Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Ice In My Teeth Keeps The Cristal Cold

Three items today, presented here in order of importance.

1. From KB practice today:
Pritschet: The last words of this arctic explorer were found in a journal... (Sam and I buzz in first)
Sam: Well, there's always this guy (writes down "Shackleton")
Max: Sam I really don't think it's Shackleton
Sam: I know, it's just that Shackleton was a huge badass
Max: Yeah...(4 second pause)...Yeah, Shackleton was a total badass.
Sam: Fuckin Shackleton.
Max: Fuckin...Shackleton.
Pritschet: Answer please?
Max: Roald Amudson?
Pritschet: That's incorrect.

2. Big Koeping W/ Government action today. I'm sure you all made sure to tune in, or at least listened in telepathically, so I'll just describe it so you can all relive the magic.

The teams:
In the blue corner....weighing in at a combined 345 pounds...with a combined height of 11' 7''....those livid lions of liberalism....the bleeding hearted who get things started....Looogan Mohs and Maaaaaxxx Kuehn!

And for the conservitives we had Catherine Lepel and Carl Robson (a soft-spoken, derby-ish junior), which is better than the conservitive delegation that past few times, which has been nobody. Honestly, we haven't had a good, solid, outspoken, crazy conservitive since Garret Owens and Parker Keinholz (sp?). I mean, Mike Rammsdale was good, solid, outspoken, and crazy, but really not that conservitive.

The Reppies serve an important purpose: they articulate the opinions of about 3/4 of the people listening, thus soothing the angry family-values masses and preventing them from calling in to bitch about kids these days and eat up precious airtime that could otherwise be utilized for further liberal propogandizing. Sure we have to listen to them talk every once in a while, but we come out ahead, trust me.

But seriously folks: Catherine was publically mystified as to why anyone could possibly not follow what she considers "human values" and the rest of us call "catholic values," Carl waffled like Mrs. Butterworth, and Logan played the thoughtful, passionate liberal crusader. I knew that there is such a thing as too much earnestness (if you don't believe me, try watching "Ernest Scared Stupid" and "Ernest Goes To Camp" back to back), so I decided to go for the whacky uncle vibe, but I think I came off as more semi-bitter hipster. Good times.

Mary was her usual slippery-slope, devil's advocating self, the station owner was gruff and understandably self-promotional, and the receptionist was unexpectedly slender, elegant, and well-dressed. I'm not sure why she seemed out of place; I guess I was just suprised to see such a pretty young woman out of high school and still living in Brainerd.

Best line: While discussing the smoking ban--"Well, I don't smoke and I don't hang out in a lot of bars...yet." Got a laugh from Jeff Prior on that one.

Also, from Logan, while discussing the morality of stem cells: "If I have to choose between you, Mary, and a frozen embryo in a test tube, I'm gonna smash that goddamn test tube on the motherfucking floor." He didn't actually swear on air, but you could tell he wanted to.

3. So my parents made me do the dishes, and I could tell that they were planning on hanging around and getting in the way of my rock out time. What I needed was some appropriately offensive music to drive them away. My mom likes Kanye West, my dad would be into Venus and Mars, and I wasn't up for 2Pac, so I kept looking. Then, I came upon the solution: Showstoppers--The Album. I popped that baby in, pushed play, and watched the parent problem clear itself up to the tune of "I Wanna Know What Love Is."

Two conclusions drawn from listening to Showstoppers--The Album:
A. It is, unfortunately, an overall better album than the Manly Mixtape. This is due almost entirely to the fact that Showstoppers included White Houses and that hilarious O-Town song (with the "knock knock" action? priceless), thus preventing Kurt from including them in the Manly Mixtape.
B. There are plenty of sweet rap songs, or at least lyrics, about shooting dudes, and beating dudes up, but very few for stabbing dudes. What's up with that? Can anybody think of any sweet stabbing lyrics I'm forgetting here?

P.S.: I had a really misogynistic remark in here that I removed because it was so mean. Aren't you proud of me?

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At 10:19 PM, March 07, 2007, Blogger Tay said...

out of curiosity, and just to be blatantly obvious, it was shackleton, right?

At 10:49 PM, March 07, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Nope, it was Robert Falcon Scott

Man falcon is a great middle name.

At 10:59 PM, March 07, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

Robert Falcon Scott should not be confused with Robert Peary, the first man to reach the north pole.

Nor should he be confused with Roald Amudson, the fellow who A. beat Scott to the south pole and B. survived to tell the tale in person, unlike Scott.

At 11:18 PM, March 07, 2007, Blogger hannah said...

my favorite moment at koeping with politics (the one time i did it):

mary: so, what are your opinions on (subject that i wasn't even remotely acquainted with)?

carmen: well, while i'm not that informed, from what i have heard (really smart liberal opnion).

mary: and how about you, hannah?

hannah: i'm also not informed, but judging by what carmen said, i'm just going to go ahead and disagree.

At 12:47 AM, March 08, 2007, Blogger Houley said...

proud? try disappointed.

At 12:47 AM, March 08, 2007, Blogger Houley said...

my favorite koeping with government moment was suggesting that we make murder legal, safe, and rare, and having mary koep almost have a heart attack on me before realizing that i was actually agreeing with her.

At 10:06 AM, March 08, 2007, Blogger mayah said...

hahahahh hannah that was one great moment. carm and i bonded over that whole experience...

max, it's conservAtive. and what was your misogynistic comment?

At 11:24 AM, March 08, 2007, Blogger Josh said...

my favorite koeping with gvmt is when i was talking about how hamas was just misunderstood. and then sarahs all "hamas is a difficult guy to deal with" or whatever.

also that girl is rachel converse, she was in tv pro

At 12:35 PM, March 08, 2007, Blogger matt said...

max, upload that soundtrack

At 5:16 PM, March 08, 2007, Blogger mayah said...

ohhhhhhhhhhh i know rachel. she is pretty. and quite slender. therefore, she thinks she's a model. plus, she dates jeff prior.

At 6:40 PM, March 08, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

jeff prior: model hound

Man, the phrase "model hound" should really be used more often.

Hannah: I still remember when, during the discussion of prison conditions, you described them as "cush cush." Aw yeah.

At 6:43 PM, March 08, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...


Houle: yeah i just realized I forgot to put "Aren't you proud of/disappointed in me?

And okay, here it is:
right after this part--
"I guess I was just suprised to see such a pretty young woman out of high school and still living in Brainerd."--
I had this
"But I suppose I'm being prejudiced. Maybe she's just really dumb."

At 6:44 PM, March 08, 2007, Blogger constant_k said...

matt: I'll try I guess. Gotta get it into digital form first, all I have right now is a tape my dad made off the radio broadcast.

At 5:45 PM, March 12, 2007, Blogger Kelsi said...

Koep once asked about the Vikings boat scandal...11th grade. She specifically asked Ali if she had an opinion and Ali said, "I don't have an opinion on the vikings because I don't care."

Or so I recall.

I'd kind of like doing Koeping with, I mean.


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