Saturday, December 30, 2006

i have a theory.

this evening, before an AMAZING time of midnight bowling, my friends and i ate at mcdonald's.

once inside, we were able to watch extensive CNN coverage of the death of saddam hussein.

my prediction:

saddam will come back to life and become the anti-Christ.

any thoughts?


mustache out!


Friday, December 29, 2006


my mother gave me some crazy article about "how to get in after being waitlisted."

i love her but feel so weird at the same time.

i am mad that i only got one espresso bean.

the kubas guide to cheating at battleship:
  1. place your ships diagonally
  2. stack your ships on top of each other
  3. do not place any ships on the board

i think the dollar store is almost perfect. especially with such exclusive brands as "just pretending." you never really know what to expect.

please keep a boy named pelkey in your prayers. i'm assuming he's still alive. (otherwise i'm guessing i would have received a phone call)

with that, enjoy your friday. it's kind of late. i think i may go to sleep.

mustache out!


Tuesday, December 26, 2006

please don't read twice.


last year, shortly after new york city rang in the new year in a central time zone, (how does that work?) and toasts were made, and drinks were sipped, and 2006 welcomed, i made a simple resolution.

i was going to try to stop using the word/term "rape."

although it can found coming out of my mouth, i'd like to think--for the most part--i've been successful. i believe i've somewhat popularized the term "duct tape the anal region." and who can forget the short-lived (but often-quoted) "epar!!" or, for those who are a little slow, "rape" spelled backwards. overall i might be a little biased, but i think this was a resolution well worth it.

highlights of 2006:

  1. the manly mustaches. everything about them. from high-flying dunks to t-shirts to parties to blogs, we layed the hammer down.
  2. my 1816 mile road trip.
  3. turning down carnegie hall.
  4. spring break 2006.

expected highlights of 2007:

  1. over spring break, josh bundy and i will be taking the roadtrip of a lifetime. 3117 miles. 19 states plus D.C. visitng 2 campuses. in the neon. in roughly 7 days. please pray for us. and the neon.
  2. starting fresh.
  3. she knows.
  4. running away and never coming back. again.

goals for 2007:

  1. take my grandma gambling. for one last time.
  2. visit the world's largest ball of twine. (don't ask)
  3. travel to iowa. really. i've never been there before.
  4. have the guts to try taco bell.

many people don't know...but after i first moved when i was younger i wrote a list of some things i wanted to do before i die. some are for the really long-term. others could probably have been completed in the time it took to type this. some...i just need to get the effort to do.

things i scratched off the list:

  1. "into the record books."
  2. beating my grandpa in mini golf.
  3. seeing the world's largest turkey.

with that, i hope that some of you can look back at a nice 2006. hopefully your 2007 will be that much better.

mustache out!


Monday, December 25, 2006

to the left...

on behalf of all of us at the mustache palace,

we wish you a very manly christmas and a wonderful new year! no matter if you're celebrating in mexico, canada, out west, or are stuck in brainerd...we hope that you are able to spend your holiday with the people you love.

take care. mustache out!


Saturday, December 23, 2006

1.5 Years and Counting - Bundy's Syndrome

So, guess what happened when i woke up today? oh, you're right - i was sick. This is literally a year-and-a-half of sickness for mr. bundy. my immune system likes to take vacations, see. this is how it goes. you will be amazed; i've kept it very documented -

first documented symptons of Bundy's Syndrome -
tickle in the throat starting circa May of '05 (i know because we were running the mile in gym)
following day, the majority of the phlegm has descended into my lungs where -
it is coughed up for the next two or three days.
everything appears fine for two days

the second installment of Bundy's Syndrome happens after this "two days of being fine" period.
Another tickle in the throat begins, but this time it is more bothersome and develops into -
a sore throat for 4 to 5 days. not enough to dehabilitate me, but enough to piss me off.
more coughing begins, and coughing + sore throat = contemplating suicide.
sore throat resides, i appear fine....for a little while.

third installment begins as a massive headache beginning a couple days after the sore throat.
i get body ache along with all other fever symptoms, BUT - temp remains at roughly 96 (i don't know why i have a low temp but i do.)
lymph nodes grow at least 3X normal size and become extremely hard.
the notorious throat tickle happens again, developing overall symptoms like stage 2.

Then, thank god, the syndrome is over, or so i think. After the third phase, i get about a week or two off, when phase number one starts over again. The three phases last about a month, give or take a week, and the bitch is -

this has repeated itself for 1.5 years. i am now in phase two, anticipating the sore throat.

it doesn't appear to be contagious, as my family or the family of my girlfriend do not develop any symptoms like mine.

mold? bacteria? virus? cystic fibrosis? only time will in when i'm dead.

kubas - when i die of this mysterious disease, i want my body sent to johns hopkins medical school for autopsy and analysis.


