wish I had the dough/gumption/technical know-how to buy/build myself a Daft Punk robot helmet for Halloween. Tragically, I don't have $14,000 (or is it $65,000? Does it really make a difference?) and a year to burn. I actually did buy a motorcycle helmet at a garage sale this summer, so constructing such a helmet (or a crude facsimile of such a helmet) could be a fun project. But for this year, things are looking doubtful.

N=R* x fp x ne x fl x fi x fc x L

After a successful Lowell reunion party, including a 5-A-Day Live presentation, rousing games of kickball and check, seeing Valarie Niager (sp?) for the first time in about 5 years, and having my second ice cream cake of the day, I am understandably tired. However, I believe I have enough energy in these old sausage fingers of mine to bring you up to date on some pressing matters.

First: I will not be speaking at graduation. My sources tell me that it came down to myself and Sara Swenson, and Ms. Swenson was selected on the grounds that she spoke louder at the audition. Also, the students might have enjoyed my speech too much.

But seriously folks, I wish Ms. Swenson all the best. Honestly, I'm glad that I can just look forward to sitting around and being entertained at graduation. I think I'll bring some enormous beachballs.

Second: You can always tell when you've done a good job in filling out a survey for the Brainerd Daily Disgrace when Jason Houle, approaching you for the first time since the article has been published, greets you by yelling "You're such a tremendous douchebag!"

Here is the important part of the article:


Maxwell Kuehn

Class rank: No. 2.

Vital statistics: He is 18 and was born and raised in Brainerd. He currently lives in northwest Brainerd. His parents are Martha and Carter Kuehn. His sister, Maya, 21, is a senior at Northwestern University.

Activities: Tennis, basketball, playing Illuminati, reading comics and failing to use parallel construction.

Part-time work: Waiting tables at Lost Lake Lodge.

For relaxation: Calculus

Future plans: Attend Northwestern University, major in art history.

Most memorable high school moment: "This one time I saw Mr. Hewitt lift a car over his head."

Words to live by: "I work without a net, dangling precariously on the edge of genius and insanity, glory and despair, acceptance and rejection." - Tay Stevenson


Steve Kohls took that gem of a photo. Mad props to Mrs. Lundgren for providing me with the lab coat and a variety of sciency curios and gew-gaws.


Third: I signed up for my Freshman Seminar things today. I think I'll probably end up in the Kaplan Humanities Scholars Program thing, exploring notions of the Good Society and whatnot. In addition to that, I plan to take a German class, some Intro to Psych thing, and a bitchin' looking course called Intro to Astrobiology.

Awww yeah, astrobiology. Good times.

Maxwell Edison, Majoring In Medicine

I know we've posed this point for debate before, but I feel the recent spate of macho President videos warrents a reopening of discussion.

Who is the manliest American President of all time? Is it:

...A) Andrew "You'll-Take-The-Swampland-And-Like-It" Jackson, probably our greatest native killing (or at least repressing) President?

...B) Theodore Roosevelt, the President who probably personally killed the most men?

...C) George Washington, who threw a knife into heaven?

...or D), None of the above?

If D, who? Feel free to use facial hair as justification.

If Only Teddy Was Still Alive

Then he could run for the Bread Party

guess what i got in the mail.

it involves grand casino mille lacs.

YAY

for pelkey (if he cares)

a conversation.

kubas: "what exactly is my role this year?"

borash: "we envision you as more of a 'super senior'."

kubas: "uh huh..."

borash: "you know, where you help the novi with their cases. give them pointers. judge a few brainerd practice rounds."

kubas: "uh huh."

borash: "you'll be the inspirational 'kubas!' "

kubas: "hmm."

borash: "blame bag boy. it's all his fault."

wow this year sucks. every aspect of school/band/extracurriculars. pew.

mr. negativity? perhaps. dead sexy? not necessarily. last name? kubas.

"Just give it to me raw" [Now what you asking for]

# of unique visits for the last 5 days:

68
48
45
53
56

raw hits:

128
114
143
130
137

i think we broke neoearth. it's not really working anymore.

