Monday, September 24, 2007

Doing Drugs Is A-Okay

And now for a steaming pile of information about Max Kuehn's Northwestern experience thus far.

1. Class schedule

Humanities 210: The Good Society
This is my double-wide freshman seminar. We'll be reading a bunch of classic books and talking and writing (and writing and writing) about what constitutes a good society. It should be basically the ultimate liberal arts experience, so I'll see how I like that. My professor is a pretty cool guy, and I'm looking forward to arguing some suckas into submission in discussion.

German 221: Intro to German Literature, 1945-Present
Probably the class I'm most excited about. We're gonna read and discuss a bunch of post WWII short stories, all auf Deutsch. While my German is a little rusty after three months of non-usage, I think I'll do alright. I already read one story (Nachts schlafen die Ratten) in AP last year. This will be the first course I attend tomorrow, at 11 a.m. .

Astronomy 120: Highlights of Astronomy
I was going to take calculus, then statistics, then maybe economics, then maybe psychology, but shit got wild and I decided that my other two courses would be challenging enough without piling on another layer of math and/or essays. I've always had an interest in astronomy and this is supposed to be a great introduction to the subject.

Courses for the future, maybe:
The Bible as Literature
Linear Algebra and Multivariable Calculus
Intro to Psych
German Culture Through Film
Some sort of econ (I'll have to go get advised on that at some point)
Japanese History
A big pile of art history courses

2. I want to study abroad as well. Northwestern has a few programs for Germany, which is where I'd like to go. At the information session the guy talked about the opportunity for doing a research project while abroad, and I started to think about Germany and religion and art and wondering if I could somehow tie them together into a sweet independent research project. It's very exciting to think about, but I know I'll have to work hard to come up with a proposal good enough to get approval. I'll keep you posted.

3. I am on track to gain a lot of weight. It's going to be a chore to stay in shape when I've got so much terribly non-nutritious food at my fingertips and a gym made difficult, nay, nigh on impossible to reach by the vagaries of geography and time management. I made it out to the Sports Pavilion and Aquatic Center (or SPAC [rhymes with quack] to nearly everyone on campus--it irritates me when people pronounce acronyms phonetically, and Northwesterners do it every third motherfucking sentence) once over the course of the week, despite 3 or more planned trips. What's more, my 25 minute workout left me quite sore the next day, and feeling rather sick the day after that; that is, today. On the plus side, I walk everywhere, and I don't really know my way around campus yet so I'm highly inefficient and take lots of extra steps.

4. Now, I try to be a positive person, and I have met some very interesting people and started what should be a few solid friendships, but while friends are great, it's also vital to have some enemies. With that in mind: there is one kid in my freshman seminar group who has really started to piss me off. He goes by Tommy. He is a conspicuously well-groomed Caucasian male with bleach blond hair who talks about all the parties he attends and calls unpleasant things "gay." He owns a seemingly limitless supply of khaki shorts, sandals, and, worst of all, novelty T-shirts. One says "Better An Awkward Morning Than A Boring Night." Another, "HORN IF YOU'RE HORNY." A third (actually a trucker hat, now that I think about it) is emblazoned with the noble motto, "I LIE TO GIRLS."

The mere fact of this apparel's existence is pretty infuriating to me, but the worst part of it is that every day, someone in the groups compliments him on his attire. Apparently, people want to be like Tommy.

Now here's my problem with this otherwise excellent MacBook: on the creaky old PC back home, I would have been able to make a whole series of entertaining and informative images on reliable old Paint, while on this gleaming marvel of modern technology, I am unable to create so much as a line segment. Does anybody know if my Mac has some standard imaging program? I'll just have to describe the images for now and rely upon your IMAGINATIONS.

It's a line of t-shirts and hats with irreverent mottoes on them, including such gems as:


Future Date Rapist

Horrible Person

I already owned Tommy (and his unbearable bro, Victor) at our mandatory "dialogue on diversity" breakout session today, and I'm looking forward to running a train on him four days a week.

I'd love to keep ripping on all the horrible people in the world, but I have to ATTEND COLLEGE CLASSES IN THE MORNING, and, thanks to my foolish decision to actually work out, I'm sick. Here, I'll try to end it on a positive note.

Louis the pug stud's owners took some video of the puppies playing the day before they started leaving. The camera work leaves something to be desired, but PUPPIES.

P.S.: There's a restaurant a half block from my dorm, open until midnight (2 a.m. on weekends), which offers one egg, potatoes, and toast for $2.99. I plan to patronize it on a disturbingly regular basis.



At 8:33 PM, September 25, 2007, Blogger sherlock said...

Man you own the people you like in "dialogues," I can't imagine what you'll do to that guy.

At 1:18 PM, September 26, 2007, Blogger Josh said...


At 1:19 PM, September 26, 2007, Blogger Josh said...

... horn i mean

At 10:12 PM, September 26, 2007, Blogger brittany said...

max i think you might possibly be the coolest person alive....that and i bet tommmy is smoking...;)


Post a Comment

<< Home