Friday, December 22, 2006

and so it goes.


i kind of anticipated it.

kind of.

there are some things i may not understand. like why i do all the extracurriculars. or take all the AP classes. or why i apply over MEA.

U of M: college of liberal arts: waitlist.
before i sent off the application, i told linda that i wanted to teach. (secondary ed) so, for the 2nd option she put down the college of general education and human development.

i wasn't even considered.


to be honest, i'm kind of glad just to know. sure, i wanted to go there, but BSU probably has a better teaching school...(AND they offered me a ton of cash)...even beyond that, clemson is looking more and more like the adventure of a lifetime.

mustache out!


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

let's give 'em something to blog about

you're going to learn a little bit about a boy named kubas.

i lead a boring life when it comes to dreams. i NEVER dream. literally, each night i look forward to closed eyes and darkness--nothing more, nothing less.

in the rare event that i DO have a dream, i've noticed that MOST of those dreams come true.

this is what i dreamt about yesterday:

i had just finished eating breakfast on christmas eve...and my family decided to open presents. my dream skipped ahead to a barren christmas tree...with wrapping paper scattered across the floor and opened boxes and your stereotypical "post-present-opening" chirstmas scene. but...underneath the tree...was one last gift. and who was it for? andrew kubas. it was a small little thing...about 3" X 5" and the size of a postcard. it read, "to kubas. from lenny." i opened the package, and what was inside? a note. it read, "look in the garage."

...i went to the garage door...opened it up...

and what was waiting for me? but a PIMPED-OUT scratched up lenny! that's right, apparently the noen NOT ONLY drove itself to some detailing facility, but it WROTE ME A NOTE and GAVE ME A PRESENT to go along with it.

isn't my car great?

tell me, what are the odds that this dream comes true?

mustache out!


Tuesday, December 19, 2006

train in vain?

i just woke up from accidentally falling asleep infront of the TV.

(for 2 1/2 hours) ooops.


mr. borash in ap geography: "i just want you guys to know that i was drunk the first time i watched fern gully. seriously, if you want to have a great time, i'd highly recommend it. well, you know, i mean when you're legal and stuff."

i think this speaks volumes of our class.

i have been unable to find the commercial online, but earlier this week taco bell released a statement/commercial discussing how they are now "e. coli free." i would like to believe this commercial, except for the fact that

a.) their CEO does not have a mustache
b.) he has an australian accent
c.) he owns an american branch of mexican-oriented food and he's frickin' australian
d.) the commercial (if you listen CLOSELY) only mentions that e. coli no longer exists in the 4 northeastern states...

i am most definitely never going there again.

mustache out!


Monday, December 18, 2006

hear some funky dixieland

today in ap geography mr. borash was absent.

our substitute:

mr. klinefelter.

for those who aren't familiar...he was the head coach of the manly mustaches.

he was handing out homework. LOTS of homework.

larry asked, " we REALLY have to do this stuff?"

coach k: "no, i'm just giving it to you to look at. borash said you don't have to do a thing."

(4 second pause)

coach k: "not!"


Sunday, December 17, 2006

sometimes you just wanna know.

wow, this weekend was rather exciting.

i judged the JV/novi state. (SERIOUSLY--they let me judge semis AND finals. whaaa? a high schooler???) i'm hoping i'll get good money. not certain on that.

aside from that, many many folk have been hearing back from colleges.

many folk minus andrew kubas. i have yet to hear back from my colleges of interest...which kind of bothers me. i've been leaning towards the U lately...

...and i was talking with linda. (i applied to CLA) she said that CLA has been full for awhile now. and (i guess she wasn't supposed to tell let's keep this on the DL) but someone in the top 20 of our class with a 3.941 GPA and a 29 on the ACT was waitlisted from CLA...all of those are better than a young mr. andrew kubas...

...but she said that my extracurriculars were pretty pimp. AND that CLA has been sending out rejections/waitlists this entire week...and that if i didn't get one it was probably a (fingers crossed) good sign. for those who don't know me, i've never been nervous in my life. for anything. so i'm not really bothered at all by the U, i think i'm to the point where i just wanna know.

now to the FUN PART of this post: it's assignment mustache time!

i need a LOT of help from our mustache faithful. i've searched extensively through wal-mart and target (what i assumed would be my 2 best options...) but i am in need of the following:

a christmas ornament...of a PUMPKIN. yes, that's right, you know those orange things that pop up all over during october...well i need a fake plastic one that comes in a small box and has a circular thing to put a hook through so you can place it on a tree.

where, per se, does one find this? PLEASE help me. if you run across one, you should buy it. and i'll reimburse you in full. maybe double. i kind of need it soon...many mustache blessings to whoever can find this/give me the name of a store.

mustache out!


Friday, December 15, 2006

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!


just thought the loving mutache nation would like to know that.