A Foolish Consistency Is The Hobgoblin Of Little Minds

My mom's best friend's mom's sister's husband, George, works at Princeton, so my mom and I are going to go visit them over MEA. Apparently, that weekend is homecoming, and George has an extra ticket to the football game against Harvard and invited me to go with him. So that's pretty hilarious.

But here's the thing: while I'm at the game, my mom and her best friend's mom's sister are going to the Princeton art museum. Is it bad that I think I'd rather go to see the art collection than the football game? Is it worse that I'm going to the football game anyways?

P.S.: Wanninger: I'm probably going to use a quote from Self-Reliance to start my NM essay. Can you (or one of your students) guess which one? 5 bonus points (if Kubas chooses to add them) to the winner! Hint: it's not this post's title.

P.P.S.: I'm also considering using a Gatsby quote instead. If someone guesses that one, hell, take 15 points.

The Janitor's Closet

• I'm currently working on a really stupid project for Spanish III. I can't figure out how to use five reflexive verbs while describing what there is to do in Brainerd, MN.
• On Saturday I was watching a children's show on the Christian Channel called the Donut Repair Club and the host was the biggest pedophile ever. He had a molester mustache and rainbow colored clothes on, but his dialogue was the worst. While comforting a young boy he told him, "That's why we're called the donut repair club" then jammed a piece of donut into another donut's center.
• I've got another two scenes done on the movie since Friday and put the music in the scenes that were missing it.
• My fantasy footbal team sucks, it's looking like an o-2 start
• The Twins, Vikings and Timberwolves will all make the playoffs this year.

assistance

i believe (i'm not sure when) but during the upcoming week we will be voting on

THE CLASS SONG.

a.) can someone verify a date/time?
b.) can the ENTIRE MUSTACHE NATION promise to get out and vote?
c.) can we all vote for max to sing "hooked on a feeeeeeeelin"?

from one mustache to another,

many thanks.

3 x 10^8 m/s

have i ever mentioned that i like super jackpot party?

the wallet was a lovely $110 thicker last night. let's celebrate!

things to be excited for:

1. the movie
2. home football game friday
3. ramadanadingdong is in one week (this is big for me)
4. when it's finally cold enough to kill some hornets nests
5. sleeping on my chillow. (the chilly side of the pillow)

things not to be excited for:

1. the city of rogers
2. october 6th poop
3. people who put too much pressure on kurt (seriously "kurtis" [my new name for you] take all the time you need)
4. no shave november
5. the number 5

hmm i'm thinking (within the week) i'll have a potentially life-changing poll. i would like full participation...because you all know i'll actually do it.

for some reason channel 62 was viewable on basic cable today. the emeril side of kubas:

BAM! mustache out!

More Real Than Real

So I went down to the cities this weekend for a suprise party for Sam Walker.

A message from Ali Jones and Heather Mastel-Lipson:
If anyone needs a ride down to the cities on a Saturday, they have a ride back at a later time, they can fit their luggage into a small blue station wagon along with a violin and cello, and they're willing to punch themselves awake at 5 a.m., the Orchestra Bus can provide. It certainly saved me a lot of money and trouble. Thank them for me if you see them, okay?

Highlight of the trip: Sitting in lawn chairs on the mall in front of Northup Auditorium, watching lightning flash all around it and debating the importance of shadows in architecture. Also, breakfast at Al's Breakfast two days in a row. Thank you Amelia!

Suprise party report: So the suprise part was hurt by A:The fact that I neglected to tell my cousin Amelia that my apperance in the cities was to a be a surprise for Sam Walker, and B: the star-crossed meeting of Amelia and Sam and Josh on the street in Dinkytown, in which she said "Oh, so I suppose you'll be hanging out with Max when he comes down tommorow?" But Sam was still moderately suprised by the party, and he got some pretty good gifts.

Overall, a success.

Aaaaaannd it looks like the movie is going to take a little bit longer to get done than suspected. Kurt.....c'mon.

