Pain Don't Hurt

Road House is an unparalleled cinematic achievement. I'm sure I've raved about Road House on here before, but I just watched it again and I've gotta say: it keeps getting better.

12 second summary: Patrick Swayze is Dalton, the best bouncer in the business, and he's been hired to clean up the Double Duece, a notoriously nasty nightspot. But when he gets on the wrong side of local crime boss Brad Wesely, Dalton soon finds that the drunks at the club are the least of his worries.

I was enjoying it so much as I watched that I decided to do this post during the screening. As watching dudes' throats get torn out tends to wipe my memory banks pretty clean of anything other than the throat tearing action, I took a few notes. I noticed that my observations almost all rounded out nicely into groups of three. I took it as a sign.

A sign of what? I'll leave that question to the philosophers. Let's get rockin'.

How you can tell,from just the DVD case, that you're about to watch a really great film

1. The director's name is Rowdy.

2. The reviews on the case describe the movie as "a violent, tough-guy thriller" and "True entertainment. Corrupt. Sexy. Violent."

3. This picture is on said case.

Great lines I've never noticed before, despite my having watched this movie an almost shameful number of times (that number being about 7 or so, I'd wager)

1. The main goon, while tangling with the Swayz, says "I used to fuck guys like you in prison." Remind me to use that one next time I'm fighting a shirtless, five-foot-five killing machine...to the death...on a beach...while wearing all denim.

2. At the Double Deuce, a big creepy guy invites a listless drunk to kiss a woman's breasts for the low, low price of $20 (That's just $10 a can!). The drunk begins to grope the woman, and the big creep says "Well? What are you waiting for? Why don't you kiss 'em?" The drunk replies "Because I don't have $20." Then the creep punches him and all hell breaks loose.

3. Waitress to Dalton on his first night: "Don't worry about [Big hairy jerkoff whose name I forget]. He was born an asshole; he just got bigger."

Connections to other great films

1. Ace Ventura, Pet Detective: The bad guys have a fuckin MONSTER TRUCK, which they of course utilize to grand effect.

2. The Big Lebowski: Ben Gazzara, better known as Jackie Treehorn, plays a similarily slimy, if slightly more homicidal, villain in Brad Wesely, and Sam "The Stranger" Eliot shows up as Swayze's grizzled mentor.

3. Ghost, Dirty Dancing, Point Break, Red Dawn, The Fox and the Hound 2, and countless others: it stars the one, the only, Patick Swayze.



One final footnote: Tonight, for the first time, I noticed that Ernie, the bartender at the DD, was none other than the great Keith David in an early role.I recognized him from numerous small parts in big movies, and a recurring role on E.R., but a visit to the Internet Movie Database revealed a much more impressive credit which I'm suprised I've missed before now: Mr. David is the voice of the Arbiter from Halo 2.
Now that's what I call street cred.