Kubas - i love you and thanks for your support.


Thursday, December 14, 2006

What Do You Know About The Manly Mustaches?

Take this quiz to see how much you know about the Manly Mustaches.

The video and picture didn't work on a couple of questions. On question one the video it is refering to is the Bread Party video. And on question Nine the picture is supposed to be this:



This is definitely the official song of the Wolfpack.


Wednesday, December 13, 2006


who, in our grade, has the "quickest wit?"

i put max down for obvious reasons, but i have a fear that most of our class will just label him as "most likely to be president" or "to succeed" or something boring like that. i think the wit will be a close race between some fine mustaches...sam is definitely "quick" as well. we shall see.

i figured i would post this just to see what some of you put for various things. comment away!


Monday, December 11, 2006

i'm sorry, i couldn't resist.


All Your Base Are Belong To Us

A brief respite from my brief respite in the name of this momentous announcement: Prince will be performing at the Superbowl halftime show. I guess they wanted to go family values this year. Play it safe with a Jehova's Witness.

Projected song list:
Let's Go Crazy
Gett Off
Sexy Motherfucker
My Name Is Prince
P Control


Saturday, December 09, 2006

i don't know where he went either

first, bundy? are you contributing? i thought this was going to be a fun duo adventure...oh well.

second, results:

brian ashburn and jenna riley both qualled in LD. crazy. (they are freshman. FRESHMAN. it kind of reminds me of...)

we tried qualling kara in congress, but the people were kind of being douchebags. so then it hit me. on the last ballot, i qualled in congress and we pulled enough votes to get kara 1st alternate. the way i figure:

i'm pretty much a shoe-in for speech. therefore...kubas going in speech = kara going in congress = mrs. cummings happy = mr. pritschet happy = pretty much everyone happy. man, still can't get over the fact that i pulled that off. for once, no one really hated brainerd.

last night i had 3 bowls of chicken broth. i didn't think it was possible, but they were arguably the best bowls of my life. i also bought some chicken noodle soup...but i'm still the same idiot who didn't think of buying a spoon to sip it with. (we left the bowl as a "tip" for the maid)

while driving back from walker this afternoon, i was behind the saint michael-albertville bus. they drive like they're in the cities. i made it back to brainerd in probably 45 minutes. in fact, my guess is that by the time i'm done writing this post, brainerd will still be driving.

i know without max/kurt/bundy/anyone this blog pretty much sucks (being only kubas stomach/debate updates) but i think it will get better. maybe.

mustache out!


Thursday, December 07, 2006


throughout this post, you'll find a few words inserted between parenthesis. these words are meant to portray my current emotions/feelings. (witty)

here i sit...missing another day of school. (happy) i'm guessing that pritschet thinks i'm skipping nat quals just because i don't wanna go in PF...but you know what, he can think that. it's not going to bother me. (frustrated)

for pelkey/others whom have offered their own analysis: i know that he can't force me to do anything, but it is kind of my responsibility to go and at least support the team. oh well. the temporary plan is that i'll drive up there tomorrow and just compete in SC...assuming i'm feeling good enough to do that.

speaking of feeling good enough: this morning i woke up, enjoyed the restroom without a puke bucket, and while i was washing my hands i noticed something:

in the like 4 or 5 days that i haven't shaved, i've grown a better mustache than most of those who participated in no shave november. (manly) i wish i could have found my sister's camera, because i would have taken a picture of the beast, but, alas, no camera was to be found and i just shaved the poor guy off. "he lived a good life..."

about 30 mins ago i ate some food for the first time in well over 48 hours. i'm starving but if i eat too much i feel all...sick. (yuck) oh well, it just takes a little food spread out over a long day, and i think i'll start to feel normal again.

total pounds lost: 11. hopefully it will all end tonight.

mustache out!


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

turkey on a stick

well, taco bell has pretty much killed me. i either have:

  1. stomach flu
  2. e. coli
  3. food poisoning

isn't life great? since 4AM, i have lost 9 lbs. that's like...a large percentage of my body weight. what can i say, i'm a skinny little kubas.

the main reason for this post is to bring up something interesting: (it also explains how big of an idiot i am)

i will not be walking the line at graduation.

i, like most lazy seniors, never picked up a gown/cap/diploma order form. i had remembered that jenden said i could borrow her gown/cap...but i never really realized that the diploma is what you need to...well...graduate.

the diploma order forms (if you were not planning to buy a cap/gown) were due december 1st. ooops.

my question: what should i do? should i talk to linda and see if she can clear up my mess? or should i just sit in the stands and watch my sister/friends graduate? the way i figure, i can make a cameo during the symphonic band performance...and then slip up in the stands. any other suggestions?

mustache out!