I DISAGREE

hey, tanner motors

SCREW YOU. oh man i so didn't swear there.

so while the rest of the world is celebrating sam walker's existence,

i'm going to go gamble.

bye.

Neunundneunzig Problems

My dad has four brothers, which gives me four uncles from Wisconsin. So when I got a call tonight and I heard "This is your dad's brother," I had to think quick. Was it Kim, Rick, Pat, or Skip? I hesitated, and he took mercy on me and said "This is Skipper. Is your dad around?" I told him no and asked if he had a message, and Skip says "Well, just tell him is older brother by a year and a half called and told him to eat shit and die."

Oh man, Skip is sweet. I laughed a lot at that line, but my momma didn't get it. So is it a guy thing? Or just a Kuehn guy thing?

My dad has stories about Skip. Back in Milwaukee (and later in San Fran), when people would stop and ask Skip for directions, he would act all helpful, sometimes even draw them a map, and give them completely wrong directions.

"Okay, so you're gonna go down two blocks, then turn right BEFORE the bridge. You'll see a big yellow sign, turn left there, go down about 8 blocks, two quick rights, and you're right there."

Strikes me as a real Sam Walker thing to do. Except it would require talking to peolpe, so probably a no go there. Sam would just doctor road maps at rest stops. And hack mapquest so it would direct you into narrow alleys and dead ends and small lakes. And poison the town's water supply.

P.S.: I'm officially a National Merit Semifinalist. Whooo. The important thing here is that it means that this picture will be appearing in the Brainerd Daily Dispatch:Man, I 'd forgotten how much I owned the PSAT. I mean, I don't usually like to brag about test scores, but 230? Outta 240? Linda says I set the school record, which means I pretty much deserve my name engraved somewhere. Until some enterprising young 'un comes up with a 232 of course. Then it'll be him with the goddamned target on his back.

incredible!

it's the italians at their finest!

i know nothing about soccer, but even i know this is amazing!

MANACLES THYMUS

Great anagram website here. I use it for my vocab mneumonics. But today I typed in my name and got:
MAX KUEHN=EXAM HUNK

Aw yeah.

Other notables:
LOGAN MOHS=SALMON HOG
SAM WALKER=LAWMAKERS=LEAKS WARM
PAM RONNEI=INANE ROMP
PAIGE NORTHWAY=PARAGON WHITEY=HYAENA PIG WORT
JOSH JOHNSON=JOHN JOSH SON
MANLY MUSTACHES=LATCH MANY MUSES=HAST MANY MUSCLE

Have fun!

...guardians of the blue and white...

marching band practice:

two thumbs wayyy down. did anyone else think that melby's "pep talk" was...a...lie?

someone needs to help me with question #1 for lang.

geography today:

Mr. borash: "hahah...AAAHHAHA...haha! ...hah!"

kubas: "what?"

Mr. borash: "muslim magic. that's funny."

Everything's Got 'Em

So today in Econ we were doing some review questions or whatever and we had to define "economic facts." I had something like "hard data gathered through study," but some kids by me weren't sure what to answer and let the rest of the room know it. Matt Blair turned to them and said "facts are facts." And one of the kids says "well yeah, but what did you define them as?" Blair: "Facts are facts."
Me: "That's a terrible definition. Don't use it, kids. Facts are hard data gathered through study and experiment."

Blair definition was really fantastically bad. It wasn't even up to the level of being a circular definition (A=B, B=A); it was a punctual definition (A=A).
I exceeded my quota of good deeds for today. One, I passed on the copy of Lolita mattson gave me to the new India-by-way-of-California transfer, and two, I picked up a stray media center card. Some lucky junior (Karissa Janacek?) is totally going to save a dollar. Although the media center ladies probably won't give it to her, just charge her the dollar for their own nefarious purposes.

Kubas, re. your conviction that I will be on the homecoming court: C'mon bud. I'm not a football player. Hell, I'm not even a band officer; I couldn't even win a BAND popularity contest.

Hey, let's see if I can ysi. Fingers crossed.

Banned Commercial

It's a wonder this was deemed unworthy of air time.

Since No One Visits IHOB