Re-Post
I was recently called down to the Brainonian room for a mysterious picture of some kind. The photographer, a master of dissembly, prevaricated his way around actually saying what the picture was for. Some snooping has revelaed that I probably won some senior poll thing. I hope it was quickest wit and not something lame, like most opinionated. And don't even try to construe that as a dig on you, Tay, because you know most opinionated is a relatively weaksauce award.
I'm hoping for quickest wit. I had a pair of bon mots today which I just have to share with the world:
1. (Sam and I are walking out of German class when we notice a poster which says "Deaf History Month")
Sam: "Deaf History Month." Man, fuck the deaf. (note: sam may or may not have actually said this, but it was clearly implied by his deadbeat tone and scowl of utter digust.)
Max: Jeese, Sam, don't let them hear you say that!
2. (My mom, my aunt and I are sitting at the kitchen table)
Mom: I found some dust bunnies the size of small sheep in my pantry the other day.
Aunt: We call those "Dust Buffalo"
Max: Yeah, and we call small sheep "lambs."
I had a couple more good burns on Sam, one at Diamond House of which all I can recall is the post-burn fist pump, and another when Sam was talking about he didn't mind the goiter/testicular cancer portion of a physical.
P.S.: I was gonna go to the 9:50 show of 300 tonight, but when I arrived at 9:30, it had already sold out.
What the hell, Brainerd? When did you get so fucking hip? You're gonna sell out a fuckin' 9:50 showing of a hyper-violent Frank Miller graphic novel movie? That's not what you're supposed to do! You're supposed to The Astronaut Farmer (if old), Music & Lyrics (if a girl), The Number 23 (if stupid), or Ghostrider (if a sex-crazed 14-year-old boy)! Not 300! The 9:50 show of 300 should contain a total of 12 customers, maybe 15 if a few homeless guys sneak in; in any case, certainly not a goddamned sell-out crowd! Fuck!
Oh well, I guess there's always tommorow night.
posted by constant_k @ 1:16 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
I really hope by "snooping" you mean "it occurred to you there is no other reason why they wouldn't tell you."
And yeah, I had one of those random pictures too earlier in the week.
I know exactly why they called you (by you, I mean Max)there.
I did some serious investigation myself.
*chuckles darkly*
for the record, i got most opinionated. i lost best car by just a few paltry votes though, so that makes me feel better about myself. and i don't understand the lamb joke.
You'd probably know, wouldn't you Sara?
Because lambs are baby sheep, and baby sheep tend to be smaller than grown-up sheep.
And man, no one caught my sweet title pun.
Or they did and they're so disgusted by it that they aren't saying anything.
Goddamnit jordan
now if I don't get in tonight I'll be crushed
Person 1: "Prince and L'il Kim are both very small people."
Max: "We call small people 'children.'"
Or conversely, if I want to indicate that a child is large for his age, how can I, since a "large child" would be called an adult?
The point: Don't taint the good name of bon mot, Max.
Dub, bon mot has to worry about tainting the good name of Max Kuehn
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