Tuesday, December 05, 2006

This Time Goes Manly

A summary of the first 500 posts on this great blog:

  • Max Kuehn -227 posts, not bad, plus his were probably the most well written and entertaining.
  • Andrew Kubas- 172 posts. His name is listed with, perhaps, the most legendary of all the posts: Barrows, The Bread Party, and the Folky Farm.
  • Kurt Hukriede- 48 posts, most of which videos, have included the Bread and Italian Party videos, the 15000 Party, as well as many pointless others.
  • Sam Walker- 29 posts. I'm actually surprised he had that many before he was terminated. I'd write something positive here, but none of his posts were really any good.
  • Josh Bundy- 17 posts, about half of them relating to homosexuals, also had some great stories about tennis and football.
  • Tom Day- 7 posts. Really not much to say here, I guess he did bring the "chacarron" music video to the blog.

*Note: These figures don't include the brief period of time on the other mustache blog, created after Sam took away our admin privileges

On a separate note, I've decided not to "retire" from blogging, I'll continue to do my once a month, mildly entertaining posts.


turkey spam

there was a recent outbreak of e. coli in a number of different taco bell chains out towards the east coast...

this news saddened me a little bit. i love taco bell. to the point where i eat it a number of times a week. so today, while driving home, i looked at amy and i was like, "should we stop at taco bell?"

right now my stomach isn't feeling too hot.

in other news, today during band mr. melby proceeded to use the term "bump and grind" when talking about music. (to koreann: this has easily been the highlight of my day) this leads us to the manly mustache question of the day:

did mr. melby know the "pop-culture" meaning of bump and grind? i vote "yes." other opinions?

(this pertains to the few speech/debate folk who read this blog) a few days ago mr. pritschet basically said that...if i qualled to nats in congress he wouldn't take me. why? because apparently i'm "too expensive." so i brought this up to deebs, and deebs definitely took my back. god that guy is amazing. he said, even if i was the ONLY one to go from BHS, he'd still drive and gladly spend the two grand to take a deserving kid to nats. isn't that just grand? like amazing? why can't other coaches be more like deebs.

speech meeting today: 16 kids showed up. and i have a feeling that pretty much all of them will compete throughout the entire season. this should be good.

ok, ok, i couldn't resist. one amazing pic from the U:

with that, i open the door to kurt. sir kurtis, this was post # 499, and i would be honored if you took # 500 to announce your retirement. enjoy it, buddy.


Monday, December 04, 2006

turkey casserole

today i received yet ANOTHER FSJ interview form. i don't know if you can read this one either...

but he actually wrote "debate club" and my hopes were up. i thought, "wow, if he can actually get the right group this time, i just MIGHT have to do the interview."

but he ended his little "please talk with me" trash argument by highlighting how i should inform him "of the drama club..."

no thank you.

so max is taking a break from blogging. i don't blame him. we haven't exactly been up-to-par lately. actually, at lunch today we pretty much voted to delete the mustache blog altogether, but max insisted that we leave the archives available for people to read. kurt suggested drifting away from the blogosphere after 500 posts...

but, standing alone in a corner, josh bundy said he would rededicate his life to blogging. i told him that if he remained a strong founder of the bread party AND the manly mustaches, i might have to assist. i have a few stories to update you all with...some fun, and others just "kubas boring." stay tuned. on behalf of 2/64 of the entire mustache nation,

mustache out!


Sunday, December 03, 2006

Make My Funk The E Funk

So I'm experiencing a hefty dose of everybody's favorite kind of funk. Not G funk. Not even P funk. No, it's Existential Funk. Gettin down on myself in 3D!

Seriously folks, I've got a lot on my mind these days. College carries no guarantee of happiness; I've gotta figure out how I'm going to make it work. I'm strongly considering joining a band of some sort once I get to college.

Here comes the important part: I, Max Kuehn, am going to engage in a brief blogging hiatus over the next few weeks. I'm also considering laying off the Wii. I hope to use this extra time for more self-constructive behavior in the hopes of shaking off this particular funk. Wish me luck!


Requiem For A Stache

As a number of ironically challenged people pointed out, the Manly Mustaches did in fact lack mustaches at the height of our basketball fame. I decided to use "No Shave November" as an excuse to see what I could do with a month and a little will power. The results, while far from amazing, were moderately satisfying:

My father wears a mustache, and several of my uncles have lived with nose-neighbors over the years. I may grow a mustache later in life, but for now I think I'll just relish in my ability to blow my nose without having to pick boogers out of my stache afterswards.

P.S.: A partial list of things Andrew Kubas won't do: No Shave November, Koeping With Government, wear a santa hat during Jazz Band, and do "Woo-woo-woos" during marching band. Why? No one knows.


Saturday, December 02, 2006

Holy Shit!

UCLA just beat USC. I'm feeling an OSU v Michigan rematch.