Tuesday, May 23, 2006


ok, sorry fellas, it's been a while since i've contributed, but i feel the need to tell you all something about max kuehn. it would be impossible to capture the mood and atmosphere of the situation in mere writing, but i'll make an attempt because i owe it to the world. first, a little background info. We were all at the Holbrooks' estate, for a nice, final evening we call the tennis get-together. there was food, some awards, volleyball....and DEATH. reader disrection is advised as you'll see a side of max you've NEVER seen before. as you may have read, i've appointed him as enforcer of the tennis team next year, because of this sole act of wanton punishment (in a good way, of course) -

"AAAEEEIGHEIEIHG," out of the hot, soggy afternoon breeze comes a bone-chilling plea for help. a little freshmen rolls serenely off the Holbrooks' dock into the brisk water with a plump. a group of tennis players rejoice not far away on the beach.

"SSSTTTOOOOPPPPP!!!!" out of the hotter, soggier evening breeze comes a frantic, dare i say girlish squeal for assistance. a larger freshmen rolls off the dock in the considerably cooler water with a splash. a larger group of tennis players rejoice.

"...silence." Not a soul dares breathe, in the suspense of the third lake-dropping of the evening. In the aftermath, a weary, depressed freshmen stands up from the lake, dripping with water - nay, dripping with fear. AND THEN THERE WAS MAX. A ballistic missile of pain and anguish sporting glasses careens off the shore into the water. we could all smell the fear of the freshmen. we could TASTE the fear of the freshmen. and then it was all over. A picture-perfect tackling job worthy of ray lewis sends this poor, pathetic freshmen back into the water for another dip. the kamakazi stands up from the water slowly, dramatically(rambo eat your heart out), with what could only be nc-17 rated satisfaction playing across his person; his arms raising the roof, a battle cry sputtering from his hungry lips. only one man could be so cold, so utterly DEVIOUS.

AND THEN THERE WAS THE ENFORCER. my choice as enforcer for the next tennis season is obvious. i had never seen such heart, such DESIRE in a man's eyes. and believe me, this freshmen was PISSED. but max, hold your head up high, you did the right thing, and he'll forget about it. we all took our shots as freshmen. so, with no further ado, Max, i must give you congrats on your new position. i trust you will treat it with the care and respect the enforcer must. i also must ask that you apoint kubas to second enforcer. it makes me sick to think of you two in action next year; it makes me sick in the way i've never been sick before. it makes me even more sick to think of what terror you guys will instill in the hearts of underclassmen everywhere when we bust out "Uncle Bundy's Jungle Juice" for the both of you ('roids, obviously). good luck, and good night.

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At 10:33 PM, May 24, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

Oh Bundy, thanks a bunch.

Yeah, Henningson was PISSED afterwards. I considered making nice, but then I thought "Hey, he's a freshman. He should be happy to get tossed in the lake by older kids. It's not like I punched him. He can deal with it."


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