Saturday, August 26, 2006

maybe you should stay with me

Ladies and Gentlemen,

As we approach the midterm elections, I am sure you are aware that many states/parties either have...or will be participating in their primaries. As one of the founders of The Bread Party, I believe it is time to "rise up" and get a jumpstart on starting with 2006.

The Bread Party has "crumbled" down a list of thousands of "manly mustaches" and worthy candidates to just 6. We will be proceeding as follows:

We will partake in a "running primary" lasting through Saturday, September 2nd. Voting will be open to all registerd Bread Partiers. (You can cast your vote[s] by clicking on our newest poll on the sidebar) You will vote only for the 6 candidates on the ballot. Once the votes are tabulated, this will occur:

The individual to receive the most votes will be nominated as The Bread Party's Presidential candidate in 2008.

The individual who attains the 2nd most votes will run as the Vice Presidential candidate in 2008.

The individual receiving the 3rd most votes will become the endorsed Gubernatorial candidate for our great state of Minnesota.

The individual that takes fourth in these Primary elections will be our endorsed Senatorial candidate for Minnesota.

The two individuals with the lowest tally of votes will be abolished from The Bread Party forever.

Basically, there is a lot at stake in these Primary elections. So...let's introduce you to the candidates.

First on the ballot: Dr. Z.

He has become quite popular lately with the advertising of Dodge/Chrysler. What's not to love? You have the handlebar mustache, a staunch German accent, and his very own website. (Just try typing "mustache" into google images--see how high up he is on the list!)

Next up: The highly anticipated Mr. Melby.

The man is a musical genius. He plays the breads unlike anyone I have ever heard. More importantly, he's a man of character and will lead our nation in the right direction.

Third person up for voting: Tom Selleck

Perhaps we're going old school...but just look at that mustache! If Reagan can go from movie star to the White House, then why can't Tom?

Your fourth voting option: Oprah Winfrey

I'm not sure if this picture was photoshopped...but if any woman could grow a mustache I'd place bets on her. She has a worldwide television program, her own magazine, and for some reason is quite popular among the female and African American voters. Can you say "leader of The Bread Party?"

You also have the option of voting for: Phil Olsen

If you have yet to check out his website, we highly encourage you to do so. He defines the rugged and unorthodox lifestyle which will all secretly desire to have. He's yet another worthy candidate.

The last hopeful is an outright legend: Bigfoot

He is, essentially, a walking mustache. (All cute and fuzzy) By the looks of it, he consumes a lot of bread and would be a great ambassador to people unfamiliar with our grainy goodness.

With that, the polls are now open. (If you are interested in the stance of The Bread Party on certain issues, please feel free to click here.)

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At 10:21 PM, August 25, 2006, Blogger the dain train said...

definately melby.

At 12:30 AM, August 26, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

melby is going to sweep this competition.

At 2:05 PM, August 26, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

hey, max,

i think you should break the news to senor melby. i'm too intimidated.

At 2:33 PM, August 26, 2006, Blogger The_Janitor said...

I'm voting for Phil Olsen, he is the only one to send me a personal email.


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