Saturday, March 10, 2007


I was recently called down to the Brainonian room for a mysterious picture of some kind. The photographer, a master of dissembly, prevaricated his way around actually saying what the picture was for. Some snooping has revelaed that I probably won some senior poll thing. I hope it was quickest wit and not something lame, like most opinionated. And don't even try to construe that as a dig on you, Tay, because you know most opinionated is a relatively weaksauce award.

I'm hoping for quickest wit. I had a pair of bon mots today which I just have to share with the world:

1. (Sam and I are walking out of German class when we notice a poster which says "Deaf History Month")
Sam: "Deaf History Month." Man, fuck the deaf. (note: sam may or may not have actually said this, but it was clearly implied by his deadbeat tone and scowl of utter digust.)
Max: Jeese, Sam, don't let them hear you say that!

2. (My mom, my aunt and I are sitting at the kitchen table)
Mom: I found some dust bunnies the size of small sheep in my pantry the other day.
Aunt: We call those "Dust Buffalo"
Max: Yeah, and we call small sheep "lambs."

I had a couple more good burns on Sam, one at Diamond House of which all I can recall is the post-burn fist pump, and another when Sam was talking about he didn't mind the goiter/testicular cancer portion of a physical.

P.S.: I was gonna go to the 9:50 show of 300 tonight, but when I arrived at 9:30, it had already sold out.

What the hell, Brainerd? When did you get so fucking hip? You're gonna sell out a fuckin' 9:50 showing of a hyper-violent Frank Miller graphic novel movie? That's not what you're supposed to do! You're supposed to The Astronaut Farmer (if old), Music & Lyrics (if a girl), The Number 23 (if stupid), or Ghostrider (if a sex-crazed 14-year-old boy)! Not 300! The 9:50 show of 300 should contain a total of 12 customers, maybe 15 if a few homeless guys sneak in; in any case, certainly not a goddamned sell-out crowd! Fuck!

Oh well, I guess there's always tommorow night.

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At 8:21 AM, March 10, 2007, Blogger Kara said...

I really hope by "snooping" you mean "it occurred to you there is no other reason why they wouldn't tell you."

And yeah, I had one of those random pictures too earlier in the week.

At 10:59 AM, March 10, 2007, Blogger PanzerV said...

I know exactly why they called you (by you, I mean Max)there.
I did some serious investigation myself.

At 11:32 AM, March 10, 2007, Blogger gregariousmime said...

*chuckles darkly*

At 11:59 AM, March 10, 2007, Blogger mayah said...

for the record, i got most opinionated. i lost best car by just a few paltry votes though, so that makes me feel better about myself. and i don't understand the lamb joke.

At 1:21 PM, March 10, 2007, Blogger PanzerV said...

You'd probably know, wouldn't you Sara?

At 2:26 PM, March 10, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Because lambs are baby sheep, and baby sheep tend to be smaller than grown-up sheep.

At 2:27 PM, March 10, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

And man, no one caught my sweet title pun.

Or they did and they're so disgusted by it that they aren't saying anything.

At 2:41 PM, March 10, 2007, Blogger royalewithcheese_ said...

300 was one of the most sweetest films I've ever seen just because of the badass factor and all the gratuitous killing.

At 2:51 PM, March 10, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Goddamnit jordan

now if I don't get in tonight I'll be crushed

At 5:53 PM, March 10, 2007, Blogger CoachDub said...

Person 1: "Prince and L'il Kim are both very small people."

Max: "We call small people 'children.'"

Or conversely, if I want to indicate that a child is large for his age, how can I, since a "large child" would be called an adult?

The point: Don't taint the good name of bon mot, Max.

At 10:39 AM, March 11, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Dub, bon mot has to worry about tainting the good name of Max Kuehn


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