What A Hell Of A Way To Goddamn Wake Up

My proposal for BHS prom in future years:
We will have two separate proms. One will take place in the gym and feature danceable music with a reasonable number of slow dances. The other prom will be attended by all of the hayseeds, yokels, and jack-pine savages (as determined by an impartial judge--yes, me). It will take place in the parking lot. Every year the theme will be the same: barn-dance hoe-down. There will be a live fiddle n' washboard band and ample haybales on which to sit while drinking a wide variety of ciders, both spiced and regular. Lighting will be provided by dozens of pick-up trucks with their brights on. The whole set-up will be financed by the proceeds from an elaborate acorn-whiskey moonshine operation.

Next year's theme: Bread Party. The tunnel will be a series of bagels sticking out of the floor. Slices of bread will adorn the walls. The grand march backdrop will be a great, steaming loaf of genuine, good old-fashioned bread.

If I ever see Tyrone Blue (The DJ) again, his new name will be Tyrone Black&Blue. He looked like a cross between Lucius Malfoy and the villain in Ghostbusters II, and I didn't care for his choice in music, either.