Wednesday, April 19, 2006

you sly fox!

Many of you may have witnessed my impressive driving techniques. For those who aren't familiar, let's just say the term "inexperienced teenage driver" suits me well.

So, with this sentiment in mind, you're probably not surprised to learn that today (apparently) I was the sole cause of a 3 car pile up. And by "pile up" I mean 3 cars behind me all rear-ended each other in little-to-no damage accidents.

The light on Co. Rd. 48 was red with about 12 cars all waiting for it to turn green. After many hours of waiting, the light switched and us good ol' drivers began transitioning forward at a slow pace. Of course, being born with a lead foot can cause one to push on the gas rather quickly. Why go 5 M.P.H. when you can go 20? While I was rapidly approaching the car ahead of me, I realized, "hey. this is bad." So, I began to brake. Because I am a "skilled" teenage driver, I didn't hit the car in front of me. However, the lovely young lady behind me (who happens to be a friend of my sister) had to brake a bit more quickly. Immediately I heard this disgusting thump sound. The girl was rear-ended. And shortly after that, a disticnt crunch sound. The person behind her was rear-ended. All thanks to me!

Technically, nothing was my fault. So I high-tailed it out of there in no time at all.

Believe it or not, this is not the worst accident I have caused in my life. Once known only to Carmen Cummings herself, I am now going public with my Salt Lake City incident. 2 years back, I was in the great Mormon City for speech. Our hotel was right next to a big, bustling road. It was a 6-laner: 3 one direction and 3 lanes the other. Mrs. Cummings (my coach) dropped me off at the side of a slower road...it was easier for her to enjoy some shopping action. I had to cross the 6-laner in order to get to my hotel. Sure, there was a crosswalk, but I'm Andrew Kubas--I live on my OWN terms.

-----In the midst of the 6-laner was a median rougly 8 inches off the ground and barely a foot wide. -----

As soon as I exited the car, there was no traffic! I thought I could make a run to the hotel completely avoiding the crosswalk. I scattered past the first 3 lanes with ease, but much to my dismay, traffic from the other 3 lanes intensified! I was stuck on the median. Shortly afterwards cars began passing me on both sides, at quick speeds, and my life standing on the median was flashing before my eyes.

I tried to make a get-away and accidentally cut off 2 cars. The first man slammed on his brakes and was appropriately rear-ended. The third car in line swerved to the right to avoid a 3rd rear-end-collision, but swerved into the side of a parked car. 4 cars with extensive damage. And what did I do?

I ran like the wind. Now that I have admitted to my fugitive status, I am open to any punishment by the Mormonville Police. Take me away...

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5 Comments:

At 9:39 PM, April 19, 2006, Blogger 3_the_hard_way said...

John Stockton and Karl Malone are very very dissapointed. (the only other time when Karl Malone was sad was when he did not get his Beanie Babies)

 
At 11:08 PM, April 19, 2006, Blogger Houley said...

Kubas, I was laughing so hard when I read this story...

So there was just this big accident in front of the hotel and nobody ever cared to look for the perp?

 
At 8:15 AM, April 20, 2006, Blogger Kaila said...

remeber the time you tried to kill me(well us) on the way to judge a speech meet?

 
At 10:40 AM, April 20, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

oh man. i forgot about that one.

you'd think my driving skills would improve in 22 months or so, but i guess not.

houley: i ran faster than james strand on steroids. i'm guessing they thought i was raptured...

 
At 9:48 PM, April 20, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

I didn't know rapture caused super-speed. I want to be raptured now...

and I think the "on steroids" part goes without saying.

 

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