Friday, April 07, 2006

Sour Grapes

I'm supposed to be setting up for prom right now. I just had to be in Junior Class Cabinet, didn't I? Luckily I'm free-spirited enough to ditch out for a while and post.

Honestly, I hope it all falls apart, and not just so the girls who have based their entire existence on the perfection of this one night have emotional breakdowns. It may just be because, due to poor timing and lack of nerve, I am going stag (read: loooooosssser), and am therefore prejudiced against all those who have succesfully "coupled." But it may be because this prom just seems so ready to fail.

Everything is so precariously balanced, ready to fall apart at the slightest provocation. The arches are buckling due to overuse of duct tape, and the big moon sways like a skyscraper in a typhoon. Our theme, by the way, is "By The Light Of The Moon," which explains why acres of extremely flammable-looking tissue paper, covered in stars, have been stretched over every available surface. If someone lights up in the gym, this whole thing could get very "Carrie" very quickly.

Next year's prom theme:
  • Stalingrad, 1944 (mortar craters, war sound effects, bleeding sophs strewn about)
  • Star Wars/Star Trek (same difference)
  • Inside A Whale (cover the gym in pink tissue paper, perfume with buckets of rotting fish)
  • The Making Of Prom (order generic prom props, set them up halfway, leave the lights on)
  • Mad Max (two words: Assless chaps)

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At 1:44 PM, April 07, 2006, Blogger Jesus Christ said...

Were it not for your government's separation of Church and State, I would recommend a Prom theme based upon my life and works. As Prom is a festivity, the focal points would be those of my miracles. My body, bleeding and dying upon the cross, might not seem appropriate as soon-to-be-intoxicated teenagers dance to "Hot in Herre."

The Lord hath spoken.

At 1:53 PM, April 07, 2006, Blogger Houley said...

Word on the street is that the humongous amounts amounts of relective paper used on the floor make it quite easy to see up girls' dresses.

This is gonna be the best prom EVER.

At 2:58 PM, April 07, 2006, Blogger mayah said...

hahahahhahahhahaahhahahahahhahhaha i'm laughing so hard. hahahahhaha. well done, maxwell.

we had some great idea on the tennis bus once... some ridiculous rap song (can't remember, therefore this story sucks) and the grand march would be a street corner, a la "workin the corner." we laughed a lot.

At 7:05 PM, April 07, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

Man, this is like the 8th time Jesus has posted on our blog.

Does this make our blog "holy"?

At 1:51 AM, April 08, 2006, Blogger CoachDub said...

Has anyone ever seen chaps that weren't assless? I think that by definititon, chaps are assless.

At 9:33 AM, April 08, 2006, Blogger Johnny V said...

The mirror flooring is classy.

At 9:16 AM, April 09, 2006, Blogger graham said...

i have assed chaps. also, really lame going to the prom alone, man. can't you like, go with one of your guy friends? haven't you heard the song "i wish i was queer so i could get chicks"? chicks dig it man. they dig the gays. or so i hear.


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