Sunday, April 23, 2006

No, I'm Mocking The Disabled

The title is my snappy answer for anyone who asks "Did you hurt your ankle?" I used it on Leann Northway to great effect.

I've progressed from comical hopping to pathetic hobbling. My foot is still swollen up like a basketball, but this sprained ankle thing is really starting to pay off: my momma got me a cane. Look at this thing.


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I could brain somebody with this beast. It looks like it was carved from a goddamn mammoth tusk; it's all one piece with weird little angles and knots, and the tip is just rough, pointy wood. I plan to "leave my mark" on some school floors, if you catch my drift. And no, I'm NOT going to pee on anything.

I just hope Alan Hewitt doesn't see it; he'll take it away to use as a toothpick.

I hope somone challenges me to a fight in the next couple of days. I can hook ankles, twirl it around to fight off the closing ring of diamond smugglers, or use it to pull Chris Derby off the stage (this is the chris derby burn blog now, remember.)

In conclusion: Chaska Purple, watch your backs!

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4 Comments:

At 8:37 PM, April 23, 2006, Blogger keuber said...

you couldn't settle for a wheelchair?

i'll admit, a cane IS a bit more classy.

 
At 9:22 PM, April 23, 2006, Blogger The_Janitor said...

I have some wooden crutches if you need them.

 
At 10:35 PM, April 23, 2006, Blogger constant_k said...

But seriously derby, nothing but love.

 
At 5:27 PM, April 24, 2006, Blogger Amelia said...

I think you should emend your post to use the word bludgeon.

 

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