...lives in kubas' closet.

(to all of the stalkers, pedophiles, rapists, afro-lovers, and overall creepishly-obsessed fans of andrew kubas)

for those of you who don't know, i live in comstock hall. (now you can find me.) and, well, the food here isn't the best.

my neighbor "across the way" (otherwise known as the hall) is named ben. him and i are both freshman and we have a theory: comstock food tears you apart...in many ways. upon arriving on campus it seems like i have encountered a pattern: eat, go to class, in the middle of class experience immense stomach ache, after class proceed to lose 7 pounds. (ok, maybe the 7 pounds is a bit exaggerated, but you get the idea)

i would like to point out that there is a differnce among "being regular" and "eating comstock food." being regular implies that i take metamucil or benefiber or just eat my weight in bananas each day. eating comstock food is quite different. it probably takes care of the "freshman fifteen" in and of itself: you eat (for example) a bagel and...presto! a perfectly round, fresh, delicious bagel comes sliding out of your anal orifice. it's as though the digestion process is null and void: who needs it?

while reflecting on what i have written i realize that i may have offended a few readers based upon this "bathroom related" post. i just want to say that pooping is perfectly manly. but eating comstock food just isn't.

reporting live from the third floor...

mustache out!