Tuesday, July 18, 2006

If You Could Just Go Half Coke, Half Diet Coke

Remember in those old Loony Toons cartoons when a coyote or hunter would be outwitted by an clever desert bird or a long-legged rabbit, and in the 3 seconds before the boulder falls, or the bomb blows, or the air gives out beneath the foolish predator's feet, he would be metaphorically transformed into a donkey, often with the word "JACKASS" helpfully branded on his ample haunch? I had a moment like that today at work. Except there was no unaccounably wiley small game to blame it on. It was all me, baby.

A group of 11 people came in for dinner, and I checked my chart to make sure I knew where they were going. They were staying at the resort, so they were "cabin guests" and their table was noted with a cabin number. I noticed that there was a word written on the table too, so I assumed it was their name.
"Celiac, party of 11?" I asked.
"Um, well, that's our disease, so yeah..." replied one of the women.

I looked at my chart again and realized that "Celiac" was not their name, but rather the name of a genetic disease one of their party had.

Jesus Christ, what a smooth fucking move.
"Oh, Celiac, party of 11? Whoops, I'm sorry! That's not your name! It's a disease you have! You're welcome for the reminder, I'm sure you needed it! Oh, and you're also welcome for the new knowledge that yes, we do think of you in terms of your disorder! Have a great meal!"

I later found out that Celiac Disease is mostly a matter of gluten intolerance, which is a restaurant issue, so it's not so bad. But still: ouch.

P.S.: Looking through my parents' big CD shelf (where I once located an unopened copy of Credence Clearwater Revivals' greatest hits), I came across a massive two-disc set of The Essential Neil Diamond. I know what you're thinking; how could one possibly fit all of the Neil Diamond one needed onto a paltry two discs. Well, the creators did an excellent job in narrowing it down to a fit and trim 38 tracks. But seriously folks, it's nice to have Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon. And I can make way more Saving Silverman musical references now.

Kubas, do you listen to Neil Diamond. No offense, but you strike me as the kind of guy who might.

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At 8:00 AM, July 19, 2006, Blogger CoachDub said...

My fave Neil tunes: "Cherry, Cherry"; "Play Me"; "Forever in Blue Jeans"

At 2:05 PM, July 19, 2006, Blogger Houley said...

I'm the kind of guy who might listen to Neil Diamond.

"Thank the Lord for the Nighttime," "The Boat that I Row," and "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show" tend to top my list, as I really like his gospel-ish stuff, but if you ask my friends they'll associate me most closely with "Sweet Caroline."

AIDS, party of 8?

At 10:00 PM, July 19, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

nope, sadly, neil cannot be found once on my ipod.

for the longest time i thought he sang "rhinestone cowboy." guess not.


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