we can rebuild him, make him better, stronger, faster...

This is my car. A Dodge Neon. Except, it's not mine. (And look at that hood! No scratch!)

I'm sorry, I don't have a current picture of my Neon. At least, not from the front side. Anyway, long ago I dubbed my car "The Scratched Up Lenny." It's quite a beautiful name. It goes 0-60 in 9.76 seconds. "The Scratched Up Lenny" has participated in 2 different drag races. (A story will now follow)

Many of you know I drive a bit...erratically. (Sometimes I get distracted by men with manly mustaches) It was Easter of 2005. Washington Street. Right next to the Dollar Store...going East. To my right: Jacob Folkeringa, in his pimped out Geo Prizm. I looked out my side door. Our eyes met. I pointed my finger straight ahead...and he knew IT WAS ON. The light...turned green. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I had made it to 5th Street (I think that's the name of the road) and was already turning when Jake finally caught up to me. The Neon won in a blowout.

So, well over a year later Jacob decides to show up at our band banquet. (Seriously, who does that?) We were headed to Tim Lange's grad party...but first...we had to pass a stoplight on South 6th Street.

Imagine: same scenario. Except different street. Jake has a different car. (A Saturn something-or-another) This time the Neon is carrying extra weight: Max Kuehn.

I look to my right. Jake and I lock eyes--and begin revvvving our engines. The light...turns green.

10 MPH...20MPH...30MPH...the two cars are neck-in-neck! Suddenly, as if propelled by sheer will, Allah, prayer, gasoline, oil, Italy, and the entire Mustache Nation alone, the Neon jumps to--50 MPH! Jacob became a speck in the distance. To add insult to injury, all Jake had to show for his depressing performance was a trail of black smoke from his exhaust pipe 1/4 mile long.

Jake, I have that awkward band-love for you, but seriously, the Neon just SMOKED you! I don't have any quality rear-end pictures of the Neon, but I can assure you (from Jake's standpoint) he saw something like this.

(Get it? No, really? All he saw...the BACK...of...my car! HAHAHA. Should I explain why that's funny?)