Lyncoln, Lyncoln, Burning Bright...

Further proof of how great the Lincoln is:


Today, I was looking for a way to test the Lincoln's stealth capabilities. In an ingenious brainstorm, I thought to leave the Lincoln on when I parked at work.

It was not until nearly the end of my four hour shift that some particularly observant waitron noticed and told me about it. Clearly, all the other employees were unable to discern the sound of the Lincoln running, thanks to its unbelievably quiet idle noise. Anyone who did hear it must have assumed that a wild tigress had decided to take a nap under the hood, and the low rumble from within was merely her silky smooth purr of contentment. Really, metaphorically speaking, there is a sort of tiger under the hood of the Lincoln; its majestic, powerful V-8 engine has been favorable compared to a secretive jungle cat.

This little exercise also served to demonstrate the Lincoln's prodigious gas burning abilities. It managed to burn off nearly a quarter tank of gasoline; not half bad for a few hours of idling. Remember: every time you waste a gallon of gas, a hippie shaves his beard.