Monday, January 15, 2007

Jackpot Junction!

Two highlights today:

1. I was walking through the bitter cold over to German when a young man with shaggy blond hair, thick-rimmed glasses, jeans and a suit coat ran by me. When a pair of female hicks called his name, he skidded to a halt and started jogging in place next to them. Their dialouge was as follows (SC=suit coat guy, HG1=hick girl 1 [his girlfriend, I assume], HG2=hick girl 2):

HG1: Where are you goin?
SC: Over THERE! (gestures beyond Missy Ho, possibly meaning CLC)
HG1: WHAT? You're going to walk there?
SC: Oh yeah!
HG1: Don't, you'll freeze to death!
SC: I'm a goin'! (SC sets off at a sprint)
HG1 (to HG2): Can I be late to class?
HG2: No, not today.
HG1: Shit! But he's gonna freeze!
HG2: More likely he'll fall and break his hip again.
HG1 (shouting after SC): Don't break your hip! We need it for Friday!

Good times.

2. So after school today I was casually discussing the photos on Linda Dockter's door with Kubas and Linda. We were talking about how Mrs. Evans (the yearbook advisor) had skulked down to Linda's office and obtained the picture of me in a sweater (see right) which I had given to Linda for the AP scholar spread. It was Linda's understanding that it was for the top ten or something, not to replace my actual yearbook photo (see below).

Rebbeca (sp?) Wicklund overheard us and commented on how "Mrs. Evans really didn't like that photo." I asked her what she meant, and she revealed that Mrs. Evans was planning to remove my photo of choice and replace it with the besweatered lame-o shot.

Naturally I stormed down to the Brainonian office and asked Mrs. Evans about it. I had, after all, complied with the picture guidelines, and the yearbook had accepted my photo when I'd first submitted it. She gave me a couple of lame excuses about how "Some people spent $800 on these pictures" and how I was "making fun of the whole concept of senior photos." Oh, the audacity!

I argued in the most respectful terms I could (I didn't insult her once!), and finally told her that if I couldn't have the basketball pic in, I didn't want any photo at all. She responded that the senior photo page had already been sent in and was "at the printers in Kansas."

I broccoli stomped home and was barely in the door when the phone rang. It was Mrs. Evans for me. She told me that although she was "not happy about it," my basketball photo would appear in the senior photo section after all. She claimed that it was because some other kid had submitted a similar photo and the yearbook had no replacement for him, but I know the real reason why: fear. I could smell it on her.

But seriously folks--I'm glad this problem solved itself. I was worried I was going to have to protest the decision somehow. A public burning of my yearbook? Refuse to submit any info for the "best of the class" thing? Or pull a Mattson and write an indignant letter to the FSJ?

It's not that I have a problem with throwing a shit fit over something this petty, but having to decide to what extent I should base my letter of protest on Martin Luther King, Jr.'s Letter From Birmingham Jail? I don't need that kind of stress.

P.S.: When I thought about it, I came up with three more highlights
3.When Seniora Maine came in, discovered that P had not one, not two, but THREE different foreign language scrabble games, and cried out "Jackpot junction!"
4. When I burned Sam on his new dot-matrix deer-jumping-a-log sweater:"Hey Sam, nice shirt. Does it come in hetero?"
5. This sweet gay joke: "Hey Sam, how do you know when two Irishmen are gay? (Dirty look from Sam) When Patrick Fitzwilliam and William Fitzpatrick!"




At 5:27 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

I forgot to mention in the post: Evans apparently used her magical powers to retrieve the page in question from the "printer in Kansas", switched out the photo, and teleported it back.

At 5:52 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger m_kummet said...

even though its on the DL i have seen some much more interesting senior pic's. namely drew goulson holding two rusty saws across his picture. i'm sure you were the least of her worries. (although she DID have both copies)

At 6:17 PM, January 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well done, Max. You are the next Cesar Chavez. I am glad it resolved itself; I was going to give you the number of an ACLU lawyer.

