I Hate The Geek Squad

WOTF to people who think they’re the only ones who enjoy music.

Soundtrack for the biopic of my life (idea stolen almost entirely from Wanninger):

(Hackneyed and/or obvious selections with *)

Opening scene: Tiger Woods, Dan Bern
(Done at a full strut down a busy street at some important early juncture in my life. Listen to the song and you will understand entirely.)

Birth: Born At The Right Time, Paul Simon OR In The Ghetto, Elvis Presley*
(We’ll really need to see what happens before we make this call.)

Basketball showdown: Express Yourself, N.W.A.

Fight 1 (schoolyard): Sabotage, Beastie Boys
(Epic fight with a bully. Dust rising from the center of our scuffle quickly attracts a ring of viciously chanting third graders.)

Dance break 1: I Feel Good, James Brown
(We once played this song for pep band, and during the long pause at the end, Matt Blair yelled out “Hey!” like the Godfather of Soul himself. Damn.)

Time passing montage (ala Lion King): Once In A Lifetime, Talking Heads
(You know, the scene on the waterfall (during Hakuna Matata) where Simba changes from Jonathon Taylor Thomas to Matthew Broderick? Yeah, you know.)

Driving: Send Me On My Way, Rusted Root

Moment of self-doubt: Nobody’s Fault But My Own, Beck

Furious writing montage: Shadow Stabbing, Cake*
(Maybe a groundbreaking novel, maybe a rambling manifesto, maybe a Pulitzer winning article. Nobody knows.)

Dance break 2: My Name Is Prince, Prince
(My life requires a lot of dance breaks, okay?)

Fleeing falling objects from space: Space Junk, Devo
(I’m sure this will happen at some point in my life.)

Fight 2 (bar): Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting), Elton John*
(What’s up with gentle little Elton John making this kick-ass song? I’ll have to beat up some bikers or something to this tune.)

Unjustly imprisoned for crime I didn’t commit: Moonshadow, Cat Stevens
(Maybe murder, probably mail fraud.)

Prison life: What’s Happening Brother, Marvin Gaye

Breakout from maximum security facility: A-Team Theme, The A-Team
(The A-Team wrote and performed that song, right? Right.)

Falling in love: If It’s Magic, Stevie Wonder*

Losing in love: Jealous Guy, John Lennon

Regaining love: Handcuffs, Parliament Funkadelic

Fight 3 (airplane): Hit ‘Em High*
(Terrorists. Nuff said.)

Fight 4 (nursing home): Rudie Can’t Fail, The Clash
(Burly orderlies.)

Dance Break 3: B. O. B., Outkast
(I’ll move pretty good for an 80 year old.)

Death: Rock n’ Roll Suicide, David Bowie
(You’re not alone!)

Dance Break 4 (funeral): Tequila!, The Champs
(And they will dance into the credits.)

Closing credits: Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard, Paul Simon AND Why Don’t We Do It In The Road?, The Beatles
(We’ll go out with some class.)