the end is near

first: i never get sick. so, being that i've been under the weather for 3 straight days, i know this is a sign straight from God that this is the end of my life.

so, i have (appropriately) decided to make a will. enjoy.

1.) the infamous #60 jersey should be sold on eBay, with the profits being split between our two respected charities of the month.

2.) the scratched up lenny (aka the pink neon) should be auctioned off with profits divided between the entire mustache team. (once you realize a quarter doesn't divide between 9 players evenly, you should just give the money to the friendly Italians)

3.) Tom Day: it would do me the greatest honor if Sophie (your dog) had Rupert's children. that's right--Rupert is shattered in a thousand pieces somewhere in our woods--but you know what to do--just create some new kind of "special." (i'm sure it goes against every bioethics council on the globe, but who cares)

4.) all hair should be donated to our "mustaches for tots" campaign.

5.) my eyes must go to stevie wonder.

6.) the monstars receive all rights to the muslim magic name

Well, that's pretty much everything i own. it's beautiful to know that Rupert might have offspring after all!

Dio ti benedica, Italia!
(God bless you, Italy!)