Tuesday, May 30, 2006

we can rebuild him, make him better, stronger, faster...

This is my car. A Dodge Neon. Except, it's not mine. (And look at that hood! No scratch!)

I'm sorry, I don't have a current picture of my Neon. At least, not from the front side. Anyway, long ago I dubbed my car "The Scratched Up Lenny." It's quite a beautiful name. It goes 0-60 in 9.76 seconds. "The Scratched Up Lenny" has participated in 2 different drag races. (A story will now follow)

Many of you know I drive a bit...erratically. (Sometimes I get distracted by men with manly mustaches) It was Easter of 2005. Washington Street. Right next to the Dollar Store...going East. To my right: Jacob Folkeringa, in his pimped out Geo Prizm. I looked out my side door. Our eyes met. I pointed my finger straight ahead...and he knew IT WAS ON. The light...turned green. NOT EVEN CLOSE. I had made it to 5th Street (I think that's the name of the road) and was already turning when Jake finally caught up to me. The Neon won in a blowout.

So, well over a year later Jacob decides to show up at our band banquet. (Seriously, who does that?) We were headed to Tim Lange's grad party...but first...we had to pass a stoplight on South 6th Street.

Imagine: same scenario. Except different street. Jake has a different car. (A Saturn something-or-another) This time the Neon is carrying extra weight: Max Kuehn.

I look to my right. Jake and I lock eyes--and begin revvvving our engines. The light...turns green.

10 MPH...20MPH...30MPH...the two cars are neck-in-neck! Suddenly, as if propelled by sheer will, Allah, prayer, gasoline, oil, Italy, and the entire Mustache Nation alone, the Neon jumps to--50 MPH! Jacob became a speck in the distance. To add insult to injury, all Jake had to show for his depressing performance was a trail of black smoke from his exhaust pipe 1/4 mile long.

Jake, I have that awkward band-love for you, but seriously, the Neon just SMOKED you! I don't have any quality rear-end pictures of the Neon, but I can assure you (from Jake's standpoint) he saw something like this.

(Get it? No, really? All he saw...the BACK...of...my car! HAHAHA. Should I explain why that's funny?)

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At 11:00 PM, May 30, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

Very dramatic use of elipses. My favorite was "The light...turned green."

Kubas, I figured out what we should do with your neon: drop it out of a plane.

At 11:06 PM, May 30, 2006, Blogger Jake said...

wow wow wow...time for some clarification.

First off, there was no drag race on Easter. I did meet him at a stoplight however there was a policeman a couple blocks behind looking for speeders so I didn't even try (although, the Neon could have easily taken that car in a drag race).

Second, we did race down College Drive once from the high school and I completely wasted the Neon with the Geo Prizm. Yeah, we were going over 80 down college drive, but hey, I won.

Third, the race after the band banquet was first to Max's house. Despite the fact that Kubas completely blew through 2 stop signs I beat him to Max's house thanks to my amazing navigation skills.

However, we must give credit where credit is due. In the actual drag race down South 6th Street the Neon beat my Saturn. However, we must keep in mind my Saturn burns a quart of oil every 150 miles (a quart every 1000 miles is considered pretty bad) and it really had no chance. Yeah I could have popped the cluth and stood a chance but that Neon is pretty much amazing. But, long distance I think I would win because of your random driving.

Kubas, I have more cars ready to race you...Until then I consider myself the champion of the longer distance races, and you the champion of drag racing...

At 10:38 PM, June 01, 2006, Blogger bundy said...

good story kubas, but you happened to leave out your almost-instant-death-by-cemetery drag race at baxter - tisk tisk.


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