Thursday, June 07, 2007

All Things Dull And Ugly

I'm a pretty big fan of the show Heroes, a well-produced NBC drama about people who suddenly discover that they have supernormal abilities. They have some of your run-of-the-mill superpowers (superstrength, flight, telepathy), along with some more unique talents (radioactivity, absorbing the powers of others, stopping time.) It's kind of like X-Men without all the angst and no Wolverine.

Anyways, the reason I'm posting is because I got to thinking: there's no need for magic or even imagination for some really sweet abilities to exist--they're right in your own backyard! Well, on Earth, at least.

I never took A.P. Biology in high school, but I did read an assload of Ranger Rick as a kid. I learned two things from that raccoon in a hat: recycling will solve all the world's problems, and animals can do some cool things. With that in mind, I proudly present--

Animal Superpowers I Wish I Had

Photosynthesis--While I'd still like to be able to eat, I think that being able to skip meals and just sit in the sun instead would be very satisfying.

Echolocation--As the Animorphs learned in one of their many adventures, it's the only way to find your way through a darkened room filled with light-sensitive alarms and hundreds of trip wires.

Bioluminescence--Not all that useful, but still neat. Also, think of all the money I'd save on flashlight batteries. All out of juice on the ol' maglite? Well, why don't I light our path WITH THE PALM OF MY HAND.

Whale song--Whales can communicate over hundreds of miles of ocean with ultra-low frequency messages. I'd like to be able to stick my head into the sea and yell at some scuba divers off the coast of Italy.

Prehensile feet--No brainer. I can see myself now...calmly reading reports, wearing a suit and a tie, calling for coffee...all while hanging from my office ceiling by my toes.

Electric charge--Stacks of chemicals within the bodies of electric eels and other creatures act as batteries, building up charge which they use to stun or kill prey. I would use it for shocking handshakes.

Super-navigation--According to some scientists, migratory birds, homing pigeons, and lost dogs may find their way around based on the earth's magnetic field. It's like having GPS in your head!

What I'm saying is: magic is all around you. Go out and discover it!

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At 4:53 PM, June 13, 2007, Blogger gregariousmime said...

That was inspiring.


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