Take This Job And Love It

I know it's been a while since I rapped to ya, but the shits been raining down hard and I don't have a shit shovel big enough to shovel it all away. Most of my creative energies have been funnled into Gumshoe, the magazine Josh and Sam and Jason and John and David and I are running these days. You should CHECK IT OUT.



Work was kind of a mixed bag today. Allow me to summarize.

Cons: I got bitched out for failing to do some things I was never told to do, then I had to stay for an extra two hours, apparently out of spite.

Pros: I had a couple of sweet tables. I'm having a hard time deciding which one was better.

Table 1: A family of six, mom, dad, and four sons. They were from Lousiana, as I found out when they volunteered the information about 3 seconds after I said "Hello." They all had sweet southern accents, so I kind of accidentally fell into doing a little twang as well ("Dya want cream and suga with that?").

The kids all called me "Sir." The dad (a 300 pound man in a football jersey) alternated between chuckling at the kids' antics and offering up interesting Lousiana factoids ("You know how people from Michigan always hold up their hand and say [he points to his hand] 'We're from about here'? Well, people from Lousiana use their foot!") The mom alternated between threatening punishment and telling the kids to eat their bacon.

This family LOVED their bacon. One of the little boys sat down and said "I am gonna eat SO MUCH bacon!" in a big southern way. Everybody got a side of bacon, even the 2-year-old. One kid got an omlette with just bacon in it, with a side of bacon. The 2-year-old was chowing down on the bacon, so the mom asked me "He just loves it! Is this sugar-cured bacon?". I checked for her, and it totally was. Lady knew her bacon.

Table 2: A family of five, grandparents with a teen girl and twin 10 year old boys. The granny was picky, but the grandpa was cool, and kind of crazy and hunchbacked. All three of the kids said "Thank you" every 15 seconds whenever I was in earshot, regardless of what I was doing.

The little boys sat there and talked as loud and as fast as they could about interesting things, like why Earth spins, and how the moon was formed, and how Microsoft Vista is going to be a huge failure ("There's going to be piles of Vista in the streets, Grandma!"). I wanted to sit down and rap about astronomy with 'em.