At 6:18 PM, January 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Of course now when you get your yearbook and it has the lame sweater picture, she can claim that she tried to fix it and then blame it on the printers.

At 6:27 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Well I may owe Andrew Goulson a hearty handshake and a thank you

I guess we'll have to see if anybody has anything nuttier when the yearbook comes out.

At 6:57 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger Josh said...

tell her to piss off

whatta bitch oh man

At 7:31 PM, January 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't stand Evans... Bad experience last year.

At 7:33 PM, January 15, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Those last two jokes: amazing!

At 7:43 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger Amelia said...

does it come in hetero? lol.

At 8:09 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

full disclosure: I stole the hetero line from josh ellens, who I think stole it from scrubs.

Even so, it's all about the delivery.

At 9:12 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger matt said...

i laughed at the irish joke, more so at picturing sams reaction.

At 9:15 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger matt said...

what are the guidelines for seniors portraits?

At 9:30 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger Josh said...

i looked sharp in the picture too

At 10:56 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger mayah said...

i waited on maine this summer. she was mean, condescending, and tipped poorly. surprise!

At 11:18 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger Houley said...

i was happy to see mattson's pic in the dispatch for AP scholars

At 11:24 PM, January 15, 2007, Blogger Samwalkertron said...

It's called knitting Max, and it's been around a hell of a lot longer than dot-matrix printers have.

At 4:43 PM, January 16, 2007, Blogger hannah said...

personally, i wish i had had more fun with my senior pictures. good thing concordia has a yearbook for me to toy with.

in other news, people who spend $800 on their pictures deserve to be mocked. that could buy you taco bell for all 4 years of college. lets be real. i mean, come on.

At 7:29 PM, January 16, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Sam, since when has the age of an art form been a point of respect for you?

Aren't you more of an "ecstatic contemplation of pure plastic art" kinda guy?

Wait a minute....Desi put you up to this, didn't she? She probably knitted the damn thing.

At 8:12 PM, January 16, 2007, Blogger Samwalkertron said...

I'm just saying it's ridiculous to compare it to dat-matrix printing, as it's a technique that existed long before dot-matrix printers did. If anything, you should be comparing dot-matrix printers to knitting. Dot-matrix printers were not the first instance in history of an image composed upon a grid.

At 8:15 PM, January 16, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok honestly. . . my understading is, is that senior photos are supposed to be a representation of you so that you are remembered how you want to be remembered? right? guidlines=lame. and that is why today, i still hate the picture of me that got put into the yearbook because my parents got the stupid fucking letter with the guidlines.

At 8:28 PM, January 16, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Well duh Sam.

I just said dot-matrix because it was the most insulting form of grid imagery I could come up with on the spot.

If I say "Nice knitted sweater!", where's the joke? Dead at the bottom of a well, that's where.

Also this ranks pretty high on the list of the ridiculous arguments we've had.

In the past week.

At 11:31 PM, January 16, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wait, did i miss something? is sam gay? i thought sam stole pelkey's girlfriend. man am i out of the loop here.

good job max. you remind me of a younger, more beligerant and petty me. kudos to you for fighting the man. in fairness, i sent a letter to the city of hanover yesterday complaining about the ridiculous amount of road salt they use here.

and i told that irish joke to my roommates. we had a good chuckle. in that ivy league snobbish way. you know what i'm talking about,.

At 7:52 AM, January 17, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Max, you deserve three gold stars for your efforts. . . and your broccoli stomping.

So, now i really need one of your S. pics. preferably the best one, and you know which one I'm speaking of.

At 3:09 PM, January 17, 2007, Blogger The_Janitor said...

"good job max. you remind me of a younger, more beligerant and petty me."


At 4:27 PM, January 17, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Alright tay, "younger" i can buy. But ME, humble Max Kuehn, MORE "beligerent[sic] and petty" than you, Tay "king of chivalry" Stevenson?

C'mon tay. Let's be real here.

At 5:34 PM, January 17, 2007, Blogger Houley said...

haha Desi is a man's name.


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