The Ice In My Teeth Keeps The Cristal Cold

Three items today, presented here in order of importance.

1. From KB practice today:
Pritschet: The last words of this arctic explorer were found in a journal... (Sam and I buzz in first)
Sam: Well, there's always this guy (writes down "Shackleton")
Max: Sam I really don't think it's Shackleton
Sam: I know, it's just that Shackleton was a huge badass
Max: Yeah...(4 second pause)...Yeah, Shackleton was a total badass.
Sam: Fuckin Shackleton.
Max: Fuckin...Shackleton.
(beep)
Pritschet: Answer please?
Max: Roald Amudson?
Pritschet: That's incorrect.


2. Big Koeping W/ Government action today. I'm sure you all made sure to tune in, or at least listened in telepathically, so I'll just describe it so you can all relive the magic.

The teams:
In the blue corner....weighing in at a combined 345 pounds...with a combined height of 11' 7''....those livid lions of liberalism....the bleeding hearted who get things started....Looogan Mohs and Maaaaaxxx Kuehn!

And for the conservitives we had Catherine Lepel and Carl Robson (a soft-spoken, derby-ish junior), which is better than the conservitive delegation that past few times, which has been nobody. Honestly, we haven't had a good, solid, outspoken, crazy conservitive since Garret Owens and Parker Keinholz (sp?). I mean, Mike Rammsdale was good, solid, outspoken, and crazy, but really not that conservitive.

The Reppies serve an important purpose: they articulate the opinions of about 3/4 of the people listening, thus soothing the angry family-values masses and preventing them from calling in to bitch about kids these days and eat up precious airtime that could otherwise be utilized for further liberal propogandizing. Sure we have to listen to them talk every once in a while, but we come out ahead, trust me.

But seriously folks: Catherine was publically mystified as to why anyone could possibly not follow what she considers "human values" and the rest of us call "catholic values," Carl waffled like Mrs. Butterworth, and Logan played the thoughtful, passionate liberal crusader. I knew that there is such a thing as too much earnestness (if you don't believe me, try watching "Ernest Scared Stupid" and "Ernest Goes To Camp" back to back), so I decided to go for the whacky uncle vibe, but I think I came off as more semi-bitter hipster. Good times.

Mary was her usual slippery-slope, devil's advocating self, the station owner was gruff and understandably self-promotional, and the receptionist was unexpectedly slender, elegant, and well-dressed. I'm not sure why she seemed out of place; I guess I was just suprised to see such a pretty young woman out of high school and still living in Brainerd.

Best line: While discussing the smoking ban--"Well, I don't smoke and I don't hang out in a lot of bars...yet." Got a laugh from Jeff Prior on that one.

Also, from Logan, while discussing the morality of stem cells: "If I have to choose between you, Mary, and a frozen embryo in a test tube, I'm gonna smash that goddamn test tube on the motherfucking floor." He didn't actually swear on air, but you could tell he wanted to.


3. So my parents made me do the dishes, and I could tell that they were planning on hanging around and getting in the way of my rock out time. What I needed was some appropriately offensive music to drive them away. My mom likes Kanye West, my dad would be into Venus and Mars, and I wasn't up for 2Pac, so I kept looking. Then, I came upon the solution: Showstoppers--The Album. I popped that baby in, pushed play, and watched the parent problem clear itself up to the tune of "I Wanna Know What Love Is."

Two conclusions drawn from listening to Showstoppers--The Album:
A. It is, unfortunately, an overall better album than the Manly Mixtape. This is due almost entirely to the fact that Showstoppers included White Houses and that hilarious O-Town song (with the "knock knock" action? priceless), thus preventing Kurt from including them in the Manly Mixtape.
B. There are plenty of sweet rap songs, or at least lyrics, about shooting dudes, and beating dudes up, but very few for stabbing dudes. What's up with that? Can anybody think of any sweet stabbing lyrics I'm forgetting here?

P.S.: I had a really misogynistic remark in here that I removed because it was so mean. Aren't you proud of me?